NEW FAB AND GLAM

[Dior]

Message withdrawn

sorry to hear about h's job pc, where does that leave you?

Enjoy your holiday, baffy, sounds like it's going to be fun.

I'm having a weekend alone in London this w/e. I'm supposed oto be visiting mil, but I've got a (unusually for me) stinkying cold, so I dunno if I'll be allowed. I'm just praying it clears up.

Bad about mil, can't remember what I last said, but they found a 2nd (inoperable) tumour and she's too poorly for treatment. She finally made it out of itu and into a normal ward, but she's in a side room. Last week we got a call saying she'd deteriorated (just after everyone was so hopeful at her getting out of itu) and asking for permission not to resus. We all thought she would die that night but she's still hanging on. But has another lung infection, most of the time doesn't recognise people, she can't speak or communicate or move. It's horrific really. 4 months this has been dragging on. What a terrible way to go. Still, I'll be heartbroken if I come all the way to London and not be allowed to see her.

Had major falling out w. dh this am. Feel under pressure as he's moving to Milan in 7 weeks.

I asked if ow had been in touch about job last night & he looked me straight in the eye and said no.

This am I phoned and said I thought he was lying and he admitted it!!!! She has phoned him and he didn't tell me at the time, lied about it last night. He said I caught him by surprise. So is the default seting bollocks and lies and he needs time to consider all angles before he can tell the truth.
And if he's lying about this, what else is he lying about. I told him I want him to move out when I return from UK, but tbh dunno if I can stick to my guns. It isn't the fact she phoned hi. It's the fact that he just lies and lies and lies and how do I know???

Plus with OW I have decided enough is fing enough. I've not said a word to her ever, despte the fact she's trampled all over my life, but I really feel she is completely taking the piss. She KNOWS we've agreed he's to have no contact but she shows no regard for me and phones him anyway to have a chat about his new job?? I am so fing mad. I know the village she lives in. I am seriously considering driving there tomorrow and walking every bloody street till I find her house, then telling her dh. I will not put up with her shit any more

Or does that make me deranged and I shouldn't do it??? My God I am still so mad and all this happened 1st thing this am

god ernest I CANNOT believe he is still lying!

and I am totally with you regarding your anger at the ow - why will these women not just give up and walk away. not intent with ruining people's lives they come back time and again to add more pain and distress

All I can say is that I 100% know where you are coming from and I have had exactly the same thing time and time again with H. Will these people never learn!!!!

And with him going off to Milan in 7 weeks... wtf is he playing at?! And why can't these people tell the ow 'NO more contact' and then actually stick to it!

I will shut up now before I rant for England!

So sorry to hear about your MIL - I really hope you get to see her while you're over here

oh Ernest know how you feel its the lies isn't it - its like once they know they can lie to you it just becomes a habit I know will never trust H again
As for Ow I think they are just the type that don't care about the lives and families they dstroy - mine kept chasing H despite him saying we were giving it a go (not excusing him but why chase a man with a family who clearly can't be faithful to anyone)...I confronted Ow on a few occasions at time it helped me to say to her face but in retrospect was bad idea she twisted and used things I said against me
Feeling very low today almost in shock not sure can deal with this not sure how I can't ...ignoring H calls and texts tried to talk to him earlier about seeing her and how it made me feel and he just brushed over it - I know he doesn't know what to say and he just can't make it better now but he just won't talk at all Had enough just enough now feel like am stuck in never ending bad dream

am with you on the never ending bad dream

think most of us on here are feeling that right now

wish I had some helpful words of wisdom I really do. or a magic wand...

Don't know how to get past this - saw a baby today that is my DD sister and I don't want to know it or see it or for her to eve know about it - how will we tell her Wonder what happened to the man I loved and married the future we planned ..I WANT MY LIFE BACK

thanks you 2. baffy you are such an angel.

mcd, when are you due? Are you still wavering on future with dh? I am so sorry you're feeling so low, it must feel like a never ending nightmare.you poor thing. Do you still see a lot of him? Is he coming round much to see dd?

Forgot to say re mil, last week they said fr the 1st time that she has brain damage (I mean it was screamingly obvious, )but they alwys maintained her lack of awareness/movement/recognition etc was due to the fact she's been/still is so poorly. Finally they say she has suffered brain damage and every infection etc is another attack. I don't feel they're being entirely honest with us either

What do you guys reckon then? Do I tell her dh, do I not tell him. Do I contact her? I just feel like a mug sitting here while she does what the hell she wants with MY husband and I don't even say anything. I really can't decie. I drove there today, but the effing sat nav (STILL) isn't working, so I got lost and couldn't find the village!! AMybe that's a sign I shouldn't do it. But am I seriously supposed to just sit back and let her do whatever she wants?

