Partner can't come to 20 week scan.

[Terri123456]

So, I don't know if I'm over reacting. My partner said to me his friend can get him 2 free tickets for him and his son (from a previous relationship) to a theme park on the day of my 20 week scan. I said to him that's great but what about my scan. He can't get anyone to look after his son anyway so he would have to wait outside as the hospital have a strict policy on not allowing children into the ultrasound. I was more than happy for him to wait outside. Anyway, he was umming and arrring about the whole thing so I said to him ok well why don't you go the theme park and I'll just go on my own. I expected him to respond saying no I want to be there for you even if I wait outside. But he never. He was like well if you're sure? I was shocked because it wasn't the response I expected. This is my first pregnancy. I'm also rhesus negative which has freaked me right out. I worry that if I'm on my own and god forbid there is something wrong I'm not going to be able to cope. My partner keeps saying it will be fine. I'm sure it will be but I really wanted him to want to be there to support me. But if he wanted to be there then he would. I feel like he's prioritised me and the baby below himself and his first son. I worry that I won't get the support I need when the baby is actually here if he is happy to miss out on a 20 week scan what else is he happy to miss out on. I now have to go to my 20 week scan alone and my family and friends all live 4 hours away. I'm so upset. I don't know how to handle it because I've made a lot of sacrifices for him and he can't find a way to go to my 20 week scan. HELP! Am i over reacting?

It's his son! Taking him on a day out let him be sorry but it's just a scan

This is his child aswell. My partner and his son go on days out all the time and I make sure they have lad time on their own. This was one time. It's not unreasonable.

OP - I am not sure what else is going in in your relationship but this seems like there are a lot of issues. And this is one where you decided to take all of your frustration onto.

For starters - why would you say No to marrying him yet decide to have a baby with him. Which is a bigger commitment in your mind?
The way you talk about his family also points to a lot of issues. On both sides, it seems.

If you are unhappy - you can just leave. You don’t need excuses or making him into a horrible person.
And there is also a possibility that pregnancy hormones are playing a part in this.

However - my guess is that as in most situations it’s not all black and white. You sound very high strung and unable to look at the situation in any other way but with you in the centre.
If I were to guess I’d say you are probably fairly young. And he is, possibly, a bit older. And you ended up in this relationship not understanding what it means to raise somebody else’s child.
(That’s why you talk about sacrifices and ‘babysitting‘ which always makes me cringe. Strangers babysit. If you are in a relationship/living with a partner with child that you say you treat as your own - it’s not called babysitting.)

Anyway - I hope for everybody’s sake you will sort it out. The way you are going is leading you to being a single mother.
At least it’s what it sounds like you want to do.
And yet - yu can’t even be at a scan by yourself and deal with life curve balls as an adult.
So - think about what you want. Leave if that’s truly what would make you happy.
Or stay and be an adult. Talk and try to see others points of views, not only yours.

So I'm unreasonable for wanting the father of the child at my scan? That makes me a child? What is wrong with people lol.

Life's curv balls are work, sick child, things that are out of everyone's control. This wasn't.

Using “lol” when you are trying to defend yourself against accusations you’re behaving like a child probably isn’t the wisest course of action.

@Terri123456 he has a child that would know he's dad didn't take him out for the day! Your unborn child would never know he wasn't there for a scan it's so sad it's just a scan of it was the birth I would understand. My husband couldn't come to all of mine scans I didn't cry about it

We aren't all the same that great that you didn't need support or weren't emotional. Some people are...

Having just had potentially devastating news at my 20 week scan, and being beyond grateful my husband was there to support me whilst it sank in and next steps were explained... YANBU XXX

The theme park is a red herring. When the date of the scan came and he realised it was inset day he should have arranged care for his stepson so that he could be there with you. I think you were a bit daft for telling him to go but equally, he was daft in planning in taking a small child to the appointment in the first place. He could have asked a parent at the school if they could help out for example. He could have used. A paid babysitting service.

He's a twat for not doing everything he can to commit to the supporting you through labour too. He should be asking around for people he can call in in an emergency while he supports you through childbirth, if he really won't try I'd be considering going back home to get the support you need.

I went to my scans on my own because dh worked away and couldn't take the time off, I think that's very different to knowing you have the time off and not trying to arrange childcare for a few hours. I also have a stepson and at one point it looked like he may but be able to attend the birth if I went into labour during contact as while we had people who could step in and help if I went in during the day, if I went in during the night there were less people, in the end dhs ex said she'd not go out drinking and would make herself available if we needed her help. I've had my issues with his ex at times but very appreciative of her helping then and she's a great mum who, even when angry with dh, was only doing so with her sons best interest at heart.

I'm sorry you haven't hadn't had a great experience today.

