Break up support thread 4

[herbsmokedchicken]

Sigh.!

I think I'm the male opposite of you OP !! Every little thing reminds me of the memories we made and were to make as a family. Songs on the radio, which at the minute seem to involve loving someone or being let go by someone. The same model of car she drives, other couples holding hands everything sets me off and I end up crashing back down to square one. I go on WhatsApp and see if she's ONLINE convincing myself she's messaging another bloke. It's all pathetic but I'm too wrapped up in it all at the moment

@Tiredmum8 sorry for your situation, even when you know you're better off without them it still hurts. Time is a great healer, I'm definitely getting better as time goes on and throwing myself into work and my kids to make my life better.

@farnworth53 sorry for your situation too, sounds like you're going through similar horrible time

Hi, can I join your group too?.. it’s been six weeks since my hubs dumped me on our wedding anniversary & the OW is someone he manages at work. He blames me for this, it’s all my fault, etc. I don’t recognise him and I hate the way he’s treated me, but I’d have him back in a heartbeat. I too check his Whattsapp status, and he’s liking my social media posts. He sent me a happy birthday text last week and left me a card. I’m so hurt and confused

Oh that’s horrible! I wonder if the happy birthday, card etc are because he doesn’t want to look/feel like the bad guy? It’s not your fault. he chose to cheat, that’s not on you. And on your anniversary! That’s low.

I woke up feeling ok today! Had a dream I slept with a very minor comedian (won’t say who because he’s minor enough that this could come up in a google search!) (and no it wasn’t Romesh, I still can’t watch him in anything, sorry hun I know you’re watching this thread and waiting) and it’s the first time I’ve been able to imagine being with someone else, even if it is unattainable! And then woke up feeling ok. Dunno how long it’ll last but think it’s a sign I’m getting a bit out of the funk I’ve been in for last few days - period is ended too so reckon that did contribute. Determined to get my room sorted this weekend, I know I keep saying it but I really need to, I’m sure it’ll help me feel more in control.

How is everyone else feeling? Any plans for the weekend?

Hi, yeah I think he is feeling very guilty. I’ve gone no contact and yet he still finds the stupidest reasons to drop by the house. The woman he’s with now actually dated his manager last year and when that ended she made a complaint against him to HR. So my husband has fallen for a real peach - so bloody cliche, falling for a work colleague, should have seen it coming as she’s the only female in his team of four and she’s slept with 2 of the 3 men in the team! I’m angry at how he’s treated me more so than the affair. Words have been said that have really cut me deep. I just want this awful low feeling to go . 7 years obviously counted for nothing.

Anyone on reddit? I’ve been on www.reddit.com/r/BreakUps/ and so many people sum up how I feel!

Yeah I did a post on there a while back, not that anyone answered!
I keep getting random snatches of his messages in my head, today's is "the feelings are elsewhere now" what does that even mean 😅

Haven’t done my own post but commented on a few.

Yes I’m the same! For weeks after, his opening line of “I haven’t been able to say I love you because I don’t feel it anymore” kept whizzing round. Stopped for a bit but started again. Also “he’s bought a house” pops in at random times. So annoying!

Three weeks today till he goes. I hate this. I fucking hate this. Hoping once he’s actually gone it might help.

Herbsmokedchicken I keep replaying that he ‘did love me’ and ‘you’re my best friend’.. urgh! He’s such a stupid man, no one can see him& the other woman lasting.. such a waste. I just want to sell the house and cut him out of my life. You can get through this ..3 weeks until you can breathe

It’s horrible! Just now I was remembering how he said he didn’t think he was destined for long term love and he was feeling ok single...he’d rather be alone than with me basically, thanks bruv.

Yes you def need him out of your life! Just thought, my earlier post might be misleading to anyone who hasn’t read earlier posts - I won’t see him at any point in these three weeks, it’s just until he’s actually left town I feel like I’ll still have that hope

Evening ladies, ryah76 I’m so sorry to hear all this :( it’s awful how it makes u feel all the years u were together meant nothing to them!
They move on so quickly while we pick the pieces up heartbroken!
It’s basically anyone and everyone who will have them as they are so scared of being alone!
I’m struggling tonight so just snuggling with the dog, shall go bed soon, it’s better to be asleep than just sat thinking things over. Xx

The phrase I remember most was him saying 'I love you so it's hard but I have to let you go' obviously not that hard or he would have stayed with me I'm quite cynical now and I dont believe much of what he said. He was probably just trying to ease his guilt and keep me hanging as a backup. Occasionally I see something that reminds me, remember him sleeping in bed etc but on the whole now I'm used to him being gone. I dont want to hear from him, I've found the whole thing quite depressing tbh.

Hope everyone is having a good Friday night!