Dn't know answer Ernest I fought for my H confronted OW tried to change ...it didn't work it wasn't worth it it was never gonna get fixed ....sometimes am glad I told her how I felt but I know she has told people I am lunatic stalker wife so it made me look worse - I have had no contact with her for months now and TBH think it is better no simple answer really....
So sorry about MIL sounds truly awful so hard when you don't know how long or how she is responding - hope they let you see her....
Am due boxing day pretty sure don't want H back but at moment he is around so much it is hard no boundaries no limits - finances all intertwined with me basically supporting all of us - says not giving OW money but don't believe it - don't trust a word he says but cannot deny still love him which makes it so hard and so sad for this new LO ....feel like can't move on can't make break just stuck and sad while he seems to have best both worlds with no consequences even though I know it is my fault and I need to stand strong and sort it out

ernest I think 99% of people on here would say don't contact her, don't tell her H, rise above it etc etc...

all I can do is tell you what I would do in your situation, and if it were me I would have to find her, see her face to face, and then decide about contacting her H.

I have met my H's ow twice now (well 4 times altogether but twice to actually talk properly). I can honestly say they were the only 2 times in this whole nightmare that I actually felt that I got somewhere. when I actually felt I learned the truth. and having my say was so important to me. I wanted her to have an image of me, just as my mind was plagued with the images of her.

now I don't mean to wind you up with all of this - you need some of the others to come on and be the voice of reason! because at the end of the day you will never get compassion or understanding from the ow. so what will it really achieve?

well for me, if the woman persists with the contact, knowing full well what she has done to you, then why the hell should you sit back and let her carry on? when your OH has an affair, you feel like the piss has been taken out of you for so long. and so, imo, why should you let it carry on once you know what's happened?

lets face it, our H's don't seem to be able to put an end to it! so maybe we should!

and why should she go back to her happy life, her husband who's blissfully unaware, her children who haven't had to sit back and watch their mum go through hell...
not that her H or children in anyway should ever have to go through that. but that was her choice to make, not yours. that's why you should see her before making the decision about telling her H.
you now want an end to the situation, and if she had walked away that would have been the end. but she hasn't - so what options do you have left....

let this continue? let it split you and dh up? hope that over time your dh manages to stop the contact? hope that she eventually does the right thing and leaves him alone? or confront her face to face?

for me, the only way would be to see her. but I hope the others come along soon with reasons why you shouldn't.

x posts macd - good reasons for not seeing her, I do agree.

I guess I always knew I'd keep my composure no matter what (saved the breakdown for behind closed doors!)

But I did always feel that even if I was irrational when speaking to the ow, or said the wrong thing or whatever, then I think most people would believe that under the circumstances I had every right to be irrational and angry. after what we've been through we have every right to deal with things however we see fit at the time xx

prob is I'm scared of seeing her, that she'll laugh at me, look down on me, twist everything I say, . I'm crap at discussions/debates/arguments. I am no lawyer. I remember 3 days later things I should've said, I forget things that happened. she's obviously cleverer, brighter etc than me.

And I honestly don't say that so pople say, ooh no ernest you're great you are, cos I'm not and I genuinely feel like that and it's true. I am mentally slow and crap at stringing facs together without getting muddled or in a knot. She'll just luagh at me.

she'd never laugh at you - you're the one with the strength, the morals, the husband who chose you!

But I guess if you feel like that then you would maybe not come across well or say what you need to say. Therefore could walk away from a meeting and feel even worse!

In which case perhaps turn the focus back on your H. Make him put a stop to it. Make him prove to you it's over. Make him call her right in front of you. Either he's committed to you and to making your marriage work, or the odd text and phone call to her is more important?

He really should be doing everything in his power now to put things right. Whatever it takes. And he needs to prove to you he'll stop the contact. Otherwise how will you ever get over this?

Or if I phone and say I want to meet her and she just refuses? and laughs in my face?

I don't worry too much bout what she'd say to others as we don't live anywhere near her, I don't know anybody she knows, I'd never know.

Not saying Enrest shouldn't confront her and I do think it helped (?) me to see her and confront her ..it didn't get nasty till I realised she had used things I had said twisted them and fed them back to H ...which is when she realised she was rumbled and started acting the innocent little victim at which stage I knew I would never win that me and DD would never be any issue for her and she really had no concern/idea at all as to how appaling her behaviour was/is and her getting pregnant just proved that
I wonder now that she has her own DC if she realises what a awful thing she did breaking up a family and chasing a married man but I doubt it I don't want her or her child in my life or anywhere near my DC Gotta go to bed am tired and hurting today feel like had a hard slap of reality in the face

that's why I thought I'd tell her husband after all, so that she's too busy dealing with her shit at home, so that he can make her stop.

you see baffy, I've had a million goes at dh today about lying to me. I forgot to even mention the fact he actually engaged in the 'forbidden' conversation, that he didn't honour what he promised me by no contact. I didn't even register that one. God no wonder they both treat me like a mug. I am such a f*ing idiot

Ernest could you write her a letter - I did it took me hours and I rewrote it a few times - it said a lot and I hope she kept it and reads it again - NOW that did help it was calm and dignified and said a lot of things I wanted to get off my chest ....night heres to a better day tomorrow all around day at a time ...

