Is this inappropriate?

[justtheonenamechange]

I've name changed for this as I didn't want it linked to my previous posts.

I've found the following text messages, which were written across several days during an activity week. The child is a girl in her mid-teens and the adult is a male in his 40s. The child attended the full week but the adult only attended the first few days. This is an exact transcript of the conversation, but with any identifying details taken out. Is the adult just being supportive/encouraging, or is this bordering on inappropriate? I would welcome any opinions please. Sorry it's quite long, but I didn't want to deliberately leave any of it out.

Adult:
If you look at the [place] I can see it from the [place]! Hope you enjoy the week. I knew you would love it, but I know you will miss me!!

Child:
I miss you already 😂. I hope I enjoy it, the jury is still out right now. Have a safe journey though 😊

Adult:
You will be asleep by now but possibly chatting away or shouting? Have a blast I miss [accommodation name] already 😉. Have fun, not too much I want you all to miss me!

Child:
[Accommodation name] is the best 😂. We‘ll have fun, but obviously we’ll miss you 😊.

Adult:
I know, my favourite [group] I guess!

Child:
I guess so 😂. You missed a great public soaking.

Adult:
Did you get footage?!
How was your theme night?
Had a very lonely boring day, just wondering how much fun I could have had 😞 with you.

Child:
Hiya, no. No footage, too busy hitting [name]. The theme night was good but very hot. You missed [name] dressed as a monk. I don’t think you’d have enjoyed [place] as it was hot. You are definitely missed 😕.

Adult:
Tomorrow looks lovely and hot. Another day where I watch my watch wondering what I’m missing. Enjoy the time it is the best time in my opinion. I miss you all.

Child:
Aww bless. I am trying to enjoy it, today was fun. We had the slip and slide out. We definitely miss you too.

Adult:
Did you get my wet willy in!
If not plenty of time left. Did I leave any credit in the canteen? If you don’t use it tell [name] to add it to the [charity name] fund. You should be asleep by now but I guess you are chatting away and about to get told to be quiet. I would not I would stand and listen!!

Child:
Yeah I did, haven’t had chance to use your credit, but I think we’ll use it on Friday. I thought you’d appreciate a little rule breaking 😂

Adult:
[Activity] rules like any are made to be broken and I can tell you most of them I have. I appreciate that and accept any punishment! Have a great time and I will be waiting when you come home as I need a set of keys and it’s a good excuse to see you.

Child:
Ok. Well I probably should go as it’s [name] out tonight 😬. See you when we get back. Try not to miss us too much!

Adult:
That would be a challenge for me in the old days. Goodnight 😉

Adult:
How’s it going? How’s the weather?

Child:
The weather is boiling. The [activity] thing was 💩

Adult:
Should have jumped in. Or chucked [name] in?
Looks a bit cooler tomorrow. Enjoy the last few days...

Child:
I’d rather chuck him in.
Not long left now.
We went on a late night [activity] tonight.

Adult:
Enjoy your last night, don’t eat too much chocolate! Had a nice week? Say the first few days were the best!!

Child:
It was alright. I survived. There’s been loads of sick people today 😬. It’ll be a good night.

Adult:
Going back? If all goes to plan you may have to put up with me all week 😁. Who is ill?

Child:
I might come back.
[name] and [name].

Adult:
I will if you will.....
[name] is gay, but [name].....
Have a great last day, I love it there. I will see you tomorrow afternoon.

Child:
Fine I’ll go.
We’ll have a good time!
See you tomorrow.

Adult:
Yeh. You will not regret it. Only the backlash of a prank or plenty more. Don’t eat too much crap, you will feel sick, unless it’s all gone already. Until next year!!!

Child:
I won’t eat too much. Don’t worry 😂.
I think I can handle the backlash of a prank

Adult:
Sounds like it has been smashed already? Your with the right man then! Goodnight [accommodation name] 😘

Child:
We haven’t eaten anything yet. See you tomorrow. Good night ☺️

My best friend was groomed by a predator when she was 16 - 2 children and 6 years later he moved onto another young girl. Grim.

That's fine, the fact messages are deleted are irrelevant, thy can be retrieved.

Please fo go to the police. They will be able to investigate and retrieve the messages, and more if there are any.
Massive hug to you, cant imagine how you must be feeling but if it's any consolation to you, a gazillion mothers from here ate extremely grateful that you are doing your bit to protect our kids. Any one of us could be that girls parent so I hope that gives you strength to do what needs doing

OP I'm so sorry for what you're going through.
My sympathy for the loss of your baby, you poor thing.
Your husband is a predator. I was victim of a situation that started like this when I was a young girl. It ended very badly for me and the person subsequently was imprisoned after a mother, thank God, found grooming letters he'd written to her child before anything physical happened in that case.
Report immediately. You know you have to.
Get away and get as much support as you can.
Your own relationship with him began as grooming. You were a kid.
Now he's looking for a younger model.
Report and fucking run. Good luck. Please gst support for yourself.