I agree with you that he should’ve been there. It is his child too. An hour of his time wasn’t a lot to ask. He had plenty of notice and can take his son to a theme park any time.
He doesn’t seem particularly interested in the baby to be honest.
I’m also expecting and the child’s father has only recently decided he is interested. That said, this is still a huge lack of interest. I’ve told him my due date a million times and he still tells people a whole month out! He hasn’t supported me one bit.
I don’t know if things will improve for you, but considering you’ve taken on his son and do so much for him, I doubt they will as he clearly takes you for granted.
I would personally jump ship now and move to your family. It will be harder to do when the baby arrives. I just wouldn’t expect him to be involved if you did.

My partners ex isn't so understanding :/. I'm worried she will try to stop him attending the birth by bringing up something to do with their son. Or if I happen to go into labour during pick up and drop off times. She won't care that I'm in labour that will be irrelevant to her she will just insist that her contact times are met. She's very unreasonable. We are terrified of her finding out I'm pregnant because she will just go off on one.

I'm worried if I leave he's going to take me to court for contact. Like he did with his ex. He ended up winning full custody. His family where fairly aggressive toward his ex as well and even his mum has said she wants custody of his son. It's all very messy. I'm worried About what it would mean for me if I left with the baby.

Terri there is something quite immature about the way you and your DP communicate and make decisions.

This ^

You've said He wants to talk about it now but I'm really not ready to. He's just got in from his day out and I can barely look at him to be honest. I was terrified today and I needed him and he let me down. I'm so angry with him. I'll talk to him when I'm ready.

So once again, you are playing games. You've had some news that has made you concerned, about the pregnancy / baby, and you are not sharing it with the baby's Dad - your partner ???

How are you going to cope with parenting if you're treating him like this over a problem that you created yourself by playing games with him.

This ^

and I agree with so much of what @MMmomDD has said

why would you say No to marrying him yet decide to have a baby with him. Which is a bigger commitment in your mind?

Anyway - I hope for everybody’s sake you will sort it out. The way you are going is leading you to being a single mother.
At least it’s what it sounds like you want to do.
And yet - you can’t even be at a scan by yourself and deal with life curve balls as an adult.
So - think about what you want. Leave if that’s truly what would make you happy.
Or stay and be an adult. Talk and try to see others points of views, not only yours.

I can't believe some of the horrible responses on here
I'm sorry for you op, please move back to your family, people who care for you. Your partner sounds like he doesn't give a shit about you and is dismissive of your feelings and concerns. He's showing you who he is. Don't put his name on the birth certificate.

Wow, why the fuck should he be left off the birth certificate? The man has responsibilities for his other child and because he would also want to see his child if op left him, that makes him a bad person? This is such an immature situation that op has put herself into and continues to make worse.

Argh? At what point did I say I would stop anyone seeing a child? Jesus, if you don't like what you read stop lurking on the thread.

OP can you at least answer the question of why you are having a child with a man you don’t want to marry?

Your posts make less and less sense, btw.
First his ex was portrayed as unfit parent hence your bf having full custody. Now you are saying bad Bf manipulates the situation.

Then you seem to be totally unaware of how life works. Of course - if you separate and have the child he will have rights as a father to see the child. And unless you are unfit he won’t get full custody.
And this is the only reason you are staying?

You make everything seem so dramatic. Are you usually this way?

You're quite immature. You've been looking for a squabble and lurking until you find one. It's a discussion not an opportunity for malice. Please stop responding.

Not sure which of this this is aimed at ?
However, you can't dictate who reads and responds to your post. You've posted on the internet, presumably so you get some honest responses, or maybe a wide variety of points of view. If you want everyone to agree with you and pat you on the head and say 'there, there', then you need to speak to a person in real life who will do that for you. If you ask the world at large what everybody else thinks, then you will get people answering those questions and responding to those comments.

My dp told me that it was better for me to go to my ds making day ( Christmas school event) instead of his passing out. We spoke about it and he said that ds Christmas event was more important, that I had already supported him so much through training.

If I had got home to dp not talking to me and telling me I should of known he needed me and that our relationship was over -
I would of told him straight that he was a game player!

You can have all the pp on here telling you your right and giving you examples but at the end of the day you should of communicated better.

The ex doesn't know, the parents hate you, the father prefers his first ds?...
I'm hoping your young and it's pregnancy that is affecting your thoughts.

As much as these situations maybe happening it will only get worse a whole heap worse if you both don't find a way to talk.

For people saying "it's just a scan".. really? you have no fucking idea. Reading that makes me rage as much as the OP on another thread who referred to the 20 week as the 'gender scan'.

@halloweenismyseason I find it odd he didn't want you at his passing out parade to be honest.

Request another date. Support is important.