Break up support thread 4

[herbsmokedchicken]

Sigh.!

Ex is coming to pick up his stuff today. I know it’s going to be the end after that and I’m going to be a mess!!
I bought him some expensive branded underwear as a Christmas present and cannot return them so I have just put them in with his bag of stuff to go - I’m hoping he will see this in the way intended and as a nice gesture, I don’t want to be bitter or hate him. Don’t know if I can cope with today! There are so many things I wanna say to him but it’s pointless isn’t it 😢

@Apparentlyacatch I know exactly how you feel. When my husband comes over to pick up clothes it’s like a dagger running through my chest. I think you and your partner have formed a really close attachment within a short period of time and it sounds like maybe things were moving really quickly and he’s overwhelmed? If that’s the case then maybe him moving out will actually be a positive thing as it It will give you both time to look at your relationship from a distance. Seeing him today won’t be easy, but please try not to cry or beg him to stay, be strong and cordial - he will respect that. I know this may require some major acting skills, but trust me it’s the best thing. Have a good cry once he’s gone. Try and see today as a positive, separation could also be just what you both need at this time.

Ah yeah, exchanging your stuff sucks, made me feel so shit. All the clothes I’d kept at his smelled of him, I had to wash everything before I could wear it as it made me so sad. Agree with the advice to be strong and cordial.

How’s everyone’s Sunday going? I’m a bit meh still, had a little cry yesterday. Would say thoughts of him aren’t quite as constant but still think of him a lot. Ugh. It’s getting better but sloooooooowly.

Crap! The pick up was awful, he seemed so different and cut off. Now to start healing I guess, don’t know where to start the tears don’t stop long enough!

Oh that sucks, I’m sorry. It’s onwards and upwards from here in theory but there will be some downwards too, but it’ll hopefully help that that part is done now

Ugh I’m tired! Didn’t get to sleep till nearly 3. Partly coz I got up late yesterday which always fucks me up, partly coz my mind kept wandering and making me sad. The last few days I’ve actually not been doing that so was annoying. Tried to distract myself obvs but didn’t work well.

Dreamed about him. Forgotten the finer details but he picked me up for a spin but some random girl was in the back that he’d made arrangements to see already - didn’t get romantic vibes about it, felt more like he was avoiding having a heart to heart by having some stranger there. Can’t remember exactly what happened as we drove around but ended up just the two of us and we slept together. Just before we did o asked if it meant we were back together again and he gave a non committal answer, after I asked him what it meant and he said he was winding me up but really we were back together and “I think I can trust you a bit now” and I was like wtf? you can trust me? But then I just went with it. Think I woke up after that. Cba to look for the deeper meaning in it. Apparently the more you dream about someone the better, as helps you regulate the emotional sadness? Or something. A friend explained it to me. Def wake up sometimes feeling I’ve dreamed about him.

I’ve said before about dreams lingering and making me feel weird, with this one it’s not so much the us getting back together that’s lingered, it’s more the fact that unless he does randomly pop around for a spin between now and the 29th, I’m never going to see him again. I know it’s perfectly common for exes to never see each other again, especially if no kids, but just so bizarre that a few months ago we spoke every day, were talking about our future together, now I’ve not spoken to him in two months and will never see him again. That’s fucking weird

@herbsmokedchicken - it’s a very weird thought isn’t it! That this person was so present in your life and then all of a sudden poof they are gone! And you have to undo all the emotion and future plans you bad together.

Yes so weird! Katy Perry has recently released a song which sums it up well. Just find it so odd, especially as I’ve never done this before. I mean I sort of have cos my dad died but that was different as he didn’t have a choice about not being present in my life. But I do also find that odd. Sigh.

Just realised he’s untagged all the photos I took of him! Which is really fair enough, I had actually thought that I should delete most of them as it’s a bit weird but still a shock to see he’s done it, must have only been recently as well. I’ll delete them later because it’ll look especially weird now he’s not tagged to still have them on there

I'm feeling better again, onwards and upwards, I seem to go for a few weeks feeling okish, then bang out of nowhere it hits all over again!

