Break up support thread 4

[herbsmokedchicken]

Sigh.!

@Jonsnowsghost I can’t even really see most of his social media so not even really anything to look at now! So I must stop as it’s so pointless. What pisses me off is he now has a lovely clean fb with no trace of me, but I can’t mass hide his posts from me because he’s not tagged in them anymore, so I get confronted with them every time I check my memories! But I like checking my memories, it’s part of my morning routine! Another example of how it’s all coming up Milhouse for him!

Happy Friday everyone! Hope you’re all doing ok. I feel weird. Don’t feel too bad at the moment but don’t trust it - often find that means hope has crept back in...

Just wish I could stop thinking about him! I really must try and see if there’s any techniques. I don’t really have anything else to think about tho! Still toying with moving but haven’t made a decision but maybe I should look into a bit more as a distraction.

I am struggling a lot today:
Wednesday- met my ex to get my things he was all over me giving me banter, telling me he loved me and loved how we were getting on as friends..he said he will always be there for me and loves me so much. Need to go back monday to get my things (he invited me for dinner as well as his mum)
Thursday- (Yesterday) he said to me on the phone he misses my company and hurting (whilst liking girls photos on insta) then said he didnt mean to confuse me at all. Rang him before bed and we had a decent-ish chat but could tell he didn't really want to talk to me. He said he was tired and had a long day, he said he was looking forward to Monday. I told him i've accepted the break up, but i'm hurting.

i am the one who has started about 60-70% of the contact, he messages and asks how i am randomly. i feel like i am chasing him for attention/conversation and his response was 'but i've always replied to you'. he hung up and said he loves me and will see me monday.

i am SO confused. he told he doesnt want to move on and will kill him when i do.. but also doesnt want ME.

do i do no contact until monday when i go get my things? HELP :(

my heart is so so broken

NO CONTACT

I know it’s hard but sounds like he’s really messing you around. NC till Monday, get your stuff, then NC again. You’re not friends. Maybe you will be one day (altho I thought that and look at me now!) but right now you’re not and you won’t be able to accept it and move on if you’re in contact with him.

I blocked him on everything. Changing the locks this weekend. He doesn't exist as far as I'm concerned. Over it. Not wasting anymore of my life giving him another second of my thoughts.

@dazed did you see him yesterday then? If yes I’m assuming it didn’t go well? Hope you’re ok.

It went fine til he came clean about a lie which I had asked him about. Then I saw red, hes a shit human. Just wish I had chucked my pint over him!

Oh man that sucks! But I think anger can be a good step in the healing process so might help! Good for you on blocking and changing the locks.

Yeah he can do one. When hes ready to act like a decent human maybe we can talk. But he really is dead to me now.

Ugh feeling shit now. It’s almost 7 months in, I’m used to not going to his on Fridays, but sometimes it still hits me.

Well I fairly screwed up yesterday by misreading signs/thinking I could make it ok the way I did in the past knowing fine rightly it's just not the right time. Then I got some news about our daughters health again so it takes my priority, he did try talking like normal on the phone after I had seen the dr about our daughter and the next steps but I ended the call abruptly. he hasnt messaged after or anything. Will see him today when leaving little one down but literally doing a quick hand over and thats it. He told me yesterday he just needs time and space fo get over our fight, but I worry giving him that will make me lose him forever when in reality I know me pushing at him is literally pushing him into the arms of someone else. No contact- with the exception of our daughter- from now on

So I fucked up big time 👍 been talking to this guy I knew from years back and he was making all the right noises. Stupidly slept with him on Thursday and haven't really heard from him since. We were supposed to go on a date today (take 2 of the date we were supposed to have a couple weeks ago but his car broke down) but he chose to go out with the lads last night instead.

Feel like a right twat but at least I know where I stand I guess 😣😣 I give up on men! Going to focus on me and my little lad and save up some pennies for a sperm donor.

Hope you're all having better luck than I am!

Ahh that sucks! I fucking hate all this bullshit, I thought I’d escaped it!

I’m still finding it really hard, I hate how much I still miss him! I’ve found some self-hypnotherapy thing which I’m going to give a go, just need to stop thinking about him all the time. Literally, he is constantly on my mind. And now he’s moved on it makes me feel so pathetic - he’s not thinking of me, he’s got everything, and I’m pining over him! It makes me feel so small.

Hi herb I've not visited this thread for a while and have read your updates. I know you have said that him marrying was arranged for him. But he is a grown man who has chosen to go along with this. He has moved on and is now married. I'm worried you are still so wrapped up in him. What can you do to out this behind you now? You can see there is no hope and he has treated very badly. Did you say you had converted to Islam for him? Is this a deep rooted belief for you or can you denounce this now and see it as part of being sucked in by him.

Are you having therapy? What support do you have from friends and family? What can you be doing to look after yourself and put this to bed and start living your life again?

And please delete and block all social media, phone numbers, email addresses etc. There is nothing to be found from continuing to look him up other than causing yourself pain and keeping yourself locked into this cycle of pain shopping.

Just had an email to say hes cancelled our joint Netflix (from Netflix not him).
I'm shaking and sweating and feel like I'm going to be sick. How pathetic is that?! Its just another thing that's over and more proof that he won't be coming back

Hello. Please may I join? Reading all these messages gives me hope even though I’m so sorry that you’re all feeling like me.

Welcome @KnuckleHead101 you are very welcome here. Sorry for your hurt.

Thank you very much x. I’m hoping it gets easier because I feel utterly bereft and totally pathetic

Hello, can I join too?
Still early days for me, it’s only been a week since me and my partner of 7 years split up. Today hasn’t been a good one, he was here collecting some of his stuff and I cried in front of him a few times, he comforted me but he seems like the split isn’t bothering him at all. How can he be so okay with it when I feel like I’m falling apart?
Anyway after he left I had a chat to my mum who made me feel a bit better and ordered a self help book that Amazon prime have just delivered ‘It’s called a break up because it’s broken’ which got good reviews so I’m going to give it a read in the bath in a bit and hopefully gain some useful insight into how I can start to move on.
I usually dread work on a Sunday night but now I’m looking forward to going in Tomorrow As it should take my mind off it for a bit, I feel absolutely exhausted and drained from dealing with my misery this weekend.
Love and hugs to all you lovely people going through the same

@Olive122 x

Thank you @Knucklehead101 are you in the early stages of a break up, or has it been longer for you?

@Olive122 today was the first day.

@knucklehead101 oh sweetheart I’m sorry, that one is the worst, it does get better I promise.

I went through the breakup of my first long term relationship about 8 yrs ago and so I know that it will be okay in the end, you won’t feel like this forever. Don’t expect too much of yourself for these first few weeks. I’ve been struggling with my sleep so that hasn’t helped but even this weekend I’ve had some time where I’ve not thought about it for a while while I’ve been busy, or had some positive thoughts about the future.

Like you said, it feels comforting that other people are in the same boat and you’re not alone. X

Hugs everyone. It does get better with time, focus on you and take each day at a time or each hour if need be.

I went on a date today. Maybe it's too soon but it was v. Nice to know there are other people in the world.

Thank you ladies. I’m so cross with myself for being so pathetic and needy. He’s an alcoholic who hadn’t had a serious relationship for ten years before me. Why am I assuming I am in the wrong and pathetically waiting for him to give me scraps. I left a (unhappy) marriage for him. There’s karma for you..