@PuffinSock I see things that remind me all the time, I look at phone and think oh he would be ringing/ txting me now!
But he’s ringing and txting someone else now.
God this is hard, my intention tonight was to sleep through it but I can’t sleep now!

@Tiredmum8 I have found it does get easier over time, it must be three months since I saw mine and the first few weeks were the worst, the shock of him going, feeling in panic and turmoil. Very gradually I've found my pride and determination have come back too, so the deception still hurts (his reason for going was to be with someone else) but now I want to do better than a man who cheats and lies.

Forgive me break up thread for I have sinned....ok it's not that bad but I was watching for if he was online on facebook again last night :( after weeks of not doing it! But the good news is he was on there for like an hour and then again later on so hopefully he's getting bored 😅 or maybe wasn't with her 🤷🏻‍♀️ who knows but it made me smile a little on a friday night. Back to not stalking now!

Naughty naughty @Jonsnowsghost! Haha I can’t say anything, I’ve turned off last seen on WhatsApp so at least can’t see when he was online but I still type in our chat box so can still see when he’s online if he is. Ugh this is a bloody plopper isn’t it? Can’t wait for the day when this is all just a memory.

How’s everyone feeling? I’m feeling pretty shit. I just wish I could get it out my head! It’s so frustrating, I’ll be watching insta stories or tv and suddenly it’ll just into my head. And I can’t distract myself with a task because then it’s all I can think about. Was sorting out my room earlier (yes, finally, altho it’s only half done) and it was the only thing going through my mind. I want to think about moving but I find it so overwhelming, I’ve got no idea how to live alone plus, without wanting to be too outing of where I live, I’d be moving from within the UK but to england, so have to figure out uk tax, how to get registered there, that kind of stuff as well as just what I’d do to move. and I know it’s all doable but I don’t know where to start! I tried googling how to move from my area to England but all the results were how to move from England to here, helpful. But I’m not ready to talk about it to people I know so I can’t ask for help. I’ve told a couple of people and they are supportive but I know most people will think I’m crazy. Plus I want to work it out on my own. Ugh. I would so love to be happy for A, moving into his own house, but all I can think is how much I wish i was moving into it with him.

Well that’s my vent lol

So, im he is away after the ultimatum. We have been texting but a lot less and a lot colder than normal. This is all too odd... ive no clue what he is gonna have to say on his return tomorrow.... hope your saturday night is good! Im here reading MN threads, drinkin veer and watchin telly.... i shouldnt complain... but why cant life just be easy!? Just a bit!?!

Evening, just read your thread, the ultimatum etc. Just wanted to send you a hug.

@ryah76 thank you.... read urs too... good luck to them... you know he has made a massive mistake, shell drop him for the next available team member, and it will take him a little while to see what he had and lost.... but he will see it and by then it will be too late.
He has just told me good night. He has been so cold. I dont know what ill find tomorrow. But as it is... this is not good... if he says he wants to stay im still gonna think thats probs cause its easier for him....

It's been 2 weeks and 2 days since we split up and 3 weeks since we have seen each other. I am just totally numb. I feel really bleak about things. I'm 34 with two children (7 and 2) and just don't hold out any hope of meeting anyone new in the future.

I feel sad all the time, I check his online status on messenger and watsapp too (I'm so pleased when he's online but I don't even know why? It could mean he's bored and endlessly scrolling, or could mean he's chatting to someone new). We're still 'friends' on social media which is laughable really because we're absolutely not friends in real life.

He's been off work since we split (we work together) but is returning on Monday. I don't want to see his face.

I want to fast forward into the future. Skip out this bit. It's too painful.

Welcome to the checking if they’re online club (we need a snappier name) it’s so pointless but we just keep doing it!

I wish I knew what they are thinking throwing away women who truly love them, for what? I decided to go semi no contact with mine, this was after I’d begged, pleaded, did the ‘pick me dance ‘ etc. I decided enough, and I only maintain contact for practical reasons , eg house, bills etc.
Since adopting this he’s now sending me random texts and shows up at the house to ‘ see how I am’. I’m not reading too much into this, I still think he’s seeing the bitch, but also think the penny may be dropping and he’s realising what he’s thrown away , and hopefully just how dangerous this woman is!
If your hubs doesn’t respond as you hope, maybe going no contact might be something to think about, it might shock him into realising what he stands to loose.

@jonsnowsghost you scared me for a second thinking youd been phoning him or something I was so relieved youd only been checking his online status. I reckon that's pretty harmless.

@herbsmokedchicken hopefully you'll feel better when you're used to him not being in your area. I found it helped me as even though it was painful him being far away it felt like I had no choice, it was pointless contacting him etc.

@Ryah76 I think they are just weak people and they love the ego boost of getting someone they previously thought unobtainable, whereas their loving partner is no challenge. No contact is definitely best, it gives you some control over your life and makes them realise what they've lost.