Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Newish man and money comments...

325 replies

WhatTuesdayBacon · 31/10/2019 09:58

I’ve been dating someone for around 4 months. He’s quite keen (I like him but I’m not as certain yet).

I’m around 10 years younger than him and he’s recently paid off his mortgage (he chose to tell me this early on!). I have a good job but have only really just got on the property ladder, have car repayments and only just starting to pay off anything decent with my student loan. That said, I do have spare money and can afford to go away and do things. My point really is that while I am independent, like most people it’s not always easy and if something goes wrong like a boiler breakdown then it’s your usual panic situation. (Yes I am saving a little as I go before anyone latches on to that! Grin)

This man, lets call him Pete, has made a few comments about money that I find unusual compared with people I have dated before. I want to give all the facts so this may be relevant...I had the week before this comment mentioned that I hadn’t stayed out long for drinks with friends as I had overspent a bit last month on a trip away. It was a flippant comment, made in passing when he asked why I was home earlier than expected. Later that evening we talked about going to the cinema one weekend soon and he asked me if i could afford it. I found this comment strange? Almost like he was checking if I would be expecting him to pay, which I find very insulting! I make decent money and he can quite clearly see that I’ve set up life for myself without any help from anyone - I’m not a freeloader. And then on top of that, given he’s paid off his mortgage and likes to comment on that (fair enough he’s proud to have done it at a reasonably young age), you’d think he wouldn’t actually be bothered about forking our 15 quid on two cinema tickets IF it was the case that I couldn’t pay for it.

He’s made other similar comments, for instance I said I didn’t want to pay for a taxi back from town as I was going on holiday soon so I was happy to drive and just have one...he said ‘we’ve got to pay to meet up one way or another and it’s nice to have a drink.’ Again, rather than basically telling me I should pay for a taxi, if it matters so much just drop me off on the way back before he goes to his?!

There was also a night out very early on, date three maybe, where he wanted to take me to some bars he knew of. It was very expensive and when the bill came he said to the waiter immediately that we’d split it. Given that he’d wanted to ‘take me to these places’ where I had no say in the cost as they were new to me, I feel like he should have at least asked if that sort of place was ok before we went in, or been prepared to pay for it. I wouldn’t take a friend somewhere extremely expensive and assume they will spilt a bill with me because I had decided we would go there. It seems rude.

AIBU? He’s generally nice in all other ways but lack of generosity is a turn off for me, especially when someone is wanting to constantly express how comfortable they are and then makes these sorts of comments. I’ve no issue paying my own way (I always chose that option) but his attitude makes me so uncomfortable...

OP posts:
Italia2005 · 03/11/2019 10:01

Ooh KJ I like that!
Yes, OP, Katharine Janeway has summed him up perfectly.
You’ve had a lucky escape by seeing his true personality and it’s time to move on.

Euromillsplz · 03/11/2019 10:03

Oh please please PLEASE send him the link to this thread.

IdiotInDisguise · 03/11/2019 10:11

I’m glad you met him again. Now is as clear as water. He doesn’t deserve your time. So no “what if?s” you are free of ever considering you were too hard on this CF.

I would have replied to his “He then said I obviously wanted someone who would pay for everything and I’d gone for him because his mortgage was paid and I knew he wanted to retire by 50.” with “honestly? I thought you wanted me to finance your lifestyle” but then... it is better not to engage with him again.

MarthasGinYard · 03/11/2019 10:16

'Alan Partridge' Grin

Bilngismything · 03/11/2019 10:18

Block the cockwomble. He sounds utterly vile.

Ghostontoast · 03/11/2019 10:25

Go on reply with “Knowing me knowing you ahaa”

daisychain01 · 03/11/2019 10:42

You shouldn't have bothered explaining- you owe him nothing, least of all giving him the opportunity for a swipe back at you. He can sleep safe in the knowledge that there is nothing for him to reproach himself for, he's perfect it's everyone else. Hence the reason he's knocking on 40 and unable to cultivate a loving adult relationship.

He sounds dysfunctional.

Just think OP you've saved yourself from :

  • him arguing you don't need the heating on in the middle of winter
  • him asking for that £3.78 you owed him from the other week (don't you remember?)
  • him accusing you of being like all those other gold-diggers, just after him for his money.

He'll be an embittered old man, with £xxxM in the bank but very lonely.

JoyceJeffries · 03/11/2019 10:46

Well done for dumping this tosser. He’s a misogynistic tight arse. The only long term relationship he will have is with his bank balance.

Boireannachlaidir · 03/11/2019 10:54

If this guy does indeed exist, he clearly has no understanding of what a "champagne socialist" is. Nor do you OP.

dontalltalkatonce · 03/11/2019 12:20

Just block him. Probably would have charged you breakfast ingredients and power to cook it after you paid the taxi to go to his.

75Renarde · 03/11/2019 12:43

Ignore @WhatTuesdayBacon
That's a troll

75Renarde · 03/11/2019 12:44

Bloody AC!!!

@Boireannachlaidir

AnneKipanki · 03/11/2019 12:53

Imagine how sexy it would be if you told him you made all your own cleaning products.

marriedwithhounds · 03/11/2019 13:01

@AnneKipanki 😂😂😂

Autumnhere1111 · 03/11/2019 14:57

He sounds like someone I met who thought I was in a well paid job( it’s often perceived to be). He had brought up pay and I explained that my job wasn’t really well paid after all(not that I had to explain) - but then he stopped texting!

money101 · 03/11/2019 16:27

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

IdleBet · 03/11/2019 16:32

Tight as a duck's arse. You are well rid.

I wouldn't give a fuck what he thought of me. He's so deluded he will always be right in his head. Knob.

DeeCeeCherry · 03/11/2019 16:41

He's tight and you're not compatible. I assume you're a grown woman and don't need some bloke coming along and taking it upon himself to assess/monitor your financial affairs.

Boring and sexist.

tipio · 03/11/2019 16:42

He then said I obviously wanted someone who would pay for everything and I’d gone for him because his mortgage was paid and I knew he wanted to retire by 50.

Grin lol.

He was obviously nasty - and/or something fundamentally wrong with him. Not read the whole thread, but a few pages, and sounds like there's something very odd about him.

Glad you've got rid.

dontalltalkatonce · 03/11/2019 16:50

God, who would want someone who retires when they're 50 hanging round? Nope. He'd be there niggling over every penny whilst you're in full swing with your career.

Ruderidinghood · 03/11/2019 17:17

OP while I think you are better off without him and I still stand by all I said in my previous post - you also have to look at yourself. You also talk about money in a certain way. For example, "I don't want to spend money on a taxi" or "I need to be careful because I spent a lot on holiday". You don't need to share that info. If someone said that to me I would feel the same way as I do about his attitude towards money. It would be a turn off. You could simply say that you are driving as you dont want to drink a lot. Keep it short and sweet.

EKGEMS · 03/11/2019 18:12

Tell him he was only looking for a female to sponge off of and be a cocklodger

hellsbellsmelons · 04/11/2019 09:47

Just send one reply and then block.
The reply should just be a link to this thread!!!

Anniegetyourgun · 04/11/2019 15:57

Well, it does make a refreshing change that instead of CF wanting a woman to be his mummy, this one wanted her to be his daddy.

Notmoresugar · 04/11/2019 16:43

Well done - what a saddo he is 😱

New posts on this thread. Refresh page