I felt sick reading this. There is definitely an undertone and he doesn't let up. Also by keep saying he misses 'them' and hopes they miss him etc - he's testing the water, her loyalty etc and will keep pushing the boundaries.

Sorry you are going through this OP but you absolutely must report.

You can almost certainly report to police anonymously. But really, even if you couldn't, I'm sure you know you need to. How many times has he done this or will he do it in the future if he doesn't get reported properly? Do the right thing and go to the police urgently. We're all here for you op x

So weird and quite revolting it makes for painful reading. You def need to get advice from police or social services and the school asap on how to handle the next steps.

www.thetimes.co.uk/article/athletics-boss-zara-hyde-peters-let-shamed-partner-coach-ffscvzwxw

Another one wondering if it’s athletics. I’ve also personal experience of DD being treated in a way which made me feel v uncomfortable but under the guise of “development” so much so I moved her to an all female club.

Oh no how awful. I have no words of advice, just a random stranger on the internet whose heart is going out to you.

May I ask how old you are now?

I'm so sorry this is happening to you and for the turbulent times ahead :(

Police will be able to retrieve it no problem. Plus they will be on the girls phone as well.

The fact he deleted them indicates that he knows it’s wrong.

You must feel sick op. I'm sorry you're getting a hard time off some posters when you obviously AREN'T minimising what he's doing and you are taking appropriate (but so hard for you) action.

I'm a real fence sitter, but I'm afraid I can't see any innocent reason for those texts. He's a creepy sleaze at best (if she's 17/18), unfortunately though it sounds more like he is a predator.

Good luck

I'm in my 30s now.

The messages were exchanged using WhatsApp. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I was under the impression that deleted WhatsApp messages couldn't be recovered?

And thank you again everyone for the messages of support and encouragement. They really do mean a lot.

I'll be offline for the next few hours but will check in again later.

You're doing the right thing OP. It's even scarier to think the other leaders may also not be acting appropriately

Do you have RL support?

I could only read down half of the text conversation. It is so highly inappropriate. I am very sorry this is happening to you, and you are doing the right thing by reporting it. I hope you have support for yourself in real life as well.

You can report things anonymously to the police via Crime Stoppers. I did it for a situation in our street where my safety would have been compromised if the man had found out. I only had to say once at the beginning of the call that I wished to remain anonymous and they accepted that. In my case the man was arrested the flooding evening using the information I had given.
You are doing absolutely the right thing in reporting this to the police, they can access information that large organisations would have no access to and they can offer support to the victim(s) too.
You are doing a good thing.

Just to add the website: crimestoppers-uk.org/

@justtheonenamechange I think they have to be encrypted to be irretrievable and you have to specifically activate that.

The fact they've been deleted says everything. He knows they're inappropriate.

Does he know you know?

I admire you op so much for coming on here at all (I think quite a few women would go into denial/lockdown/paralysis (and victim blaming) about something like this, as has happened so many times over the years and still happens. And your resolution to do the right ghjng, in spite of the devastating consequences for yourself is so admirable too.

Fwiw, as an aside, he's not and is never going to be a good partner for you. This behaviour .... (And you've got to wonder if he's done this since you got involved).

Also from the beginning the age gap, and his age relative to yours, suggests something off in the relationship. There was an imbalance/possibly level of exploitation and I'm not sure why your family didn't intercede (or did they try/or not know?)

*The fact they've been deleted says everything. He knows they're inappropriate.

Does he know you know?*

I was going to say - please be careful op, if he knows, he and his pals who have also been acting inappropriately will be able to get in first and fo everything they can to protect themselves should the police/As come knocking.

SS

Hopefully all these messages will be in the girl's phone (and perhaps the police could retrieve them from his provider).

I think it’s weird and potentially inappropriate yes. The adult, at best, sounds incredibly needy, constantly seeking attention and validation from a much younger person.

@JenniferM1989 it’s illegal for any adult in a position of trust to have a relationship with anyone under 18, so that includes student/teacher. It’s actually not illegal (according to my schools policy) for a teacher to have a consensual relationship with a student who is over the age of 18, but it is considered to be gross misconduct and would result in instant dismissal which would obviously then affect your chances of ever getting another teaching job.

I didn’t think the ‘position of trust’ applied to students from other schools if they were above the age of consent (although it’s obviously still morally dubious) but reading your post perhaps it does.

I’m really sorry for everything you’re going through OP, but you are definitely doing the right thing.

You should be able to retrieve messages if you uninstall and reinstall the app before it’s backed up. Upon reinstalling you should have an option to restore from the last backup but it means you have to have access of the phone.

If you give the name of the girl when you report it, I am sure the police will approach her parents and they will cooperate in letting them access her phone.

I hope you are ok OP. I am sorry for the loss of your baby and the realisation of what is happening. I hope you have support. Take care 💐