Why doesn't he want me as his girlfriend?

[sadaboutlife]

There's a guy who I really have started to develop feelings for.
We have just got back from a 3 day break together and it was honestly brilliant.
We get on so well,we laughed non stop,had such a good time,talk about anything and everything.
He doesn't want a relationship.
He was talking about his friend who cheats on his girlfriend and said "this is why I don't get with girls"
He has openly said he is sleeping with other women and texting them but told me that I'm the one he speaks to most and has the best "crack"
I miss him already.
When he was nearly home he kept saying
"Only 16 mins left together"
"This weekend gone too fast"
I'm not sure when I'm gonna see him next as he has said ..he can't do the relationship thing.
I'm hoping this weekend away changed his mind.
Why can't he give up sleeping with others and give things a proper go?

You wouldn't even be able to get pregnant and have your baby without worrying about a flare up, and having to have a c section etc - and every health care worker who deals with you knowing why.

That dog's going to catch fleas sooner or later and pass them on to you.

Ffs why do we have to call people who sleep around ( men or women) pigs and dogs? I have an issue with someone who cheats on their regular OH as the lies are very hurtful. But he is honest about it . Mind you he could also be bragging. Whatever. He is technically not cheating. Not everyone is meant to settle down. No need to act superior.

Ffs why do we have to call people who sleep around ( men or women) pigs and dogs?

Dogs are indiscriminate - someone who fucks a minimum of eleven people at the same time is indiscriminate - and risk taking re STDs. As I said condoms don't protect against all STDs. The most promiscuous man I'vee ever been involved with infected me with an std - coincidence? Doubtful.

Besides it was more the STD analogy I was referring to, in terms of dogs (or cats) infecting each other with fleas.

I haven't heard of promiscuous ppl being referred to as pigs ??

I thought it was used to mean a man was horrible, and usually chauvinist, that all.

No need to act superior.

Where did you get that impression - I don't give a fk about anyone's sexual behaviour, as long as it involves consenting adults - I'm.mereky pointing out that people who bump uglies with loads of people at the same time are quite likely to get and pass on an Std.

How old are you both?

So not only is op getting her feelings hurt here but also risking her sexual health for this joker.

Sàndals19 to clarify you were the most recent poster to call him something less than flattering ( a dog) , someone else called him 'an honest pig's and others have called him a fuckboy with a stupid ego. Often women who have lots of sexual partners are called sluts. It's not you in particular who acts superior, but it is happening a lot on this thread and we all know it happens a lot in real life.
Again, in my opinion having lots of partners, while it is unhealthy if unprotected, does not make someone a horrible person. If they make false promises or string others along, play with their feelings then yes they are arseholes.

Seen a lot of these threads lately HJNTIY should be the latest mumsnet acronym.

I think men have it easier than ever to have no strings sex. Then the women are at fault for caring and being hurt and wanting more. "Being honest" about shagging around is now a virtue? At least it used to be a bit more socially unacceptable to be a using prick.

Drop him like a stone and don't look back. Let him feel rejected for once. Be the bigger person.

He is actually a nice guy.
He is funny and caring,he just loves to sleep around.
I knew this when I got involved and thought I could change him but now I've developed feelings.
I know sooner or later I'm gonna have to cut him off for my own sanity

you were the most recent poster to call him something less than flattering ( a dog)

I know it probably became across as me calling him a dog ("that dog") but I wasn't actually referring to.him as a dog but was using a phrase/analogy to mean that a person who has lots of sex with lots of people concurrently is likely to catch and spread an Std in the manner that a dog catching fleas would.

As to the general question of people having a lot of sexual partners, concurrently or not .. people will always be judged a bit on that for some valid reasons; unfortunately often women more than men.

To me either/both are being a bit irresponsible (as above there is no truly safe sex other than no sex, or sex between two completely monogamous people who were each others first partners to be pedantic) so sex with large numbers of partners, esp concurrently is irresponsible in terms of STDs.

Also, outside of porn and alternative/fetish communities, most humans don't have sex with large numbers of partners concurrently or at all - for lots of evolutionary, social etc reasons, we tend to be serial monogamists and, without reliable contraception until v recently, the consequences of sex were significant (and still are if people arent super conscientious about contraception) so appears to be an element of dysfunction to promiscuity, esp extreme promiscuity .. and that gets judged too, just the way it is.

*there appears to be

He is actually a nice guy.

