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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Break up support thread 4

864 replies

herbsmokedchicken · 04/11/2019 08:51

Sigh.!

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Jonsnowsghost · 29/01/2020 09:33

Feeling sad again today but I'll be fine.
I still can't believe your ex is married after like 6 months, that is so crazy!
Was reading another thread about being dumped by text (added my contribution!) And some good posters on there made me feel a bit better, particularly the one from a man's perspective basically all saying at some point they are likely to regret or have to confront the uncomfortable feelings about how they behaved towards you. This is all I want really! I may be far away with someone else at the time but I just think it's unfair that I was made to feel the way I did whilst he got off Scot free with his new infatuation Hmm

herbsmokedchicken · 29/01/2020 09:48

Yes I know the thread you mean!

I find it less crazy than the people I’ve told because 1. I’ve been expecting it for ages and 2. I know these things often happen very quickly so to me it doesn’t seem as bizarre that it happened so fast but does seem bizarre that he’s even with someone else, which I guess I would also feel if he just had a girlfriend. I hope he feels uncomfortable sometimes. He shouldn’t have dated out his culture knowing his family wouldn’t accept me. I said as much last time I saw him.

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herbsmokedchicken · 29/01/2020 09:49

I just want him back tho. Think the envy is starting to kick in. But I know I’ll be ok, I’ve already bounced back way better than I would have a few months ago but just sick of thinking of him all the time!!! But whenever I go on the dating apps I’m like nope what a bunch of turds. Sigh.

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herbsmokedchicken · 29/01/2020 09:54

I’ve also been reading the thread about the women whose Jewish partner was having pressure from his parents about her and I identified with that a lot. Mixed marriages happen and if he had genuinely loved me I think we’d have made it work but god it would have been hard. This is probably for the best.

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herbsmokedchicken · 29/01/2020 22:31

Hope everyone’s doing well today! Met up with my best friend and had a good chat about it. Was really good to talk it through. Think the man sat next to us enjoyed it as well.

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Mumcomehere · 29/01/2020 23:43

Herb, how did you find out?

herbsmokedchicken · 30/01/2020 07:15

I saw the wedding cake on insta. That’s literally all I know, he’s unfriended me on fb, knew something was up when he did that. So he doesn’t even know that I know! But he’s still fb friends with one of my friends so must know I’ll find out eventually, I really think it’s pretty shit of him not to give me a heads up tbh. I know our lives are separate now and he can do what he wants but still.

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herbsmokedchicken · 30/01/2020 09:57

I’m feeling a lot better but it still feels weird if I think about it! Which I try not to do. There is, infuriatingly, a tiny bit of hope still which doesn’t seem to want to go away.

But then I remember reading that when grieving someone it takes a year and a day to truly believe they’re gone, coz then you’ve gone through all the birthdays, anniversaries etc without them. He’s not dead obvs but I am still grieving. I’m hoping it doesn’t take that long as that would mean I still feel shit in July, but it’s been half a year now and I’m still not quite over it so I guess we have a few more milestones for me to go through alone.

Next week will be a year since we first did the do and I know he will have no idea. I really wish I didn’t have such a head for dates! I always remember stuff!

Me and my friend yesterday were saying how he (and many men) can just put it all in a box and compartmentalise. I suppose it’s better that I’m doing all my feeling and working through it all now.

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Jonsnowsghost · 30/01/2020 14:02

100% agree with the men being able to compartmentalise!! Why can they do that so easily 😅
I'm the same, been half a year, still feeling a bit shit but not as bad. Can't believe I haven't seen him for 7 months when we were practically in each others pockets. Crazy.

herbsmokedchicken · 30/01/2020 14:07

I know it’s bizarre! It was the same before we got together, I initially said I wanted to just he friends (regret that now, it was only due to fear and it probably wouldn’t have changed anything but what if it did?) and even tho deep down he still fancied me, he put those feelings in a box to respect the friendship. I couldn’t do that and eventually asked him out.

Yeah it’s crazy when you think they were your life and now they are gone!

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herbsmokedchicken · 30/01/2020 15:45

Half a year, seems so crazy when you see it like rhayv

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herbsmokedchicken · 30/01/2020 15:45

*that!

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herbsmokedchicken · 30/01/2020 16:33

Ahhhh does anyone else have moments where it just feels like any second now they’re going to text you?

I KNOW HE’S NOT (and if he did it would only because he finally had the balls to tell me he was married) but it feels like he will, sometimes it feels like any second now it’s going to be a bad dream and he’ll never have gone. It’s incredibly frustrating because I know it’s not true.

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Dazedandconfused10 · 30/01/2020 19:04

I used to drive home from work convinced he'd be parked up.

I just went on a date!

herbsmokedchicken · 30/01/2020 19:38

Yes until he left town I’d think that!

Oooh how did it go???

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Dazedandconfused10 · 30/01/2020 19:42

It was ok. I feel good about me which is the main thing. Annoyingly the person who would have loved any anecdotes would be ex. But I didnt leave comparing them. So that's good. But I think I'll work on me for now!

herbsmokedchicken · 30/01/2020 19:53

Well done for taking the step! It’s hard.

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Dazedandconfused10 · 30/01/2020 19:55

I feel very good about myself, I so nervous before and now I know I dont need to be, but I'm gonna get back in the gym and sort myself out first. But what a confidence boost

herbsmokedchicken · 30/01/2020 20:24

That’s the main thing, feeling good about yourself

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herbsmokedchicken · 31/01/2020 07:25

Morning all, happy Friday! Hope everyone has a good day. Was feeling pretty sad last night so hope today is better. Just so bored of being sad lol

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Dazedandconfused10 · 31/01/2020 08:40

Morning! Ex messaged me today. I think we might meet soon. And now I'm back to feeling blah because I'm gonna get my hopes up even though I shouldn't

herbsmokedchicken · 31/01/2020 09:27

What did he say? Why will you meet - to discuss the house? Please try not to get your hopes up, easier said than done I know because even NC I somehow randomly get my hopes up sometimes for no actual reason. But I just feel like I should say it!

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Dazedandconfused10 · 31/01/2020 10:13

No I know I shouldn't! It's so hard though. I just feel better when we are in contact. Hes got some family stuff going on which I know the ins and outs of so I think he needs someone to vent to and I cant be a bitch when I've experienced the same stuff because I know its hard.

herbsmokedchicken · 31/01/2020 10:28

Ah i see! It’s so hard isn’t it.

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Dazedandconfused10 · 31/01/2020 10:33

Blah. My date wants to see me again but I'm not sure. I don't really want anyone else at the moment but also feel I shouldn't hide away in the hope of rekindling what I had with ex