I’m a bit pissed off, not that he’s done it cos really it is fair enough not to keep tagged photos from your ex up, should have gotten rid of them already really, but he already knew that the whole Instagram thing had given me a shock so I really don’t think a heads up would have been too much to ask. I feel like a weirdo having those photos up when they’re not tagged. I’d already noticed he’d gotten rid of all the statuses he’d tagged me in so guess he did it then. Think you can mass untag and generally untangle yourself from someone’s facebook except now I have to go through all the photos one by one coz they are not tagged so thanks that’ll be fun!

Yes I’m the same @Mumcomehere comes and goes! Upset now but also pissed off. Will sort out my fb later

Honestly Herb I'd just leave the photos, dont go through and look at then again, just leave them there they will eventually disappear further down your profile into the facebook ether. I haven't looked at our tagged photos for a long time so have no idea if they still are or not and i intend to keep it that way, i don't want to upset myself by finding stuff untagged/deleted and you need to start doing the same. It's very tough but if I can do it then anyone can as I'm a sucker for looking!

Feeling odd this morning, as horrendous as what my ex did to me was, it almost feels like it was the kick up the arse I needed to sort myself out. Therapy has brought out a load of issues I didnt know I had, which didnt help with my relationship at all, and now I can fix them. Weirdly roundabout and hurtful way of going about it but there we go...

I’ve done a few but have left them for now. I just feel like a bit of a weirdo having them up when he’s not tagged anymore! But yeah I think I’ll just leave them be for now cos it hurts. Keep getting little shocks like that highlighting how he has moved on. Sad. Very sad. Sometimes I’m not even thinking about him and then my brain is like oh hey remember that time you guys did this? Or what about this memory, would you like to think about that? Frustrating. I am def getting there but it’s so slooooow!

That’s really good about the therapy! I wonder about trying it over the years but I’ve not heard anything good about the mental health resources here, I’ll have to look into it.

How are you feeling these days? Aside from odd! I dunno about you but I’m so bored of feeling sad!

Yeah I'm the same, I think of him often. That's why i don't want to know if he's untagged or deleted pics anymore as I don't want that extra layer of sadness, I know he's moved on and is probably super happy now so I don't need reminding of it!

Up and down still, bit more up than down but not as down when it is down :)

Up and down still, bit more up than down but not as down when it is down

Same! We are getting there for sure.

Well obvs that was supposed to be bold but never mind

@herbsmokedchicken have you tried on line dating or other ways to meet people? Your ex seems to have really pulled away from you. Moving away. Removing your tags etc. I'd love to see you be able to do the same. You are a young woman with lots to give.

Yeah I’m on the apps again and have chatted to a few people, but not really ready yet.

I know @herbsmokedchicken I just wondered what distractions or attention could help.

Yeah there’s not much here really, and even less that I’m into! Which is why I’m also considering moving away to somewhere with a bit more life. Still not sure tho

I really don’t think I’m coping well at all - it’s been a week, I feel sick a lot of the time, barely eat, cry a lot! Still have this fantasy in my head he’s going to knock on my door and say it’s all a mistake! But it’s not gonna happen is it.

I was the same, I didn't eat for two weeks and lost a stone and a half, hardly existed apart from going to work. Cried all the time, even at work! I am doing so much better now though and you will too :) it is hard but it will get better.

Yeah @Apparentlyacatch we have all been there! I lost 8 pounds because I just couldn’t bring myself to eat altho that’s certainly not the case now (have somehow only regained two pounds tho!) and I’ve cried at work many times! And thought he was going to come back. It’s all part of the process and I know I may not seem like the best example as I moan on here a lot but it honestly does get better. I’m not ok yet, I’m still working through it and sometimes I get down but I am honestly doing so, so much better now compared to back in July when it first ended. Just got to go easy on yourself and give it time.