Big row on DH's birthday

[JessWakefield86]

Today is DH's birthday. I'd gone to a lot of effort to make it special for him - arranged an activity he loved for last weekend, and then planned on doing a family present-opening session before work today.

It was awful. He came downstairs very late, leaving no time to open all the stuff the DCs had been excited to give him. The presents he did open - from me - he openly sneered at. Said it wasn't what he wanted and I should've known better. He then shouted at me for "creating an argument" when I got upset, and slammed out of the house without saying goodbye, leaving two upset kids for me to try and get to school.

I'd booked this afternoon off work, to bake him a cake for when he gets home. And I've booked a babysitter so we can go out later. But frankly I'm wondering why I bother. I feel so sad, and the children were crushed.

Don't know what to do next.

If this is his normal then I think you've found your hill to die on so to speak.

You deserve better than this. As do your DC.

I think it was more about the kids.
He didn't even open their presents.

IF you are still with him next year - do NOTHING for him. He is a twat - especially disappointing his children like this. Bad enough for him to be vile to you - bit the children?

He's beyond belief.

He actually sounds like he doesnt like you. He treats you like an ass, gets angry at your present and storms off leaving his DC. I would ask him if he wants to be part of the family or not.

I wouldn't even ask him if HE wants to be a part of the family. It's not his choice whether or not YOU stay with him as a family. But if your kids are made to live in a type of fear of him and his reaction then you really shouldn't be staying.

He's nasty
I would never buy my husband a present again if he was so ungrateful

He's a nasty piece of work.
And you're on a hiding to nothing if you think you can make this arrogant self centred twat happy.
You should take the kids out for tea and leave him at home.

Your children are learning that this is normal behaviour. It isn't. What a selfish tosser. I'd do zero for him for this birthday and all future birthdays now.

Return his present and don't get another.

This.

What a man child.

He could have just said thank you at the time and then perhaps tactfully broached the subject and asked if he could exchange the present for the version he wanted. Ungrateful sod. Don't even think about baking his cake but I bet you already have OP.

I would never go to any serious effort again, starting with Christmas, for him.

Sounds like a right tosser. I wouldn't be buying him any more presents. Ever.

Was there part of you that thought if you could pull off the perfect birthday celebration it would finally be enough and you'd get the nice version of him back and all the walking on eggshells would stop?

How much effort does he put in for your birthday? He sounds like hard work!!! I spent years walking on eggshells around my ex --- never knew which version of him you would get from one minute to the next. Is he always like this?

I'd give him a divorce. What a horrendous fuckpig!

Do not bake this bastard a cake. Outrageous, behaving like an entitled cunt in front of his children. Ignore all his future birthdays entirely.

OP it doesn’t have to be like this.
As hard as they may be, there are always choices.
Please don’t accept this behaviour as normal, because it isn’t.

Why are you letting him treat your children so badly???? You are making excuses for him. You know he’s going to really f**k them up mentally right?

Having now read the whole thread I would be telling him he goes to counseling and temporarily moves out until he can get himself sorted. Or you split. Don’t engage with him on anything else. He’s still trying to blame you!!

You and the children made loving efforts for his birthday. He responded by punishing and traumatizing everyone.

What a despicable man he is for so cruelly mistreating his family.

Your children are being damaged in this dysfunctional environment where you all walk on eggshells.

Why are you staying with this abuser?

Why am I not surprised to read you often tread on eggshells around him?

This man is a cunt. And his birthday tantrum is the least of your worries.

You will never please this man. He gets his kicks from treating you and the kids like shit. If it wasn’t a wrong present it would have been something else. He needed to give you all an emotional kicking this morning one way or another. It’s the only way he can feel good.

Please don’t subject your children to any more of his cruelty.

Sorry to hear how your kindness backfired OP. I actually think if your DH isn't a self absorbed prick that the only other explanation is hes shagging someone behind your back. No normal caring father would behave this way unless they were totally fed up living with their family. Truly disgusting behaviour

What happened this evening OP?