Dating thread 174 - where we remind everyone of rule no.13

[NoMoreWeepingAndWanking]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@Peanutbuttermouth Yes, exactly this.
I just start to think he's not so bad and then he gets a new girlfriend and introduces the kids to her after a couple of weeks and thinks I'm too stupid to find out.

nomoreweeping you are not a twat, you’re a normal loving person who has been shat on. Adjusting to that takes a long time. But believe me you are not alone. A big tiger hug to you 💐

Is it bad that I kind of love when they're poorly and snuggly like this? Felt dreadful when I had to go to work though...

And yes peanut - you've nailed it. Like a bigger slower version of that thing where you wake up in the morning and forget, for a moment, how your life has changed - and then it all comes flooding back...

@shitwithsugaron Yes, we've done meals out for birthdays over the last two years too and the first (my DD) has her birthday 2 months after we split so it took a lot for me to go along and pretend everything was fine but I did because I love this children more than I don't like him.

Regarding Mr B...you just said yourself you're not happy about how little you are seeing him so why should you continue to be unhappy in your relationship because of a decision he has made? I really think you need to have a talk about how you both see things going forward because it sounds like you're never going to be happy with one night a week x

My DC's father never really did "family" time - willingly or with good grace, anyway. So I am very much used to going it alone and am usually fine with it. Sometimes I'll catch myself wishing for backup, like today whilst I've been ill, but actually it always came with the price of him being Moody and unpleasant, so I'd have to pull myself out of bed to ameliorate the situation anyway. Today I ordered takeaway from bed and they happily ate while I slurped some soup and rested. Much better than the past, really.

I have only had myself to count on for a long time, I just now don't have 17 stone dragging me down at the same time. So it's easier.

That doesn't sound like a healthy dynamic, @shitwithsugaron. Maybe I'm too black and white with my thinking, but if things aren't going to change with him, could it be time to call it quits?

Ex and I were never a team. Ever.

@MoreNiceCereal. I could have written this myself ‘ I have only had myself to count on for a long time, I just now don't have 17 stone dragging me down at the same time. So it's easier‘ .

@shitwithsugaron. How long have you been together ? Usually people would see each other more than less unless something happened like a change in Jobs or health. I don’t think the amount of time or days matters as much as both being happy with it x

@shitwithsugaron so you don't know why he's cancelled? He didn't give a reason just said he wasn't coming. I agree once a week is not enough to sustain a relationship. Has he just got complacent and lazy?

be busy this Thursday

@shitwithsugaron is it worth it If it’s hard work 🤷🏼‍♀️ At 8 months in. If he’s had a bad day you should be his comfort. Maybe it’s just a stage he’s in.

Ah guys who are missing the family/team dynamic. I'm coming up for 10 years divorced from my kids' dad and I still sometimes feel like we are missing out. But as a Unambiguous said, we were never a team really, but having the partner helped keep the illusion going. You are part of an epic team and that is you and the DC - a team that wants to be together and will flourish and support each other without all the exhausting weird shit of being in a 'partnership' just for the sake of it. Weeping, it's all still new to you and lots of firsts but think what you would say to a friend who was in your shoes - I bet it would be kind, supportive and very very impressed!
Christmas is a strange time but make the most of doing things on your terms - late nights chippy runs with the kids, kitchen discos, all back to mine!! We're all better than the sadness we've come away from and there is plenty of good karma coming our way 😁

I think there is something in the water with ex's at the moment. Had a missed call from an unknown number so I texted it back saying sorry I missed your call etc and saved the number just in case I needed it. Went to WhatsApp to message Mr S and turns out it was my ex who I broke up with in February who called me. Resisted texting saying why do you still havey number, telling him congratulations on his new baby (Mr Persistent told me that as they work together) and along him why the hell he thought he could have it all.
It's stupid how it effected me as I'm rediculously happy with Mr S and he is 100 million times the man my ex could ever dream to be.

Has anyone had any Bumble matches just disappear/unmatch when you seem to be getting on well.
I arranged to meet someone tomorrow. Time and place sorted.
I've just looked and he's gone from my match list.
We haven't exchanged numbers. So I don't know whether to turn up tomorrow & hope he's there. Or assume he's changed his mind.
This is the second time it's happened in a week

@EchoElephant I would assume he's changed his mind. He's probably married or something. Time waster

It happens on every site i think, might be due to them seeing multiple people and they’ve seen someone a few times and decided to stick with them. I hate bumble 😂 I messaged every match and not one replied

@EchoElephant I think Bumble has a glitch sometimes and he may return to your list tomorrow

My match hasn't magically reappeared over night. It's just a coffee date so I'm going to go anyway and hope he shows up.
If not then at least I'll have a nice coffee and it's not too far away.

Totally baffled by it as he picked the time and location.