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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Online date turned up looking nothing like his pictures

373 replies

Crystal1981 · 26/10/2019 13:55

So I had been talking to a 28 year-old guy for a week. He sounded lovely (honestly hadn't spoken to anyone that nice before) and he looked very cute on his pictures.

We arranged to go for a drink and he told me he would be outside a café in a blue coat and black jeans.

I got there early so hovered around. I saw an older grey haired man waiting outside but couldn't see him. He then texted again saying he was under an umbrella and I realised that older man WAS him.

Now I know people can use pictures that are a couple of years old and pictures can be filtered, men can add an inch or two.
But honestly not sure this was the same person.

If that guy was 28, i'm the prime minister.
He had virtually a full head of grey hair. There is nothing wrong with grey, but using only photos where you have brown hair is misleading.

He looked like a different person to his photos and much, much older.
I thought there was no point even going for a drink and getting his hopes up. I text saying I had an emergency and got straight on the bus home.

I know that was really not good what I did but neither is misleading someone.
What would others have done ? Anyone else had this experience ?

OP posts:
avamiah · 28/10/2019 00:35

But if your there anyway what’s the harm in having a drink with him ?
You never know he might be a nice guy .

RhinoskinhaveI · 28/10/2019 00:37

Or should that be gammon in pants?
really Ava youd have a drink with him, and a nice little chat
nice little chat with the bloke has lied through his teeth with the sole intention of making you uncomfortable so that you'd feel embarrassed for him and back down and let him walk all over you
are you out of your mind?
This man is a Predator and you want to 'offer him your throat' so to speak, reward him for his cheeky boyish little ruse?
you do realise that he will take this as a green light...a come hither sign
"10-4 good buddy we got us a stalker in the making"

RhinoskinhaveI · 28/10/2019 00:39

He lied from the get-go, he is a priori NOT a good guy
This parrot is dead etc

MissLadyM · 28/10/2019 00:39

Fuck it! He would probably be quick enough to judge you! Men judge women all the time. You have the right to judge him if he was misleading you.

avamiah · 28/10/2019 00:42

Rhinoskinhavel,
Relax , it’s just a drink not every guy is Ted Bundy.

DioneTheDiabolist · 28/10/2019 00:43

I am shocked at the amount of posters who think a woman should spend her time with a man, when the only thing she knows for sure about him is that he's a liar.Halloween ShockHalloween ShockHalloween Shock

BadSun · 28/10/2019 00:48

But if your there anyway what’s the harm in having a drink with him?

What good can come of having a drink with him? It's never going to go anywhere cos you already know he's a liar.

Also by having a drink with him you're telling him it's ok to lie and encouraging him to keep doing it to other women.

Basically, fuck him. Don't want to waste my time on someone who can't even be honest about their own age/what they look like. I value myself more than that.

RhinoskinhaveI · 28/10/2019 00:53

If she has a drink with him he'll take that as a sign that he's in with a chance but the truth is she doesn't fancy him in the slightest because he's old enough to be her dad and he's completely unattractive to her
Surely that's reason to not give him the time of day?

avamiah · 28/10/2019 00:58

Well I would buy myself a drink and then approach him and ask him why he lied to me and show him the photo that he sent me and ask him if he does this on a regular basis to meet women and if he thinks it’s acceptable ??

RhinoskinhaveI · 28/10/2019 01:07

Now you're talking....

avamiah · 28/10/2019 01:49

Thanks

BitOfFun · 28/10/2019 01:53

Risky, avamiah- you have no idea how unpleasant the response might be, and you don't have the safety of being behind your computer screen.

user1481840227 · 28/10/2019 02:50

There is plenty of harm in just having a drink!!

If a guy ends up being 20 years older than he said he was then that's a massive lie, going for the drink anyway is condoning that lie and saying it's absolutely fine to do it and the 20 somethings will still go on dates with you anyway...so he might as well keep lying again to get more dates.

If they get away with blatant obvious lies without being called out on it, or stood up because of it then why would he bother being honest about anything?

user1481840227 · 28/10/2019 02:51

Women have enough potential dangers to be dealing with while dating without being expected to carry on with a date despite the other person blatantly deceiving them to get them there in the first place.

Candle1000 · 28/10/2019 03:33

Some of these responses are really sad and quite worrying, it just shows how little progress has been made regarding how women seem to value themselves when it comes to men.

iwunderwhy · 28/10/2019 04:55

Bloody funny the men here accusing you of being terrible and wishing you a pox when we ALL know if you'd turned up 100 pounds heavier OR 20 years older with white hair they'd have legged it and then bragged in the pub. What's with these blokes and their personal affront every time a woman says she walked anyway?!! Mr 28-going-on-48 is a nasty liar and its bloody marvellous OP you stuck to your boundaries from the get go!

iwunderwhy · 28/10/2019 05:02

@Fraggling... That was hilarious !! Inceldom too right Grin
Wink: wink Wink

Helmetbymidnight · 28/10/2019 05:13

I am shocked at the amount of posters who think a woman should spend her time with a man, when the only thing she knows for sure about him is that he's a liar

really depressing.

'but he might be a nice guy/that was so mean, op*

is such a silly/desperate attitude to have- i can only assume very inexperienced/hand-maiden types.

you did fine op.

Helmetbymidnight · 28/10/2019 05:16

You could have missed an absolute cracker of a bloke there in judging him by his appearance

Grin

dearie me.

iwunderwhy · 28/10/2019 06:14

Hell yes judge him by his appearance and leave his impolite 'cracker' lying arse out in the rain. It troubles me OP that you have an iota of guilt for doing the right thing. Politeness has got women married to men they loathe, its got women raped and politeness has got women murdered. No more!! Men are not entitled to anymore politeness then they give us. Right now, 2019 everyone got that??!!

Her0utdoors · 28/10/2019 06:17

I don't see a problem with what you did OP, totally with you there .
My most deceptive date was a 6'5" "Mediterranean ", who turned out to be a 5'6" (a few inches shorter then me. Apparently he'd got the imperial system confused)Palestinian who spent the very quick coffee we met for repeatedly asking me if I'd had previous sexual partners and what they were like.
I did OLD pre smart phones, so escaped all the grim dick pic-. ing, thank feck.

sofato5miles · 28/10/2019 06:40

God. What a lying prick. He thinks he is entitled to younger women but also thinks he must lie to get them. Utterly unattractive.

Hirsutefirs · 28/10/2019 07:08

Dating has to have something to do with finding someone attractive.

If it turns out to be someone you could never fancy, then there is no date.

Dillydallyalltheway · 28/10/2019 07:38

To be honest I would have done the same. If he had been dishonest about something obvious like his age, then how do you know if he’s being dishonest about more important things.

wishywashy6 · 28/10/2019 08:19

Unfortunately I think this is all too common with online dating! I know several people it's happened to, both male and female!
I was lucky in that my partner didn't look my type at all from his pictures and I didn't think I'd fancy him but he was really lovely to talk to so I agreed to go on a date with him.... feelings changed the instant I met him IRL and I fancied the pants off him! 😃
I met a few who'd definitely used old pictures although nothing quite as extreme as you describe! Better luck next time ☺️