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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Worst day ever. How to get over this!

178 replies

Blogger373 · 18/11/2019 20:05

After a 2 year long relationship, my boyfriend has ended things via text.

He was previously a married man with children and has decided being with me would affect the relationship he has with his teenage kids, and they would never forgive him for being with the woman who he had left their mother for. So I do understand his reasoning.

Long story short , I am utterly devastated and feel as if I will never get over this man. I have been crying and vomiting for the last 3 days, and have had to take time off work.

I have had break ups in the past but this is just something else. I need to get over this and feel normal again, any advice/tips are so warmly welcome x

OP posts:
Lisamac28 · 18/11/2019 21:49

OP take your pain and X it by 100. That's how bad his wife would have felt when he left her and his children for you. I was on my knees when it happened to me, left with a baby to just get on with it, everything shattered. In hindsight it was the best thing ever and I met a gem of a man later down the line but I will never forget the pain of that betrayal.

Eckhart · 18/11/2019 21:50

OP did he leave his wife for you or was your relationship an affair? Has he gone back to his wife?

Some posts here are really mean, when they know you already feel shit.

flossletsfloss · 18/11/2019 21:50

I agree with previous posters and have very little sympathy for you. Think how his poor wife felt. You deserved it. Grow up and never do this again.

Happymum12345 · 18/11/2019 21:50

It’s never a good idea to see a man who is married. His poor wife and children. You got away lightly.

DuchessMustard · 18/11/2019 21:50

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TowelNumber42 · 18/11/2019 21:51

You are massively overreacting. Why? Had you convinced yourself you two were soulmates and so him cheating was OK? Now you know you were just the same as every other daft woman who fell for a married man's lines? So it hurts much more deeply than any other break up?

Go back to work. Distract yourself. Feel stupid. You were stupid. Then forgive yourself and move on. You weren't to blame for his marriage break up, he was. If it wasn't you it would have been some other bit of totty.

FabbyChix · 18/11/2019 21:52

You surely never expected a happy ending

Blogger373 · 18/11/2019 21:54

Sorry let me clarify, he ended his marriage before we started a relationship.

Thank you for all of the helpful comments, it's been awful but I know that in time things will slowly get better 😭

OP posts:
NotStayingIn · 18/11/2019 21:54

I call bullshit on his reason. He’s clearly a selfish arse. Which you’ve always known and conveniently ignored. He wants out. Probably met someone else. Or might not have yet, but thinks he can do better.

But sure, lovely of him to try and say he’s thinking of his kids. Lol. Don’t waste too many tears on him.

NotStayingIn · 18/11/2019 21:55

Ah sorry I hadn’t seen your update. That makes no sense at all!

Booboosweet · 18/11/2019 21:56

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BennyTheBall · 18/11/2019 21:57

His reason sounds implausible. Bet he’s got someone else.

MarianaMoatedGrange · 18/11/2019 21:59

they would never forgive him for being with the woman who he had left their mother for

Sorry let me clarify, he ended his marriage before we started a relationship

Make your mind up!

yasle · 18/11/2019 22:00

You will get over this. You don't have children together and a life built over decades together. That, people often don't get over. But you can make a clean break. Don't let him come crawling back.

CherryBathBomb · 18/11/2019 22:01

What @MarianaMoatedGrange said!

What did you expect to happen?
If he can shit on his wife, he will shit on you (although the wife doesn't deserve it)

Cuppachino · 18/11/2019 22:02

Sorry let me clarify, he ended his marriage before we started a relationship

Do you mean he ended his marriage to be with you and 'nothing happened' while he was married?

Savoretti · 18/11/2019 22:03

So he’s just decided this after 2 years has he?
Not been bothered about the kids feelings til now?

roisinagusniamh · 18/11/2019 22:07

Hmm...sounds like you've outrun your usefulness to him and he's bored now.
You'll get over him.
I'm more concerned about his wife tbh.

Windmillwhirl · 18/11/2019 22:09

Because they're either so naive or arrogant(I'll go with arrogant) enough to believe that they're 'different and special'

Well, we are all different so not sure what the point is there. Similarly, we all get on with people to different degrees, as such, some people will be more special. Many people leave partners and have long, fulfilling relationships. It's naive to assume all end in tears.

And no, I'm not OW nor have been.

NotaWagon · 18/11/2019 22:10

God, he's a dick. He probably shocked and devastated his wife when he ended the marriage, and now when he's bored of you, suddenly it will affect the relationship with his kids?

It's bullshit. He just wants to move on. Or at the very least he knows enough to know that he doesn't want to make a future with you after all. And that's giving him the benefit of the doubt.

Give yourself time to get over it. You'll probably look back on this in a year's time and see him for the arse he sounds to the rest of us.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 18/11/2019 22:12

I feel sorry for you, Blogger. Has he gone back to his ex or is he on his own?

I suspect that he has gone to the arms of someone that his children would find more acceptable - someone he didn't leave his wife for.

I'm sorry, Blogger but I think you've been replaced his affections. He has form fo cheating on the significant women in his life - and I hate to say it, but it is your turn.

You will get over it - I know it doesn't seem like it now, but time is a great healer (trite, I know but true). As a PP has said - look on this as a lucky escape. He is a selfish man. Had you stayed together he would have been unfaithful, and would have broken your heart even more thoroughly because you would have been even more committed.

DavetheCat2001 · 18/11/2019 22:12

Cool story

RebeccaCloud9 · 18/11/2019 22:12

What goes around comes around. I imagine you're not quite as hurt and upset by this as his wife and the mother of his children was when he left her for you.

Ginger1982 · 18/11/2019 22:12

"Sorry let me clarify, he ended his marriage before we started a relationship. "

Yeah I don't believe you. You were clearly up to something with him before he left his marriage.

Livelovebehappy · 18/11/2019 22:16

Oh dear...... maybe choose someone unattached next time? Karma’s a bitch.