Online date turned up looking nothing like his pictures

[Crystal1981]

So I had been talking to a 28 year-old guy for a week. He sounded lovely (honestly hadn't spoken to anyone that nice before) and he looked very cute on his pictures.

We arranged to go for a drink and he told me he would be outside a café in a blue coat and black jeans.

I got there early so hovered around. I saw an older grey haired man waiting outside but couldn't see him. He then texted again saying he was under an umbrella and I realised that older man WAS him.

Now I know people can use pictures that are a couple of years old and pictures can be filtered, men can add an inch or two.
But honestly not sure this was the same person.

If that guy was 28, i'm the prime minister.
He had virtually a full head of grey hair. There is nothing wrong with grey, but using only photos where you have brown hair is misleading.

He looked like a different person to his photos and much, much older.
I thought there was no point even going for a drink and getting his hopes up. I text saying I had an emergency and got straight on the bus home.

I know that was really not good what I did but neither is misleading someone.
What would others have done ? Anyone else had this experience ?

"ton181 Sun 27-Oct-19 19:38:25
So you stood him up because he had grey hair. Shallow shallow shallow. Hes better off without someone as shallow as you."

@ton181 didn't you read the post? He was much older than his photos, it wasn't just the grey hair, it was the deception. Shallow? You're looking in a mirror!

I would have met him and asked him why he deceived you, given him a piece of my mind and then left,

He needs to be called out in his behaviour.

I'm intrigued by the photo on his profile that did not look like the others? Did it look like the man you saw!

Thanks goodness there is skype, whatsapp, facetime and all that jazz so you can see someone before you meet them.

If she stayed to have a drink with him that would have given him the green light to carry in lying to other women. He has probably lied about his age too. Nothing wrong with grey hair but if you are expecting brown hair why should women put up with it. Men wouldn’t hang around and be polite if their date turned up and she didn’t look like her pictures. They would clear off immediately.

This reminds me of a social experiment I saw ages ago on youtube (can't seem to find it atm).
But the actor who played the online date, they put in a body suit so appeared larger, didn't do their hair and dressed them down.
On the male date, 9/10 of the women stayed out of politeness, even though they looked uncomfortable! But they did so out of politeness and pressure.
On the female date, 9/10 of the males walked away! Most didn't even say a word to her. Just looked her up and down and walked off.
Funnily enough, in the comments section, it was deemed acceptable for the men to do so but not the females, males it 'showed' they asserted their authority and women it 'showed' they were shallow and obviously gold diggers, even though the experiment wasn't about money

As i said previously op, you did the right thing by walking away. If he is going to lie about something so obvious then what else is he going to lie about?
You don't owe him your time or politeness.

Imagine doing this yourself
you are 48 years old you, create an online dating profile, you use pictures of yourself from 15 years ago, you arrange a date with a 28 year old man knowing that he's expecting to meet a 33 year old woman
What kind of person would you have to be to do that?

I don’t think the OP left because he was ‘too old’. She left because he lied about himself. Also, it doesn’t sound like he just tweaked his details. Posting a photo that is so out of date he’s almost unrecognizable and then lying so blatantly about his age would be reasons for me to ditch him too. Because he’s a liar. And frankly, if she wants to date a man close to her own age, what’s wrong with that?

I married my most deceptive date ( not from OLD ) found out once we'd been married a year that he was 11 years younger than me not the 5 he'd told me! ( you wouldn't have known to look at him )
One of the many reasons he's now XH

Can somebody explain to me, like one would to a 5 year old, why a woman is shallow for not wanting to date a man old enough to be her father? Please?

Because the only purpose of a woman's life is to make men feel good? Even if the man in question is a stranger to her and a blatant liar.

Yup, apparently old crusty dudes deserve hot young girlfriends, according to some posters here.

Apparently women having any preferences about who they date - age, appearance, lifestyle, sex drive, kissing ability - is shallow. All women should give any man “a chance”, because they might be nice. And nice is all that matters.

