NEW FAB AND GLAM

[Dior]

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wow really busy here!Massive congrats Baffy this is the start of your new life for you and ds ,brill news
Ernest brill about the job am really pleased for you, sorry to hear about mil it must be an awful time.
Kipper at least you know your doing the right thing, you have tried your best and i am sure once it's done you willbe able to move on.
Pc any news of h ?
Thanks sugarplum
Mcdoodle am sorry you can't get through this as we have seen here there is no easy answer althoguh i am sure it's doubly hard for you as the ow baby is a constant reminder. I hope you can move on and regardless you will have amuch loved little dd to cherish.Have you thought of any names yet? I not finding out sex but really can't think o any girls names.
Happy woman your very brave well done, are you a namechanger then? Sory but not quite sure of yuor other name, anyway you sound like you are moving on with things, don't think i would ever dare to do that, well done!
Well here's to more good news for this thread it's been so for so long we need lot's more

Yup sorry happy your story rings bells but can't place with old name - clues please...
Funnily enough Lilyloo my new LO will be Lily - my beloved cherished grandmother died in March (just before this baby was conceived) - she was always always there for me and adored me , she knew I always wanted another child and I feel that this was her final gift to me (strange for the hard old cynic I usually am)..she was Lillian Catherine but Lily to all who knew her so no question for me this LO will be a much cherished Lily [sad smile]...so just to decide on middle name ....Lily Rose?? Lily Joe ?? not sure
Anyway happy thoughts to all today

not lily joe- lily rose nice. not lily joe... ot's late, post tomorrow.
good on ya, hw

right, we're off. see y'all in a week altho am sure i'll be sad enough to find some internet access down there!

stay dry!

ps: nothing from h.....

pps: my mum broke her ankle last night so don't think it'll be the holiday we were planning

oh PC try and forget about him for the week , your poor mum! Am sure you will have afab one anyway just try and have a rest and enjoy yourself
Mcdoodle my dd Lily Grace , prefer Lily Rose. Nice to remember your gran in that way though ! My dp gran called Lily and she was over the moon when we called dd it as she in her 90's so said she happy the name will carry on after she gone.
Hope everyone else having good weekend.

Wow great updates from everyone... don't know where to start!

Hurtwife I love the new name! Sounds like you're having a great time - enjoy your holiday

Sugar how are you doing? Everything ok with dh at the moment?

Ernest so sad about your MIL. I hope you're doing ok in the circumstances. FWIW I think you're doing the right thing in not going to Milan for the moment and good for you for thinking about what you and the boys wants for now... just take one day at a time and see what happens.
Best of luck with the new job anyway. That's the fantastic new challenge you need. I'm so pleased for you. You must let us know how it goes!

Macd I'm glad you're focusing on yourself, dd and the baby and not worrying too much about H right now. I think you're right not to rush into telling dd about his other child, keep the focus on you and your new baby and let her love every minute of being a big sister! I bet she can't wait can she! We're all so lucky we have such amazing children to keep us going.
(Lilyloo I agree with you on macd's name ideas... Lily Rose is lovely!)

PC sorry to hear about your mum. I hope you still manage to get out and about and have a lovely break. It's as good an excuse as any to make sure you do lots of relaxing in bars and cafes though... cooked breakfasts, cream teas, feet up having a brandy by 3pm and all that! Just make the most of it and have a great time.
Can't belive H still not been in touch

OSJ can't believe you're actually splitting up Is it what you both want? Or is it because you just can't see any way back? Are you ok?

Dior how's things with you? (Relate was really really good - difficult to say and hear it all, but it all has to be said. And fantastic way to get it all out in a controlled and calm way. I think it will be really useful for us both...)

Well... I have had a mad weekend! Aunty's 50th birthday party on Friday night which was fantastic! Then ds was 2 yesterday so we had a brilliant party at my mum's house - great day and he loved every second! Will put the pictures on my facebook this evening for those who can see that.
I'm very hung over today!!

Hoping to call in to see the company that have offered me the job this evening to talk through my final few questions and get a detailed understanding of the role... but all being well, I hope to formally accept it this week and hand my notice in here!!!

Happy birthday to ds Baffy and hope the finalisation of job goes well

hi all, you got details of job finalised yet baffy? When's ds's birthday? It's my ds1's birthday tomorrow. Hope I feel better by then. Really down today. Just feel so miserable. even shining sun not helping. Dh went out last night with 'Martin'. Well, he probably did, but how would I know. He consistently insists he's had no further contact with the beast, but frankly, i've got no way of knowing if that's true or not. In fact, if he didn't make that one mistake with the new lap top i'd still be in the dark. He is making more effort, saying he loves me often, contacting me quite a lot during day, tho he sort of did that before anyway. I just feel if I feel so down and miserable after he gos out for one night, how the hell will I cope when he's in Milan? I sometimes wonder if there's any way I'll ever get over this.

