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Original poster

Online date turned up looking nothing like his pictures

373 replies

Crystal1981 · 26/10/2019 13:55

So I had been talking to a 28 year-old guy for a week. He sounded lovely (honestly hadn't spoken to anyone that nice before) and he looked very cute on his pictures.

We arranged to go for a drink and he told me he would be outside a café in a blue coat and black jeans.

I got there early so hovered around. I saw an older grey haired man waiting outside but couldn't see him. He then texted again saying he was under an umbrella and I realised that older man WAS him.

Now I know people can use pictures that are a couple of years old and pictures can be filtered, men can add an inch or two.
But honestly not sure this was the same person.

If that guy was 28, i'm the prime minister.
He had virtually a full head of grey hair. There is nothing wrong with grey, but using only photos where you have brown hair is misleading.

He looked like a different person to his photos and much, much older.
I thought there was no point even going for a drink and getting his hopes up. I text saying I had an emergency and got straight on the bus home.

I know that was really not good what I did but neither is misleading someone.
What would others have done ? Anyone else had this experience ?

OP posts:
Cam77 · 27/10/2019 20:10

It’s a question though, isn’t it. What level of aesthetic deception is permissible? I guess in the U.K. people typically add 1 or 2 “points” to their profile pics, eg a 5/10 becomes a 6 or 7. In China, where I used to live, many people photoshop on social media (and I’m sure in dating apps) to the extent that often adds 3 or 4 points! Is giving a misleading impression of age acceptable? What about weight? What about height or facial beauty/attractiveness? Where do you draw the line?

Butchyrestingface · 27/10/2019 20:11

Sha assumed he was older due to his grey hair, but didn't ask or follow it up properly.

She clarified it wasn't just his hair. It was his FACE and the electrified wheelchair.

StanleySteamer · 27/10/2019 20:19

Got half-way through this thread but all posts were looking samey so have just cut to the end, but has anyone suggested OP ought maybe to have taken a pic of her date on her phone then messaged him with it, saying "I could only see this old fucker who can't have been you so where the hell were you?"

manteray · 27/10/2019 20:20

I read somewhere Storm its good to just have "just OK" pictures of yourself on the website, so you actually probably look better in real life!

But the ridiculous deceptions I've come across.

Also, why do people put pictures up of themselves as a child?! Never understood that one Hmm.

manteray · 27/10/2019 20:21

defo Stanely. I'm generally a nice person who gives people the benefit of the doubt, but its tempting when people are taking the P*

Chillywilly93 · 27/10/2019 20:21

I would have done exactly the same as you. I don't think there is anything shallow about it, if anything the fact that they're lying to you/being dishonest from the start is a massive warning sign. It's also a sign of real insecurity which is a shame for them but also a bullet dodged for you.

StanleySteamer · 27/10/2019 20:25

Mind you, she did say he had a headful of grey hair. wish I had a headful of hair of any colour!
Time is such a bastard, you do not realise how lucky you are until you lose it. Late teens head full of thick auburn hair, first grey hair was pulled out of my head by a girlfriend as I was driving us along at the age of 23. Quick as lightning it either fell out or went grey. Once knew an absolutely beautiful woman who had gone completely grey in her mid twenties. So much easier to dye your hair nowadays, but a moustache gives it all away!

timshelthechoice · 27/10/2019 20:26

So he lied, trying, what a catch, a liar!

sarahjb76 · 27/10/2019 20:30

I would of done the same. Don't understand why people put up old photos of themselves. Do they not realise that when they meet someone who they have been chatting with online that the person will realise they are older/different to there online pic!! 😕

timshelthechoice · 27/10/2019 20:31

Exactly, texas, who the hell owes their time to a liar? Damn, at least back in the day, when you met them in a bar, they couldn't tell you they were 28 when they weren't a day under 48.

emilybrontescorsett · 27/10/2019 20:33

You draw the line by posting recent photos, especially if you have changed sonewhat.
Showing a picture of yourself with brown/black hair when in fact you are completely grey is misleading at best. A total liar at worst. The op also said the guy was years older than he was in his photo.
That is totally off.
If I posted a photo of myself from 20 years ago, I would be 3 stone lighter and with skin as smooth as ice.