Fuck nice, my friends are nice. My partner has to be a lot more than nice for me to be even vaguely interested. It's good to have standards - far less time wasted on inadequate men.

@cleansupdragonpoo

How do you know he lied? I used to work with 2 ladies who were both 60, one looked 40 the other looked 80.

She assumed he was older, jumped to conclusions, she didn't know for sure!

So all the men that jump to conclusions about women are right. Or is it one rule for one and another rule for another?

What a horrible experience OP. You did absolutely the right thing.
I sometimes do OLD, but it is mostly men that are heavier than I like, or older than me, or some that are too young but lie upwards about their age. I don't mind a bit of a filter even, as long as they look recognisable from their pics. You could ask for a pic while you chat, ask to FT, etc. I usually FT before meeting. That way they can see what I look like, (always worried I don't look exactly like my pics - although no one has ever said that I don't ), and I can see whether we might get on.

And I have reached my 50s, and will never date someone I'm not physically attracted to, or some who has a voice I don't like, or laughs in a way that sets my teeth on edge. The. When we meet, smells, clothes, walk, facial expressions etc all come into it.
And if I'm not attracted, then I don't see them again. I'll say I didn't feel any chemistry if pushed for a reason.
Everyone I know that is single does the same thing.

I'm not saying I date men that misrepresent themselves. I'm saying the majority of men do lie online.

Nice is the bare minimum I expect, along with honest.

ton181, it is clear that your standards of men are rock bottom, breathing possibly being the only one.

At this stage you have every right to terminate the interaction with no justification necessary. In fact as a man I’d rather live in a world women stood me up and ghosted me occasionally than didn’t listen to their gut. Sometimes there is more at stake than hurt feelings.

I went back onto OLD yesterday and set up a brand new profile, complete with filters as to the age of men who can message me. I'm 52, my filters are 47-57
Immediately inundated with messages. I can see from my emails that a fair few much younger guys had messaged but not got through the filters.
One messaged me from 120 miles away and also shorter than me so obviously hadn't read my profile.
His profile said he was 49 but he def looked 20 yrs younger than that. I asked him bout his age he confirmed 49. I pushed back Until he admitted he was 31 but liked older women . When I pointed out that he'd lied and that was hardly the way to start a new relationship he said ' but I like older women. What am I supposed to do when you all set your filters for an older age range!'
It's not just older men feeling entitled to having younger women!! They all feel entitled to any woman they happen to want

I've been there. Met a guy who was clearly at least 10 st heavier and 10 years older than the man in his pics. I spoke to him and told him his dishonesty wasnt acceptable and that I wasnt willing to have a drink with a man who straight up lied to me.

Ive been on many dates...lots of guys fib about age and height like a LOT, but tbh ive always stayed for the chat..i see it as an experience, just being polite to different people and remember everyone has feeling maybe he was really nice and has had a lot if bad luck dating so stretched the truth a bit. Its no crime. Youre an adult ..it wouldnt if hurt you to of had a quick coffee n chat, you should of behaved better imho.

And that's the sort of 'be nice' bullshit that gets so many girls and women into trouble. Women are people too not some sort of social service for the terminally inadequate.

If someone didn't look exactly like their picture I'd be off without even saying hello. I'd never post a pic of me 20 years younger. What's the point.

Sissyjd, you sound really nice and I’m sure you’ll make some lying man a lovely surrendered wife someday.

...i see it as an experience, just being polite to different people ...
If that's what floats your boat when OLD, then crack on Sissyj.😂 Most other users will be looking for an honest person who they find interesting and with whom they have a physical attraction.

maybe he was really nice
Maybe he was a rapist/pedant/artist/married/millionaire. Maybe he was anything. The one thing that the OP really knew about him was that he was a liar. Really nice guys dont lie. They dont misrepresent themselves, because, well, they're really nice.