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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

NEW FAB AND GLAM

952 replies

Dior · 17/08/2007 13:32

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
sunshinegirl · 08/09/2007 22:59

And congrats lily!!!!!!!!!!!!

LilyLoo · 09/09/2007 11:47

Thanks sgirl , at least i suppose you will be able to start to move on now he has properly moved out. Sending much love to you and the strength to tell your dc's
x Lily

Paddlechick666 · 10/09/2007 14:32

H has lost his job [worried] [very very worried]

HappyWoman · 10/09/2007 18:40

Oh pc - what bad luck was it out of the blue or sort of expected? More worry that you just dont need.

Not feeling to good at the moment but i think it is the come down from holiday and getting back into the school routine.

Baffy how did the weekend go?

Original poster
Dior · 10/09/2007 18:40

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
LilyLoo · 10/09/2007 19:54

oh PC what a nightmare it never rains on here does it where does that leave you ? What about house ?

sunshinegirl · 10/09/2007 22:12

Thanks for your support Lily, much appreciated

PC, bloody hell, another thing you really don't need, so sorry. Hope to catch you on MSN soon x

macdoodle · 10/09/2007 22:36

Sorry PC sure not what you need...
Very up and down here - happy by myself with DD excited for new LO ....dont want H back NO idea what he wants WON'T talk - has been seeing OW baby alone in her flat while she is at work not sure how I feel about this really - really resenting supporting all of us and business - want a divorce (there said it but just can't say it to him just don't know why not...)

sugar34plum · 11/09/2007 13:24

pc wow! worst possible timing. Can you manage at all without his finacial support? Dont know what to say apart from it sucks!

Baffy · 11/09/2007 14:30

shit pc are you ok? I will text you later on - are you going to be able to cope until your sale and then the purchase of the new place all goes through?

osj are you ok? have you told the children anything yet?

I got back from girly weekend yesterday - had absolutely lovely relaxing time. Spent the days on the beach and the nights dancing away Makes it much harder to come back to reality though!!

Original poster
Dior · 11/09/2007 14:30

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
Baffy · 11/09/2007 14:37

Thanks Dior. Are you ok? Haven't had chance to catch up with anything yet.

HappyWoman · 11/09/2007 15:18

Baffy glad you had a good time - the reality is a bugger struggling with it myself at the moment.

Baffy · 11/09/2007 15:43

HW anything new? Just day to day things or has anything changed with ow? Did she decide whether she could work with him or not or is she still causing a fuss?

HappyWoman · 11/09/2007 16:01

She has caused a fuss played the hand her notice in (hoping they would not accept it - which they didnt of course) she has said she cant work with him (what a surprise - anyone with half a brain should have known that) she is now being moved to another dept but it will probably lead to huge promotion and all the trapping that go with it. Sane part of me trys to detact and not let it worry me but the totally mad part wants to watch her squirm and suffer and beg for my forgiveness - but that is not the type of person i am. And if anyone else says it is understandable i think i will swing for them (agian out of character for me). I dont want understanding i want an end to it and it is not coming very fast.

Also not a good time of year lots of horrible dates to get past - so nothing as such just a horrible horrible mess i feel i am left to sort out and it wil my fault if it fails now (just generally feeling sorry for myself really).

Missing the sunshine too and desperately trying to stick my tan back on with mosturiser. And feeling fat fat fat and need to do something about it before it gets out of hand.

He is being fantastic by the way.

Anyway feeling better now that is off my chest.

Thanks

Baffy · 11/09/2007 16:09

Ah so glad he is being fantastic! That's the main thing for now.

She is an absolute drama queen, pathetic. And she knows just how to play people doesn't she. Should give you even more comfort that she is a manipulative . Totally understand the frustration, especially given the possible promotion etc etc - but understand more that you just want an end to the whole nightmare! (So no understanding coming from me )

All I can say is that the day will come when it all comes back and bites her on the bum. I swear it will. I do firmly believe that what goes around comes around, and whether it be 3 months or 3 years - she will NOT be the one who comes away from all of this smiling. You will be! And you can hold your head high.

This time last year was horrendous. This year you're getting through all those dates as best you can. This time next year you will be happier than you've ever been, building lots of new memories.

lol at you sticking your tan back on with moisturiser though! am doing exactly the same and only been back a day!!

