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Original poster

Why doesn't he want me as his girlfriend?

193 replies

sadaboutlife · 12/11/2019 14:27

There's a guy who I really have started to develop feelings for.
We have just got back from a 3 day break together and it was honestly brilliant.
We get on so well,we laughed non stop,had such a good time,talk about anything and everything.
He doesn't want a relationship.
He was talking about his friend who cheats on his girlfriend and said "this is why I don't get with girls"
He has openly said he is sleeping with other women and texting them but told me that I'm the one he speaks to most and has the best "crack"
I miss him already.
When he was nearly home he kept saying
"Only 16 mins left together"
"This weekend gone too fast"
I'm not sure when I'm gonna see him next as he has said ..he can't do the relationship thing.
I'm hoping this weekend away changed his mind.
Why can't he give up sleeping with others and give things a proper go?

OP posts:
RLEOM · 12/11/2019 14:59

Eew, why would you want this kind of man in your life? You deserve so much more!

fanniboz · 12/11/2019 15:01

Why can't he give up sleeping with others and give things a proper go?

Because he doesn't want to. He has as much right to not want anything serious as you do to want something serious. It's shit for you as you have feelings now, I know it's tough when you want someone and they don't want you back but he's clearly and honestly telling you he doesn't want to be exclusive with you. Listen to him, for your own sake. If you can't handle the situation as it is then you need to put on your big girl pants and remove yourself from him. I'm sorry OP, but as PP has said he has been honest and if you still choose to waste your time with him then it's your own problem, not his. I'm sorry. Cut your losses and move on Wine

hellsbellsmelons · 12/11/2019 15:01

That's just how I am translating what the asshole has said to OP.
He 'speaks to her the most'!
He's a fucking asshole who is using the OP.
Nothing wrong with shagging, or sex, or making love, or doing it as often as you want with multiple people, when you want.
Carry on!
But OP needs to understand what he means with his words.

OurChristmasMiracle · 12/11/2019 15:05

Honestly walk away now. You’ve developed feelings for him but he still just wants a casual thing and to be able to see other people. This will only end in tears. Walk away now before you get hurt further

DonPablo · 12/11/2019 15:07

Why would he? He gets weekends away, gets the good bits but none of the drudgery that comes with a relationship. By drudgery, I mean having to cook dinner every other night, having to make small talk with your parents, having to go to dinner parties with your mates, having to let someone know where you are, what time you'll be back. He doesn't have to get to know anything about you, he can just enjoy the company and the sex.

This isn't about you at all. Listen to him, because he's being very clear. You'd be foolish to imagine a weekend away would change his mind.

Pinkflipflop85 · 12/11/2019 15:07

He will never commit to you. Either decide that you are happy to just be one of his many casual shags, or if you need to stop seeing him. No amount of weekends away or anything else will ever change his mind.

nomoreclue · 12/11/2019 15:11

I had a mate like this. He used to treat women exactly like this. Multiples on the go. They used to fall at his feet. He had zero care or respect for them. Then one day BAM he met the one and was married and pregnant within the year. You’re not the one. The moment my player mate met his girl, he dropped all of them and never said or did a dickish thing ever again. You’re just a plaything until his girl comes along. Sorry but that’s the truth and you might as well move on

LemonPrism · 12/11/2019 15:17

Because he doesn't want to. He's not as into you as he's making you believe and he enjoys sleeping with multiple women. He probably says that shit to all of his girls

Eckhart · 12/11/2019 15:22

He's not the only person in the world you could develop feelings for, OP. Move on and give others a chance to love you the way you want to be loved. He's openly telling you he doesn't want to meet your needs.

Why do you want to be with somebody who is not interested in meeting your needs?

Tableclothing · 12/11/2019 15:25

Why can't he give up sleeping with others and give things a proper go?

He doesn't want to. He's told you that if he was in a relationship (including with you) he would just cheat on his girlfriend (I.e. you).

He is Not Boyfriend Material.

The longer you let this carry on the more upset you're likely to be.

This is personal preference, of course, but I don't think I'd want to be with someone who thought that not cheating on me was impossible/some kind of incredible privilege he was bestowing.

I don't know if you're aware of the Red Pill Reddit forum but it sounds like he might share some of their ideas.