You always think that when you're in the thick of it and spending time with them, and have feelings for them.

With sufficient distance and indifference, you tend to amend that opinion a bit. You can usually see they're actually a bit of dick.

I'm sure he's funny. I'd question whether he's that caring.

But even if he is a nice guy - he's still.a guy whom you've caught feelings for (and as I keep saying beware of what else you could catch from him) who doesn't return them and doesn't want you as a gf. You're just getting hurt,band are only going to get more hurt.

He’s been honest with you he does not want a relationship or he’s just not that into you,
I went from the age of 21-26ish without wanting a relationship wasn’t interested in the slightest busy doing other things, when asked on dates or for my number i would tell them I wasn’t interested in dating anyone and they seemed to take this to mean I could be persuaded and would keep asking or trying different ways for me to agree to a date as if they could change my mind I’d been honest with them and they just wouldn’t listen after a year or two of this I just found it better to lie and say I had a bf the first time someone asked they leave me alone then, I guess the truth isn’t always best when it comes to honestly not wanting a relationship
If your happy with the situation as itis then great if not and your feelings for him stop contact and move on

It's always the way though OP. Of course he is charming and funny and has a lot of qualities. I have been saying that him being promiscuous doesn't make him a bad person. In a way it would be easier if it were the case, you could just dismiss him as an idiot who is not worth thinking about.
Sadly he is a nice enough guy, but he is absolutely not the right guy for you as he doesn't want a relationship.
I said it before, you have to cut contact if possible. If you keep seeing him it will be much harder to not fall for the charm again.

Sandals19 yes I think you are right, I must have misinterpreted the dog comment, I see that the std thing is an issue you have mentioned before. Hopefully OP has been careful.

It is also your sanity that needs protecting OP. You can see many of us have been there and none of us have changed anyone. If a man wants to settle he will but you can't make him.
Stop giving him headspace and make yourself available to someone who deserves you.

Harem syndrome. I suppose at least he's honest.

It may sound counter intuitive, but the only chance of him growing up is if you say 'thought about what you said - problem is I really like you, but I can't be just one of the harem. So basically can't see you any more.' And remove yourself. This may wake him up and he'll reconsider his (self-indulgent) position.

Tbh though he sounds like a ticket to some misery.

He is actually a nice guy.
He is funny and caring,

I think it is more likely that he is charming, which is not the same thing.

I don't think a nice, caring man would continue to sleep with a woman who he knows wants a relationship, when he has no intention of that happening. He knows that what he is doing is hurtful, and doesn't care.

If he wasn't able to be charming and present a likeable exterior, he wouldn't be able to get 10 women to have no-strings sex with him.

And seriously, get a checkup. He's sleeping with 10 people and you've no reason to presume any of those 10 are exclusive. If they're all sleeping with 10 people, that's 100 strangers whose health status could affect yours. Condoms don't protect against many conditions and quite a few illnesses have no symptoms. Take care of yourself.

Why would he want a girlfriend when he doesn’t want to settle down and he is having a great time sleeping with multiple women?

Just because you want a relationship doesn’t mean he does. He has told you he doesn’t. He want to sleep around. He doesn’t want a girlfriend.

Nothing to do with you. He gets to spend time with you, have sex, have fun and then go home and not have to worry about being a boyfriend with all that involves. He doesn’t have to take your feelings into consideration. Doesn’t have to check in with you. Doesn’t have look after you when you are sick. Doesn’t have to listen to you when you have a bad day. Doesn’t have to deal with any disagreements.

He gets all the fun without the investment.

He has told you this. He has been very clear. He wants fun. Not a girlfriend.

You have been told what he wants. It’s up to you if that’s what you accept.

Ask yourself why you are involved with an unavailable man.

Because this has nothing to do with him, and everything to do with how you perceive and value yourself.

I knew this when I got involved and thought I could change him but now I've developed feelings.
This is never, ever how a good relationship starts.

Hes just not into you. Either accept that you're fwb or stop seeing him. Atm you're and easy lay, no I dont mean you're easy as in you'd do it for a pack of fags, I mean he knows you'll drop whatever you're doing for him to come see you.
Also, going off your other posts it looks like you're quite n emotive person and maybe that is what's put him off.

He does know I'm into him yeah.
I've told him I have feelings for him,it's not a secret to him.
When we are together it's like he is into him but then he doesn't want me at the same time.

What would make a person not want a relationship?
Just enjoying the single life with no ties ?