Dating thread 174 - where we remind everyone of rule no.13

[NoMoreWeepingAndWanking]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@bangheadhere40 that was me 😂 And it was not worth it. Not quite the same as distance was not an issue.

@crazycatlady20
How old? My daughter is nearly 10 she goes her dads every other weekend and a wed. Could you do set days it’s usually the norm. Dating is ok or when you know then well enough to be in your house with kids just the middle part is hard.

@bangheadhere40 I'd just keep reiterating the "I don't want a penpal, I'm looking for a relationship" (or at least a first date). You're going to get sooooo overinvested in him otherwise Tell him to shit or get off the pot... This isn't just about what he wants - it's your life as well - remind him that OLD actually means meeting people not just having a great connection online.

banghead you do not want a penpal. There are so many of these type who love the messaging as an ego boost but nothing more. Move on my lovely! (says me who never moves on)

I am going to meet Mr Foot, he makes me laugh. I have told him no foot touching though. He is away until next week but we have plans for drinks.

unambiguous I thought it was you.

jesuis so pleased all is well with Mr C. I have missed a few threads- did he say it yet?

Im mid way through The Freedom Programme. its excellent. I have lovely new boundaries in place.

Batshit also you and Mr BC - yay

Shitwith sorry things are still not rosy with Mr B

@Jane1978xx shes 6 hes being awkward I guess, I refuse to force him go take his daughter tho so not pushing anything.

that's what I was thinking cos she goes to bed early anyway. just the start I guess.

lots of guys I've spoke to all seem to have their children every weekend. just finding it difficult I suppose.

@crazycatlady20 I have the same problem. A disinterested and inconsistent ex leaving me with virtually no time off. I pay a sitter for the early dates, swap childcare or ask family when it progresses to overnights, or trusted fwb I've had over after my kids go to bed (that's only ever happened with one guy). It's hard though, most decent men wouldn't be happy sneaking into a kids' home after 8pm and if you're dating and paying for a sitter it gets expensive!

Thanks, I am getting frustrated with him. I have a feeling he's going to break it off with me ( even though there's nothing to break off).

I've never been in a situation where I have felt so invested yet stupid at the same time, I should know better.

It’s a horrid feeling @bangheadhere40. But it will pass

@crazycatlady20it is hard to meet someone with very few free evenings

Thanks Jane, it's a horrible feeling, but, I'm more annoyed with myself for letting myself feel like this about a stranger.

I think I must be really lonely, which is sad x

@Peanutbuttermouth shes never had a babysitter and I'd think I'd feel bad introducing it just so I could date.

I might start inviting her friends for sleepovers and see if they return the favour 😂.

@bangheadhere40 I think that's what I was like af the start. talking to a few def helps not get too involved but I have 3 now all wanting to meet me and I feel a bit bad.

@bangheadhere40 it's not sad. Messaging is very powerful. It's easier to feel a connection with someone through messaging than in the flesh. You can also project all sorts onto them. They seem to be listening to you. We've all got over involved with messaging people. My very first OLD was horrific. We got into really intense messaging and although I did have reservations I ignored them. When we met I was mortified. It's made me very wary of messaging someone.

But I always have someone I'm messaging. There's a single female friend I chat to most days. And currently an old iron. It's human contact when you don't get much. If you stop messaging him I put money on you finding someone else in a week or so. It's not real.

You can message me for a bit if you like! I'm a bit flakey about replying as I'm busy. Honestly you don't know what he's like. He's too far away. Please don't be hard on yourself!

I think you’ve banged the nail on the head there bang. My first escapade into OLD was a disastrous month of frantic messaging with someone who turned out to be a scam artist. It made me feel so stupid but also made me face up to how lonely and sad and therefore vulnerable I was. And that was a good thing I think, as it prompted me to start work on all aspects of my life to address the sadness and loneliness, not just hope to rely on the vagaries of OLD. Don’t beAt yourself up, it’s all a learning experience 💐

@Marlboroandmalbec34 Still no declarations of undying love from MrC, so I'm due to have another breakdown over it whilst a bit pissed very soon according to my diary. May do it on New Years Eve for true soap opera dramatics 😂🙈

Seriously though, he makes me feel loved, so what can I do 🤷‍♀️ I'm loathe to throw my toys out of the pram and give him an ultimatum when I see others who have done the L word get treated like crap - I include myself in this STBXH told me he loved me every day, yet managed to shag his way around the office... I just keep in my head "how he treats you is how he feels about you", and he treats me like a queen. We talk and message all the time, see each other a few times a week and are very involved in each others lives. I'm still waiting for his mask to slip and for there to be some hideous secret yet to be revealed, but so far this just seems to be the real him 🤞. I ❤ him lots.

Are things definitely over with MrBig? Looking forward to your MrFoot update. MrC will rub mine whilst I'm watching TV but that's as far as he goes, and I'm going nowhere near his size 12 monstrosities, they're the least sexy thing I can imagine 😂

Thank you wonderful ladies for helping me. I think it's made me realise how lonely, sad and vulnerable I actually am. X

It sounds like everyone had a person like that at the start ! But most have moved on to lovely relationships. @bangheadhere40 you aren’t any of those you’ve just been drawn in 🤷🏼‍♀️. Either look for someone else or take a little break. Xx

Thanks Jane xx just feeling really low at the moment x

bang when you’re feeling really low I’m not sure OLD is the answer. Could you tell this guy it’s over, delete his number and chat and focus on something else for a little while?

@tiger, I have told him, he won't leave me alone. I think this is actually cruel of him now x

But he is being really clever about it, I think now he is just taking advantage of my good nature, which isn't fair x

Maybe he is just a really really manipulative person. I've told him I can't be friends with him as I feel too much for him, and he won't leave me alone.

Would a decent person not respect that?

@bangheadhere40 it's really hard, full of ups and downs. messaging people constantly one min then they disappear etc and you wonder what's going on. the constant early getting to know each other chats, then u think someone might be decent and up pops a pic , I always think am I giving off vibes I want these?. can be soul destroying at times. maybe read a book for a day or 2 then have another look at OLD?

@JeSuisPrest that's a really good way to look at it. def need to go on actions not words. this is something I need to learn to do.

I know I am too trusting sometimes, but I know I would respect that myself. I wouldn't want to hurt anyone

Just block him
Now if he won’t take the hint is he sending multiple messages ?

@bangheadhere40 if u feel like that I think youd need to block him. as someone else said, u will find someone else to talk to soon