NameChangeNugget · 12/11/2019 15:30

He’s really not interested in you

Belfield · 12/11/2019 15:36

If you want more from the "relationship" then I would suggest saying it to him. I wouldn't bother reading his mind. If he doesn't want to be exclusive with you then you can just move on. FWB is fine if everyone is in agreement but you have feelings so it will have to end if he is not agreeable to being exclusive. If you don't ask you will never know

CalamityJune · 12/11/2019 15:45

Harsh comments about the man. He is being perfectly honest about what their relationship is, and is not. It is OP who is trying to move the goalposts. If he wanted to commit and be with you, he would do it. Long term relationships don't start like this.

You need to end it, OP. You've developed feelings and he has not. You're certainly not going to undevelop them while you're spending time and sleeping with him.

SinkGirl · 12/11/2019 15:50

People say he’s being honest, but he’s also dropping just enough bait to keep OP on the hook - she’s his favourite, counting down the minutes etc.

He’s an awful human being - and of course he’s doing it because you’re letting him. If a man ever spoke to me like that he wouldn’t still be getting sex and trips away.

You don’t need this in your life. How would you ever trust him even if he did go along with it?

AFairlyHardAvocado · 12/11/2019 15:53

Why won't he make you his girlfriend?

Because he doesn't want to. It's that simple.

The amount of my mates who have gone through heartbreak when they've continued to sleep with someone who doesn't want a relationship.

He's told you that, he's been upfront about it - be relieved he's told you so you can make an informed decision about continuing or not.

Some of my friends thought if they kept sleeping with someone they wanted a relationship with, the person would eventually want it too.

He's been honest - you don't want the same things. If you aren't comfortable with how things are then you either continue with your eyes open not expecting them to change, or you realise you're incompatible and move on.

Hope that doesn't sound harsh but I really believe it Thanks

Crystal87 · 12/11/2019 15:58

It could be a multitude of reasons. Not ready to commit, doesn't fancy you, does fancy you but doesn't see you as relationship material, has another girlfriend...
But when it comes down to it, he doesn't like you enough, as if he did, he would be with you and find a way to make it work. So I think he's not that into you.

hellsbellsmelons · 12/11/2019 16:01

Indeed CalamityJune - but that doesn't make him a nice person.
He has been honest.
Most of us have said so.
But, he's still an asshole!

Tomcanyouhearme · 12/11/2019 16:03

You won’t change a guy like this. Been there, done that, bought the t shirt many times. If someone wants to be with you they will be with you. It’s that simple.. sorry.

onanothertrain · 12/11/2019 16:12

He's been absolutely upfront with you that he is sleeping with other people. That does not make him an asshole or a dick or anything else he will get called here.
You need to decide if that is enough for you because he has told you he does not want a relationship and don't go thinking you can persuade him.

YorkshireMummyof1 · 12/11/2019 16:14

I don't usually do RomComs

Watch

He's just not that into you

Then you'll get it

BumbleBeee69 · 12/11/2019 16:18

The one girl that does not sleep with him.. the one does not accept this casual arrangement... is the one he'll be interested in... is the one he will chase... I betcha Flowers

XJerseyGirlX · 12/11/2019 16:22

Yeah, the girl who wont take his shit will be the one he wants to be with. Ive seen this too many times unfortunately :-(

FavouriteSoul · 12/11/2019 16:23

You're just going to have to accept that he's a great FWB who is never going to be your boyfriend. Your heart will be broken when he meets a woman who he does want to settle down with, so take some action now and either end it, or reconcile yourself to the fact that you are not The One.

josephineisblue · 12/11/2019 16:26

He's a fuck boy.

Doesn't matter that he's being upfront, that doesn't make him decent man. As others have said he's giving OP just enough to keep her around. He's telling her there are other women but also alluding to the fact she's special and some how above them in the pecking order. I'm sure he's perfectly aware that the OP wants more hence why he's saying the things he's saying.

Op do yourself a favour and move on, you'll save yourself a lot of heartache.

Middersweekly · 12/11/2019 16:27

Men change their attitude real quick when they are with someone they want to commit to. He’s been open and honest about not wanting a relationship and the fact he’s sleeping with other people. I think you either accept it or move on to someone more meaningful who actually wants to commit to you.

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