Dating thread 173 - Winter is coming - 'cuffing' is optional

[CodLiverOil556]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item. 😘

Yes of course uttersocks

Soo don’t think there will be a date number 2 I’ve proper screwed up 😂. I’d said I was going out last night and he messaged to see how my night was going. I’d not gone in the end and was just having a takeaway with a neighbor so I said that and I was glad I’d be home for 10. Then he messaged something like I could keep you company. So I thought he was serious and wrote a message like that sounded good but it was too soon and I’d like to see him again and have him keep me company in future. Now normally he writes before going to bed and he’d read this on whatapp about 9.30. So 10am when he not written (not usual) I assumed the fact I’d said no he wasn’t responding. So stroppy me wrote something like I didn’t think me not giving the answer he wanted should mean he wasn’t answering me now. Anyway a few hours later he wrote back and said it was v awkward and he was joking and we were on a different page 😬. Oops well I did think he was serious 🤷🏼‍♀️ And I’d given a balanced honest answer (which I said).

Oh no Jane, I would have thought the same if I got that message, maybe he was trying his luck!

I've had nothing fruitful, few messages back and forward but then it all stops 🤷‍♀️

I really don’t think he was though now 😬. We’ve had flirty banter before but this was a question so I assumed it was genuine. I don’t know why he didn’t message last night after my thanks but no thanks to say he was joking. So awkward 😂. I’m giving up now until the new year as I don’t have any spare days anyway until jan pretty much

@Jane1978xx I'd have thought exactly the same as you. I find snarky messages get everyones back up despite how tempting it is to send. Might be a lucky escape for you.

Yes I prob Shoudnt have sent anything this morning but I’d be no worse off in this case 🤷🏼‍♀️

There’s never anything wrong in saying what you think/need Jane

If things feel that touch and go already it's probably better to swerve him imo.

Yes it’s too much hard work and I don’t think I’ll hear from him again anyway

I think i need to reinstate William the imaginary boyfriend

I had forgotten about William, what has he been up to recently?

I have a lodger too and it's the saving of my sanity!

I think perhaps he was away on a boys holiday. But terribly civilised. He's back now and planning a visit to see me. He's been given someone to mentor at work as part of a professional qualification and he keeps moaning about it in a funny way as the mentee is a bit hopeless. He sent me a book he thought i might like recently and never leaves it too long between messages so i don't constantly wonder what I've done wrong or why hasn't he messaged. The transfer to the office down here should happen in the new year and he's found a house to rent.

A few times a week we have filthy phone sex or a video call

I'm really upset this evening.

Fwb who is generally pretty reliable if we've arranged to do something, is being a complete dick tonight. He usually comes to see me on his way back for work in the week (he goes home for the weekends). Yesterday we'd said about going for dinner tonight. Still all good today. At about 4.30 'just having dinner then be on my way' (dinner isn't an issue- he's happily eat a second meal). He has literally only just texted to say he's leaving and it will take over an hour to get here.

Really hurt by his behaviour. We are supposed to be friends anyway. He knows I've been having a rough time. I don't know whether to text him now to tell him not to bother or to let him turn up and then tell him to fuck off.

@TimeTravellingDiamond well if he's a friend, why not say it's a bit late, is it worth postponing and see what he comes back with?

I think it's easy to have higher expectations with FWB, I do it myself, but really they aren't partners, they are just friends. And you said yourself that you might want more. I think take heart from the fact that he was coming over anyway rather than cancelling.

Is agree he’s still coming anyway and you don’t know what came up for him or maybe he was tired and napped or something.

@Eesha I get what you're saying I really do. But there is literally no reason for him to not have left earlier tonight- he has had all weekend with his family/friends and he cancelled on me on Friday because he didn't want to wait for me to finish work at 5pm and went back home. He said he'd come see me on Sunday but really it's too late. It's just selfish and rude.

I get that I shouldn't over invest. But I've also mentioned to him in the past how I get lonely, it's hard filling the time when the kids aren't here. That I wanted someone to talk to etc. And he said that he very much wanted to spend time together and that I could talk to him.

I know it's all bullshit til it actually happens to, but this is someone who doesn't usually bullshit either and only a couple of weeks ago was talking about going away for the weekend etc.

I want to ditch him because I deserve better. I wonder if he knows I like him but keeps me there dangling so he can get sex when he wants it.

No what I want is for him to make more effort and like me back. But it is NEVER going to happen, not in a millions years. I deserve better than this and need to end it.

timetravelling if he was a friend then you would point out out the inconsistency and say you’re disappointed, so I guess the same applies to a FWB?

I feel awful about my FWB. I’ve just told FWB about Mr Train and that I can’t see FWB until I know which track I’m going down with Mr Train (arf, arf) and he is really sad and disappointed. I didn’t see that coming ☹️

Yes that's my feeling- he's not my partner and we're not together in any way but we are supposed to be friends- we've known eachother 9 months now and I wouldn't let my friends down, male or female. If I said we were going for dinner, I'd turn up at a decent time. If he has a proper reason for it it's different but he doesn't. He was having dinner with his mam (he could have actually said 'don't worry about doing me dinner I've got plans' but that doesn't actually bother me, I know he'd eat another dinner with me). But he then hangs about having a cup of tea and generally slobbing around.

It's not his fault how the wanker neighbour treated me yesterday and I'm not actually that bothered over him but it's underlined another crappy lonely weekend and when people can't even stick to plans with you, especially when it's fwb then it hurts a bit.

@TigerDater that's hard. Don't feel bad though you've been honest to him. Hope you get some clarity on what to do!

Ladies! I've had so many chats not but not one date. How does this work? Do guys normally ask you out straight away, di you chat for a while first?

I've chatted to a few nice potentials but nothing has come of it.

@bangheadhere40 I wouldn't spend ages chatting before meeting, best to meet up at earliest opportunity imo. No time wasting, see if you like someone. If they don't ask then ask yourself- I often have.

@TimeTravellingDiamond i think he's showing you what he is like and you just have decide whether ok with it. If he isn't making the level of effort you want., then he might not see you like that. I'm the same. You'll find yourself less invested if you find some new irons to chat to at least

bang my rule is ‘one week to meet’ and usually within 24 hours of starting, if the chat is still a live one, there is a suggestion of meeting up

@Eesha tbh I think it's all you ladies on here that really make me realise I'm getting no happiness from this so I need to end it. All I expect from him is to treat me as a friend and this tonight isn't on.

I might just go out tonight but god knows how I can put a smile on my face. From now on, it's going to be reversing things- tinder and new irons get all my attention- not him. I'm not going to comment and give him the chance to be all 'see this is why I don't want a gf blablabla'- this isn't about me expecting to be treated like a gf but like a friend and not just a series of holes to shove his dick in.