hope you sleep well, pet

night macd, I really hope you get some rest and tomorrow is a better day

ernest I know exactly what you mean. I suppose if you're at the stage where you can't trust dh to deal with it then what more can you do other than tell her dh? I do see where you're coming from I really do. and if I were you I'd probably find a way to contact him and tell him.
but let me sleep on that! I'm all wound up for you now. may have a more rational head on in the morning!

night baffy

Hi Ernest

I know exactly how you feel - i will email you with some advice if that is ok.

well, good morning guys. Had MASSIVE row with dh last night. He apologised a lot, said he didn't tell me at the time cos I was so down and didn't want to upset me. Well, luckily I'm not upset now. He then (again) came out with the old chestnut that he didn't think it was that bad,o nly a chat about work blah blah blah at which point I totally lost it.

I asked how I'm supposed to remain in a marriage where he lies to me, deceives me batreys me with this woman.

He slept in spare room. He left me a cuppa while I was in the shower but left for work then so I didn't see him this morning.

I do love him, and apart from this incident (if he is to be believed it was a one off) he has been trying. I can't imagine my marriage being over but I am now so f*cking fed up of this woman still popping up. I want to stamp (figurtively speaking) on her head.

I really don't know what to do. I dug out her mobile number (1.30 am) and even rang to have it out with her then but I'd taken the phone off the hook upstairs so I couldn't possibly a good thing?

I don't know. am tempted to phone her now cos I'm so bloody angry but am so crap at confrontations.

Am still extremely serious about telling her dh now. She has pushed me too far.

What say the faggots on phoning her/ telling her dh?

oh yes please hw.

Morning!

I don't blame you for being furious - I'm still furious on your behalf!

I still feel like if it were me I would call her / tell her dh. Why should she continue to get away with this?

As for dh not realising how bad it was to be back in touch with her...
So glad you made it clear to him how you feel about it - this is no time to bottle things up. I just hope he took some notice this time!

Message withdrawn

Hi all.

Macd i dont even know what to say. I cannot even imagine the pain of seeing the ow and her baby. It was bad enough for me being told some woman was expecting my dh baby turned out to be total lies. I know its a rash thing but any chance of relocating to a new area? Bumping into her in the town must be an absolute nightmare. And a few years of but what about the dd's going to the same school as her? Bumping into them with dh and dd's hers and yours? I bet your dh hasnt even thought about these things.

Ernest. So sorry to hear about your mum in law. Take paracetomol and drink lots of orange juice. Gets rid of my colds in 2 days flat. I have to say i would have to have it out with the ow even if i made a complete twat of myself.I would also be telling the ow h as he has a right to know his wifes a trollop.

As for h talking to her men are so friggin thick he probably saw it as innocent and thought nothing of it and truely didnt want to upset you in anyway. But she knows exactly what she is doing and she needs to stop and be told to stop. Your dh needs to tell her to get lost and not be polite about it. You should tell her and her h should tell her too.

baffy 2 holidays??? !!!!

Hope youu have a fantastic time you deserve it.

I saw things msn blog apparently it hates desperate women!! she will hate them even more when one gives her the slap she desreves!!

Lack of sleep making me cranky dd3 is teething bless and wants cuddles all night and the only thing that seems to make her happy is pulling my hair! Cant wait for her to have some of her own!!!

All going great with dh. Still want to move away next year new start. Even thinking of buying up a b&b sp i have my own financial stability whilst he runs the building company. Just a thought for now may change my mind again yet!

Hope everyone else is doing ok?

Hi all, mcd hope you're feeling better today.

sp so glad things are going well for you (someone!) atm
Developments here -
I drove to ow's village in attempt to search out her house but got there and found it was much bigger than I thought - no chance. Anyway, tried to phone her and she's changed her mobile number.

Dh phoned I asked for her number and he refused to give it to me. I said yet another example of him puuting her before me. Slammed phone down and called a colleague /friend who knows them both and acted all innocent, hi the number I've got for (1st name) isn't working, you don't have a different number do you, oh, and by the way, what's her address?' And he gave them to me. Felt a bit bad. Is that a terrible trick to have played on the poor bloke? DOn't want him to get into trouble but I feel so bloody powerless with the 2 of them

Anyway, told dh I was so pissed off I threatened to make up a leaflet outlining his affair and distribute it around his work, so that everyone can know. He flipped. Really panicking. Begging me not to, damage to his career, end our marriege (notice his order of priorities) etc etc. Majow grovelling.

So I think he has finally got the message that I'm not happy about him talking to her, and I demand to be treated with more respect etc etc.

He was, for 1st time ever really grovelling, so I inadvertantly found his achillees heel, marriage, no, kids, no, wife, no, family no, career - holy shit, now he sits up and takes notice.

I feel I have a tiny bit of power at last.

Now have to deiced if I use the numbers and/or address or not. I get the feeling he is listening at last. Well, should I ring her and tell her the same thing? Or just leave it now?