Anyway, Dior, I haven't heard about you for ages, how's it going with dh - better/worse/the same?

Baffy is H really messing around with this 19 year old again, or is that still?

Men are such fuckwits. the lot of 'em.

hi ernest

sorry you're feeling so low - it's an impossible situation isn't it I just don't know how you get that trust back (like you say, even when they are contacting you, saying they love you etc. it doesn't make you feel any better, because you know they are capable of doing that whilst living a double life...)

All I can say is that people do manage to get through it. You've already proved you have the strength. You just probably now need to give it time.

How is MIL?

Job is all sorted out - I have accepted it!!! Just trying to work up the courage to hand my notice in at work! I know I have to do what's best for me etc... but they're going to go mental here when they find out!

No idea if H is still with his 19 year old girlfriend... but at a guess... given that the past 4 times he said it was over it actually wasn't... then I'd say he probably is still sleeping with her yes.

To be honest though I am finally coping with it and starting not to care. Have been on a couple of dates with a fantastic bloke who makes me feel like a million dollars. There's nothing long term in it. But for the moment he is the best thing that could have ever happened to me. I'm starting to realise that there is a life without H... and it could be a bloody good one too!

a big part of me feels jealous of you tbh, is that really bad?

congratulations on new job. Do you strrt November-ish? Don't worry about resigning. They know you've had a tough time and need to put yourself first.

Mil progressing, inasmuch as they're aiming to wean her off the ventilator - she hasn't been able to breathe independantly for something like 9 weeks, so long job, but she's making real progress all of a sudden, and if she's off the ventilator she'll be able to be moved to a normal ward, even if she is still not able to move (which she isn't apart from fingers from what i can tell). Poeple think she's now able to recognise them. But all the while she has an inoperable tumour and is too ill for any treatment. No idea how fast growing the tumour is, so how much time there is...?

about MIL I really hope you now all just get to spend as much time with her as you can

And no it's not bad to be jealous at all. I feel like that about you too - all I wanted was for him to want to come back and to at least try.
All we can do in these situations is deal with what we've got in front of us.
I am making the most of the situation, trying to move on (new job, dating, looking for new home)... but I would have given anything to be in your position and have a real chance at giving my marriage another shot. Anything. I've just been fighting a losing battle for so long that if I don't move on it will tear me apart.

But tbh I would still rather be in your position.
(even though I completely understand how difficult it is)

I probably won't ever get to see mil again It was so hard leaving London, and saying goodbye to her. I have to look after the boys, no way can they go there. Hoping she'll be moved to a local hospital if she imporves enough with ventilator. Dh is going to London again this weekend. Sil is getting the hang of expressing, so she'ss now been able to visit her a couple of times since baby born.

You're right I know I shouldn't feel jealous Its just seems so bloody hard all the time, and out of control. It is worse for you but you at least now are master of your own ship. But in our different ways, the victims of other people's selfish horrible behaviour which has changed our lives forever

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Because he's only working over here for a few more months then going back home (Ireland)

I originally thought he was here til March so just thought we'll see how things go and not to worry... but he said last night that he may go at the end of next month (he's working 12 hour days, 6 days a week at the moment, and has done for 3 years, so I can't really blame him for feeling like he's had enough!)

Can't help feeling a bit though

But then I just think I'll have to take one day at a time and enjoy each day as it comes... who knows what the future holds hey...

Sorry to hear about mil Ernest and that you feel so down, only time will tell if you can get through this. Happy birthday to ds.
Baffy even if he puts a smile on your face until then! It will probably boost your confidence to have other relationships , i agree you should just enjoy it and have a laugh , you deserve it. It's funny isn't it how h doesn't consume all your thoughts now, am sure he will be gutted when you move on and he is left with his grass is greener ? not, other half!

How sad am i to be catching up with you all whilst on hols!!

Great news about the job Baffy and the dates, another one here a bit jealous too.

Ernest i know how you feel that it is so big to get through - i still have my doubts and sometimes wish i had the strengh to go it alone - i feel so weak sometimes. Completely agree about the selfishness of others changing our lives forever - but at least we know in our hearts we will never do that and that we are better people because of it.

