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Original poster

Online date turned up looking nothing like his pictures

373 replies

Crystal1981 · 26/10/2019 13:55

So I had been talking to a 28 year-old guy for a week. He sounded lovely (honestly hadn't spoken to anyone that nice before) and he looked very cute on his pictures.

We arranged to go for a drink and he told me he would be outside a café in a blue coat and black jeans.

I got there early so hovered around. I saw an older grey haired man waiting outside but couldn't see him. He then texted again saying he was under an umbrella and I realised that older man WAS him.

Now I know people can use pictures that are a couple of years old and pictures can be filtered, men can add an inch or two.
But honestly not sure this was the same person.

If that guy was 28, i'm the prime minister.
He had virtually a full head of grey hair. There is nothing wrong with grey, but using only photos where you have brown hair is misleading.

He looked like a different person to his photos and much, much older.
I thought there was no point even going for a drink and getting his hopes up. I text saying I had an emergency and got straight on the bus home.

I know that was really not good what I did but neither is misleading someone.
What would others have done ? Anyone else had this experience ?

OP posts:
Pharlapwasthebest · 27/10/2019 21:50

@ton181
Sadly it is not a load of rubbish, we are conditioned to be polite.

BitOfFun · 27/10/2019 21:58

He was judged by his actions: lying.

Ethicalbluey45 · 27/10/2019 22:05

It happened to me once we chatted abit online picture was ok then the phone calls we clicked and he was a gentleman he insisted on dinner not just drinks and we met up in the car park it was darkish and when we got inside there he was 30 years older than me , I was very polite and I just treated him like one of my dad`s friends I even offered to pay for half the bill. He was a lovely man but not for me

IndieTara · 27/10/2019 22:05

@ton181 nope she also said he looked different

Summergarden · 27/10/2019 22:20

I think you did the right thing.

Age in particular is such a massive thing to deceive about. What could have occurred in those extra years that he hasn’t mentioned about... marriages and divorces, kids, spending time in prison?!

BadSun · 27/10/2019 22:22

So you stood him up because he had grey hair

Reading online forums it's always kind of amazing how much some people can so spectacularly misread things.

Doidoit19 · 27/10/2019 22:23

I'd have done the same. The age thing wouldnt have been such an issue but the lying absolutely would. I do think I I'd have messaged him afterwards to call him out on it though.
A friend of mine was once on a dating site many years ago. She messaged a guy who clearly stated his type was petite blonde women. She's 6ft 1, was a size 18 and had bright red hair at the time. She swapped her photos to old ones of her sat down, slimmer with blonde hair then proceeded to go to meet him with the intention of showing him that 'larger girls' could be fun. It didnt go down well but she made herself the victim by saying he didnt like her because of her weight. I dont go by looks when I meet someone but if someone told me they had a very specific type and i wasn't it i would just end the conversation and move on.

Jane1978xx · 27/10/2019 22:30

I think it’s fine what you did.

DreamTheMoors · 27/10/2019 22:43

It’s online dating. Zillions of people mislead with their photos, I guess because they’re very insecure about their most current appearance. They don’t stop to think that beauty is only skin deep.
If someone had done that to me, it’d be Strike One - lying straight off the bat. But I’d go the extra step of having those drinks and calling them out on it - and informing them it was Strike One & not a good start to a friendship.
I would, however, over those drinks, give them a chance to redeem themselves.
You did what you felt was right in the moment - don’t beat yourself up about it and don’t let people here shame you.
Now you know - be on the lookout for that. Put the dates down of your photos and ask your prospective suitors to do the same. Another trick is to ask about favorite songs, movies, etc, that might reveal someone’s age. And ask them the year they graduated secondary school. Make sure when you ask that you offer your favorite song or your year of graduation. To be honest, they’ll either lie or they won’t - it’s online dating.
There’s lots of little ways of getting someone to reveal themselves - just ask the right questions!
Good luck. 🌻

MaryBear · 27/10/2019 22:45

You absolutely did the right thing. OLD is all down to trust. Whilst you're still just at the chatting stage you have trust what they're telling you is correct. If they cant even be trusted to provide an accurate description of what they look like, they have already lured you in with a lie.
Trust is paramount, you are giving your private thoughts/views/details (in general chat) to a stranger with the possibility of meeting them.
I would have called him out on it though.

DreamTheMoors · 27/10/2019 22:48

@Cam77
I draw the line at someone lying to me.
One is either truthful or not - it’s easy to see.

exaltedwombat · 27/10/2019 22:57

You might as well have had a drink with him. What do YOU look like without your makeup? No, that ISN'T completely different!

Candle1000 · 27/10/2019 23:01

It’s not a case of what he looked like ! It’s a case of lying !

Fraggling · 27/10/2019 23:02

Yes saying they're way younger than they are

Is exactly the same as wearing makeup, a totally standard and indeed expected thing in our society

Gotta love a male centred turnaround.

A man putting a pic up of a different man, and pics from decades ago is the same as women wearing makeup. Uh huh.

Fraggling · 27/10/2019 23:05

Ey fy fo fum
I smell the blood of incelidom

😁

Cantrememberpassword · 27/10/2019 23:05

I knew a guy who chatted to woman for months but she refused to meet, it turned out that she was twenty years older than her profile age of 50. She was lonely and just wanted someone to chat to online.

Eloisedublin123 · 27/10/2019 23:14

That happened to me once. I stayed for a drink but it was a waste of time.

Wheat2Harvest · 28/10/2019 00:12

This happened to me too. I answered an ad in a satirical magazine (yes, that one) and arranged to meet outside a station the Oxford graduate who was taller and older than me, and who had the usual GSOH.

As I waited I noticed a very short, rotund gnome-like man walking up and down looking at people. Our eyes met and yes, this was my date. I wanted to run but felt as if I should have a drink with him as planned as he had travelled all the way from London.

That was the longest hour of my life.

RhinoskinhaveI · 28/10/2019 00:13

I wonder how the bloke in question would feel if he turned up to a date thinking the woman was the same age as him and he found out she was 15 or so years older than her profile picture!

RhinoskinhaveI · 28/10/2019 00:15

I think with this sort of thing you have to insist on a Skype meeting before you have a face to face meeting
Otherwise you could brush your hair and put on your mascara etc for nothing, who wants to waste their time doing that?

nedflandereses · 28/10/2019 00:17

I keep picturing Steve Martin

nedflandereses · 28/10/2019 00:20

You might as well have had a drink with him. What do YOU look like without your makeup?

I imagine she still looks 28.

Op didn't you know because you wear make up you have to date old men?

avamiah · 28/10/2019 00:24

Rhinoskinhavel,
I have just laughed out loud hahaha, your post made me laugh and I needed a laugh.
Yes it’s a waste of make up I totally agree .
I’ve done that a few times .

avamiah · 28/10/2019 00:28

But on a serious note, I personally would of met him and had a drink with him as you are there anyway so what’s a couple of drinks and a chat ?
That’s me anyway.

RhinoskinhaveI · 28/10/2019 00:31

Waste of makeup, waste of toothpaste, going to all that bother thinking about what clothes to wear, washing yourself making space in the day, all that for a pig in pants🙄