Dating thread 174 - where we remind everyone of rule no.13

[NoMoreWeepingAndWanking]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

I told him I can't be penpal as I feel too much for him. He won't leave me alone. Not to say he wants to meet me just all kinds of stuff.

If it were me I would respect that, I wouldn't want yo hurt anyone.

I'm starting to think he is just extremely manipulative.

Block him. He's overridden your boundaries. He doesn't deserve your headspace, he's not a nice person. Block.

I've not replied at all, I think it's really cruel of him to basically use me as an ego boost
I can see that now. If he had any respect he would leave me alone, he knows how I feel.

@bangheadhere40 listen to the wise ladies. Block.

Block him bang, don’t let him manipulate you a second longer. Please.

bang I think most of us have been way you are overinvesting when starting out on OLD, I certainly did and the long termers will remember me being groped by what felt like an overly tactile auntie after my very 1st date. We'd texted for weeks and she seemed perfect prior to the date, hindsight and experience are wonderful things so the advice from those who've been there is spot on.
If he's not listening then block and move on. He's stopping you thinking about anybody new by occupying your time, and I'm sure there's plenty of suitable men a lot more local than him.
In his defense I wouldn't contemplate a 100 mile 'commute' for dating, it's not sustainable when both have kids imo. But then again I also wouldn't still be stringing somebody along!
Jesuis you're right, actions speak far louder than words. MissH Is the worst at expressing her feelings, but knew I'd had a particularly shitty day so just turned up here unannounced this evening to give me a hug and check I was ok. Admittedly she also ate half my dinner 😂 but it was lovely. When somebody is doing all the things that show they care, that's what matters!
Glad to hear it's still going so well 👍

5 dates with Mr E, after last one we started talking about possible overnight. Now haven't had contact from him in almost 48 hours, I was last to text. Thoughts?

@shitwithsugaron your situation with Mr B reminds me of my recent ex. Time together dwindled and he’d say similar things (we just saw each other, I just accept that sometimes we’re busy...). It made me feel deprioritised and really affected my self esteem. Does it feel like breadcrumbing? I had to end it as it was a total head-fuck (we’d been together 18 months).

@EchoElephant sometimes making that leap from app chat to WA or setting a date can change the dynamics. Its happened to me too.

@bangheadhere40 😂 I think I’m that woman.. some guys just get under your skin.*. Stepping away, blocking him and deleting his number will let you claim your power back. He didn’t have much to offer and wasn’t forthcoming so you haven’t lost anything material, just the idea of something. I’ve definitely been there too and it hurts. 💐 Be kind to yourself.

*I promise never to mention [Mr Unmentionable] again.

@Peanutbuttermouth how often does he message usually ?

@shitwithsugaron Mr B just seems to be getting more and more manipulative. I really worry he's wearing you down.

@Ant330 totally agree with the 100 miles aspect and the stringing along. Sounds like he’s giving mixed messages about entertaining the idea and I’d suspect would still be on the lookout for someone closer to home. I sometimes find it useful to imagine myself saying these things to someone - e.g. what would I be thinking/feeling towards them to treat them like that.

Ok so date for tomorrow says he’ll pick me up. Bad idea right ? I should meet him , 😬

@Peanutbuttermouth that would annoy me. I would take the overnight off the table for that or not be available for a while. A text takes nothing.

1st date @Jane1978xx?

@Jane he is probably being polite, just say you would feel more comfortable meeting out.

He usually messages a few times a day, not constant but consistent. This is the first day he hasn't messaged since we first met up. And I can see him online.

Yes 😂. I’ve told him no I’ll meet him in case he’s a serial killer

@Peanutbuttermouth personally I’d message again something light like Is he watching such a thing on tv or you remembered something 🤷🏼‍♀️

😂 @jane1978xx good call.

@Peanutbuttermouth I’d leave it, because I know if I messaged him I’d later wish I’d let him wonder a bit, after all it’s him who’s withdrawing.

He lives near me that’s why I think. But either we can meet out or he can come to my local. I feel bad now 😬. I’m thinking either he’s not been on many dates or there are women who are like yeah get me 😂. I know a lot about him and I don’t think he’ll murder me it’s more if you are bored shitless and want to go home 😂😂

@peanut coming from me who's made a total mess of things just leave it for him to text

Too late 😑 Sent a text asking if he'd still like to meet up again and instantly regretted it because he replied yes and now I don't believe him. Too busy to send a text in 48 hours yet online all evening? Would love a man's point of view on this, can someone tag a man for me 😂

Sorted he says he isn’t a serial killer but that’s fine and he’s going to give me a call tomorrow to arrange.

@peanut I think that's the problem, we want to know they want us, and if the don't we feel bad. I think the key is leaving the work to them. Easier said than done and I don't follow my own advice