Having had time to think - the aftermarth for me and h and ow is still not over. she is looking for reassurances at work and changing her mind about whether she can 'work' with him or not. Of course the male dominated bosses dont understand what she is playing at neither does h but i am sure you all know what i mean. She wants them to say 'dont leave we need you ect ect.... - i have to hold onto the fact that she is having a hard time of it all. I still hold the card of making it 'open' at work and i know that they would not like that, again i think the male bosses think - these things happen now lets get on with business.

Anyway back to the holiday sun which always makes me feel better - and the trashy novels (all full of affairs - so not such a good idea at the moment!!)

Take care everyone and Ill be back in Sept.

I know who you are now happy woman
I think we all deal in our own ways there is no right solution - whilst Baffy wishes her H wanted to come back I wish mine would stay away, whilst Dior wishes her H would end it and not make it her decision, OSJ has decided it is time to seperate - we all go our own ways and do the best we can - I hope we l have happy endings whatever choices we make, whether it takes a year or 10, we deserve them

hear hear.

nice summary mcd.

feeling better today. Taught my 2nd lesson in 8 years and really enjoyed it. Even tho my class today was all girls - I've got 3 sons and the school I taught in was all boys, so girls are a bit alien to me. Soooo quiet!

Told Dh is was having bad day and he's made some effort to reassure me, or at least acknowledged that's what he should do.

Wish I could go on holiday hw. sigh. enjoy jourself.

I am the queen pressie chooser btw (preen). I chose all of ds's present and despite dh's scepticism, dh was over the moon.

Well done Ernest, glad the job going well! Although girls quiet not if they are my dd!
Went for 20 week scna yesterday and alls well, we didn't want to find out but dp said he heard the sonographer say 'and there's her eyes!' So looks like it might be a dd again and i really not too sure of the names that dp likes. He keeps saying the same two every time i ask and as i chose dd 1 name i did say he could choose this one. Hope it grows on me, am still in really as i was sure it was a ds!
Hope everyone ok and enjoying this beautiful weather and have a lovely bank holiday weekend!

lovely to hear your news lily - so exciting!
you never know until the lo comes out though... still could be a boy!!
I know what you mean about being so shocked though, I was absolutely convinced that ds was a girl... I only had a 50/50 chance and couldn't have been more wrong!

ernest glad you're ok and the job is going well so far.

and hw glad you're enjoying your holiday.

update from me - Relate counsellor on wednesday pretty much said there is no point in going anymore as H has made his decision and he didn't feel there was any more benefit in the sessions. he said that now we understand the issues that led to H's unhappiness, and understand that we could have easily overcome them, the next step would be to discuss how to move on together. but as H was adamant he's moving into his flat next week and doesn't want to try, the counsellor said there was no point in continuing!!
which is fair enough I guess!

counsellor was great. very unbiased and perceptive, but also very much on my 'side' if you see what I mean - he was genuinelly shocked at H' attitude and pretty much said he cannot understand why he would choose to walk away from me and his baby for a 19 year old! he said to H 'has she always been that good looking?!'

H was adamant that he is no longer seeing her.

However we went to the races yesterday for a friend's birthday - and his girlfriend obviously was unhappy with him being out with me, because he was not only texting all day, but spent an hour in the evening on the phone fighting with someone! and I'll bet my life it wasn't his parents! and all his mates were with us...
so obviously he is continuing to lie to both of us, and is clearly in a relationship with her.

great start that she is so jealous and possessive that he can't even have a day out in my company without her going mental!

I'm considering taking out an Injunction to keep her away from the baby now though. He can make his own choices. But I'm so so scared of her kicking off in front of ds. I hate the thought of getting solicitors involved but H cannot be trusted and she continues to have these outbursts that just give me no confidence at all that she is stable enough to be around ds. He is with H today and I'll bet they're all out together I just hope she doesn't take her anger out on H until I pick ds up later. So difficult but I really don't want her involved with the baby right now.

Just got letter through post from hotel thanking us for recent visit and why not go there again. Obviously I don't recognise it, asked dh, he admits he went there with ow. I am so fucking pissed off. DO I now look forward to months of having my nose rubbed in it from swanky hotels?

Oh ernest
What an arse. You just don't need that on top of everything

These blokes need their bits chopping off I'm telling you! With a rusty knife. I volunteer myself to do it!

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hi ginnedupmummy (it's mylittlestar here!)

glad things are ok with you and you and dp are getting on great, and having a job you enjoy makes all the difference doesn't it - lovely to have good news on here