HappyWoman · 11/09/2007 16:41

Thanks Baffy you are great. You are so right when you say that we are building new memories and that she will have to live with herself for an awful long time. I know from experience that the money and all the trappings of the job are not worth a jot in the big scheme of things really. I have my most pecious things with me inside. The love of my family some great friends and an absolute knowledge that i have not gone out of my way to cause suffering to others. I can sleep at night (or i could if i could switch of some of these negative thoughts) with peace of mind.
I need to let go of every bit of her - just wish i knew how to. It is funny but h now says he actually hates her - becasue of the type of person she is and the way she had/has no feelings for anyone but herself. He says it is a bit like a 'born-again' feeling and he is so glad and grateful that me and our friends are giving the chance again to have what we all knew he wanted all along.

i am sure there is a part of me that wont/cant quite believe everything he says and i find myself putting up a barrier to protect myself, i am hoping that slowly he can break through this barrier and although it will never be the same again i do truely believe now that it can be better.

When do you start the new job? not sure i should ask it is bound to be a painful date for me!!!!!!!!!!!!

Baffy · 11/09/2007 17:04

Exactly right. And once those bad memories fade away you can be happy in always knowing you never intentionally caused harm or pain to anyone. You're surrounded by a family and husband that love and admire you. What could be more important than that?!

I am actually very of you - your dh sounds like he's really turned a corner. And it's up to him to break down that barrier day by day, by slowly rebuilding the trust - but I really think it sounds like he will manage it.

I start my new job on the 8th October.
But I am actually going away again next tuesday for a week! Taking ds on a family holiday with my parents and his aunties and uncles and cousins. Ds loves nothing more than being with all the family! Was just a complete co-incidence that the girls weekend and family holiday are so close together... Not that I'm complaining though!

HappyWoman · 11/09/2007 17:12

Oh that is great news - you too will have fantastic memories being made now. I really hope you have a great break.

My h is doing all he can - he really is wonderful in so many ways - no wonder she wanted him for herself. The trouble is he was such an arse last year she did not get the best of him. She has never shared his childish moments with the children or laughed all night with his friends. No she was just a guilty secret he was too ashamed to share - what woman would honestly really want that? I know he wants me and is not afraid to shout it out loud to all who want to listen. Also got that new ring while away so feel special again.

You are doing well and i hope you are proud of yourself - is there any news of starting the legal ball rolling - i know you cant say too much on here but i know while i was away it came up and i may not have caught up with it all.

Any support or help and advice you may need just email me and i will help in anyway i can.

LilyLoo · 11/09/2007 17:15

wow Baffy another hol am of you hope you have a fab time. Have you heard anything from PC ?

Baffy · 12/09/2007 09:01

PC texted last night - she's doing ok (in the circumstances) she just can't believe what's happening. She's an absolute star!

Won't say too much I'm sure she'll be on to update soon.

LilyLoo · 12/09/2007 09:51

Poor pc let her know we thinking of her

macdoodle · 12/09/2007 15:11

Saw OW and baby in town today I was driving through town and she was crossing road - felt like driving over her TBH - feel really really upset just hit me that this is in my and my DC lives forever ......think have just been burying it in back of head

LilyLoo · 12/09/2007 20:14

poor you mcdoodle i suppose it is easy to be a bit of an ostrich when we don't have to face it. I really don't know how you are coping with her having a bay i really don't it must be awful. When are you due again ? Just saw your post on the photo op.

Baffy · 12/09/2007 21:22

macd I really don't know how you cope with it - you have done amazingly well. it was bound to hit you at some stage. I really do admire you for the way you've handled everything - I know that if my H's ow had a baby there is no way I would be as calm and composed as you.

All you can do now is focus on yourself, dd, and your new little one. Once the baby comes along you will be that busy, and that happy with your gorgeous little family, that any thoughts of ow and her baby will be pushed right out.

Don't let her, or dh's weakness and stupid mistakes, overshaddow all the amazing things you have going for you. I know it's easier said than done, but believe me, I'd give anything right now to have another baby, so try to enjoy that and focus on that. You're so strong. You'll come out of this the happiest in the long run