Break up support thread 4

[herbsmokedchicken]

Sigh.!

Morning ladies

I've had a wobble again, started with a song on the radio, getting home seeing the Christmas adverts, which took me to thinking about him (intently) running through our whole relationship and to be honest it fucked with my head! I'm going to try and be stronger again today :)
I have a confession, I did a bit of stalking, not him but the town he now lives in, in canada, I see they have their Christmas light switch on tonight (which is something we always did together in the UK and canada), anyway so I have now conjured up a story in my head (like you do) that he will be going to the switch on and parade with some other girl and will be all cosy up together, looking round and being all in love [shock discussing a cosy Christmas together (you get the idea)

I'm going to creep out of here now lol

Yes it’s hard isn’t it, mine is leaving, never to be seen again, not even to start a new life really but to go back to the old one since he’s going back to his home town and has bought a house so obviously ready to stop moving around and settle. And it’s not a life he wants me to be part of. And as much as it hurts (and as horribly and cruelly as your ex went about it) they are entitled to that and we’ve got to accept it but it’s not easy. I really do miss him so much still.

We are getting there for sure tho and eventually we will be like @TinselAndKnickers and feeling good!

Oh I’d missed that we were on page two, my response was to @Jonsnowsghost will read the other replies now

Oh @Mumcomehere I know what you mean, your imagination takes you all sorts of places!

Ah @mumcomehere I often get those thoughts, it's why I had to stop looking at his social media as they were generally confirmed! So shit. I am dreading Christmas, we had such a nice christmas last year but he will be doing it with her this year instead :(

Yeah Christmas is gonna suck! Well it’s not, my sister and her family are coming round and it’ll be lovely but I think probably I will also get sad remembering how nice it was last year. Altho Christmas is still a while away yet so maybe we’ll be feeling better!

Christmas is not going to suck - you're all going to buy yourself a Christmas present with the money you save positives ladies!!!

Alright little miss sunshine! 😂😂😂 no I reckon by Christmas I’ll be feeling a lot better but I do also think I’ll probably have a little moment of feeling a bit sad, that’s just realistic but won’t let myself dwell

I'm gonna be tough love now needs to be done!

Thank you, I’m being positive as he says that counselling is a positive thing- time will tell I guess. We are communicating better and emailing each other at work. We have had dinner together twice. I’m not opening my heart fully, he’s staying at his mums and knows that’s how it has to be. But I’m cautiously optimistic.

Well I really hope it works out! We are here no matter what.

Feeling a bit blah today, just still remember how usually now I’d be getting ready to go to his for the weekend. Even tho it’s been like four months tho and it was only even my life for nine months, still makes me sad. Will try to distract myself!

Plus side, three nights in a row I’ve managed to get to sleep at a decent time, and without loads of thoughts running through my head and making me cry so pleased with that.

Can I join please! my ex broke up with me Wednesday evening and i'm devastated. I was single a year and a half after breaking up with a very abusive partner - then i joined tinder and met this amazing guy. We were only together 4 months so very short, but it was amazing. We got on so well and had a brilliant time together, I am in love. We often spoke of the future, planned Christmas and talked about moving in etc - these were often said by him. He often said how amazing I was and how much 'i ticked all the boxes for him'.

Fast forward to Wednesday and we had a discussion about children - i have none and possibly want them in the future. He has two, one biological and one step - he does not want more. He just ended it and said he couldn't take that decision away from me. I get a lot of people will say he did the right thing etc but I love him, and right now i would take a relationship with him over having children. He is being cold towards me and barely replied, I have left him too it and not called/texted. He msged today to arrange collection of a few things he has at mine and it was just so cold and matter of fact. I just feel hes cheated me in a way - got me to fall in love with him and then just dumped me.

I am struggling with the feeling of loss, not just the relationship but all the plans we had, christmas is a right off now. He's taken away my happiness and it took me a long to find it. Please tell me it gets better!

@Apparentlyacatch you're better off. My twat of an ex said he never wanted kids and I stayed with him. We had a kid after 4 years because he randomly changed his mind. 16 months after our son was born he upped and left and is now telling people I forced him to have our son. Save yourself the heartache and find someone who does want kids

@teddybeans I know your right and i would never want to be in that position. I am just struggling as we had a fantastic relationship - and its just been ripped away from me. I am lost.

@Apparentlyacatch I get it, honestly I do. My ex left without warning 3 months ago and the initial sadness lasted about a month. Since then I haven't looked back and you'll be the same. He's a small piece of a much bigger picture, sweetie. Focus on the rest ❤

Yesterday was exactly 3 months since shit for brains left. His mother sent me a charming message about how she thinks about me and knows how I feel with the heartbreak and anger. Only I haven't felt angry or heartbroken for a good 6 weeks 😂 and she still hasn't apologised for sending me an abusive message after twat left so I told her swiftly where to go. Don't have time for her fake empathy

Thanks @teddybeans I am just sick of having to start over again, I am 30 and just want to meet someone and settle down!

@Apparentlyacatch I understand that entirely! I'm 29 and honestly thought twat was my ticket to lifelong happiness. We were together for 6 years. Feels like the person I loved has died, that's how much he's changed since he left.

I want another baby. Have always wanted two close together. Am seriously considering using donor sperm next year because I want a baby - but don't want to have to navigate a drama filled manchild for however many years until I get pregnant again. Not willing to do that to myself or to my son. Plenty of time in the future for relationships but my clock is ticking very loudly at the moment. May be an option for you?

@teddybeans Thats how i feel - i suppose it is a grieving process isn't it! If that's something your considering, go for it!

I am not even sure if i do want children at the moment, maybe in the future. I just want the relationship part.

@Apparentlyacatch if you're not sure then it's probably best you work that bit out first. That way you can find someone on the same wavelength as you, whatever that ends up being ❤

@teddybeans I think what I mean is if it happens and its right then that's OK, but if I don't end up having children then I am OK with that too - I tried explaining that to my now ex but he just kept saying no, and nothing i will say will change his mind.

I am out, posted a story and ex watched it within an hour 😅

Did you have a good time?

Yeah I'm really hungover today though!

Haha I’m sure it was worth it! I haven’t had a decent night out in ages!