DarklyDreamingDexter · 27/10/2019 20:43

You were absolutely right to ditch him, as he misrepresented himself massively and used grossly misleading photos to catfish you. I just think you should have called him out on it though, rather than making an excuse.

simone1863 · 27/10/2019 20:44

Many, many blokes tell me it's par for the course to meet women that are much bigger than their pictures in the flesh. One now refuses to meet any that only has selfie headshots as it's a pretty good indicator that they are misleading.

ShadowOnTheSun · 27/10/2019 20:45

Had similar experience twice.

First guy was supposed to be 25 (I was 20 then), normal looking (nice face, slim). And here he was, a bald fat dude wearing a tracksuit and at least 40.

Second one turned up to be 5 stone heavier than pics.

I don't date guys as old as my dad, I don't date tracksuit-ers and I don't date fat men. I don't care if that makes me shallow. Both times I left without any explanation as I didn't owe them anything.

Never understood this lying thing. Flattering pics - sure. But what's the point in lying about your age/weight/height/hair

TrishTeres · 27/10/2019 20:59

Same happened to me years ago. I walked down the road with him then thought better of it. I told him he looked nothing like the person I has been expecting to meet and I would say goodbye right then. He was incredulous and protested had come a long way to meet me and wouldnt i just have a dronk etc. but honesty really is a first principle in finding a good husband. Glad I was honest with him too. In the end Internet dating did work for me.

ferrier · 27/10/2019 21:02

Age doesn't matter. Lying does.

Cherrygirl3 · 27/10/2019 21:23

This is common. I went to meet a slim looking, smart, tall, handsome guy. When I got there all I could see was an overweight, scruffy, hairy short guy.......he spotted me so I felt obliged to go ahead with the date...he didn't offer to pay for anything, not even a coffee. Awkward! Complete waste of my time. You absolutely did the right thing op.

browneyes77 · 27/10/2019 21:24

Back when I was in the dating world I had a similar thing happen to me.

Pictures showed him as relatively buff, like he worked out and in his profile he said he was 5ft 11. I’m 5ft 7 without heels and 5ft 10 in heels, so I like a tall guy. When I got there and met him it was clear he hadn’t ‘worked out’ for quite some time - ok not a major issue, but he was way shorter than me in my heels. He was probably around 5ft 8 at best.

I wasn’t happy about the fact he’d told some little porkies, but I figured as I’d already committed to the date the polite thing to do was to see it through. He was actually a lovely guy but just not for me. I also made sure I paid for drinks, so we went halves on everything, because I knew I wasn’t going to second date him.

I waited until I got home and sent him a message thanking him for a nice evening and was honest and said I didn’t really feel a spark, but wished him all the best.

I’ve always hated being ghosted etc, so when I was dating I always ensured I never did it to anybody else. Even though I felt like doing a U-turn and leaving when I saw him, I just couldn’t do it as it didn’t sit right with my own principles and I felt I at least should meet the guy seeing as how he’d made the effort to come and meet me.

Him fibbing about his age isn’t on. It doesn’t set a good precedent or first impression, because if he’s lied about that what else has he lied about? I mean he must’ve realised you’d suss that out he was much older than he said he was. Although I think it was a bit mean of you to do a runner, however at least you messaged him to tell him rather than just leave him standing there.

browneyes77 · 27/10/2019 21:27

Never understood this lying thing. Flattering pics - sure. But what's the point in lying about your age/weight/height/hair

I’ve never got this either. I mean the person is going to see you’ve fed them a load of crap as soon as they see you, so what’s the point? Nobody wants to date a liar.

Isitnearlyweekend · 27/10/2019 21:37

You could have missed an absolute cracker of a bloke there in judging him by his appearance.

crappyday2018 · 27/10/2019 21:39

I can't believe anyone thinks you were out of order. He deceived you and duped you into meeting him under false pretenses. You can appreciate some slight deviations from photos but not years of age for god sakes.
The last guy I dated turned up and was about 3 stone heavier than his photos which were clearly from a good few years before. To be fair I saw past this but in hindsight, this was a sign that he had other issues about his image!

DioneTheDiabolist · 27/10/2019 21:40

He's not an absolute cracker of a bloke, he's a liar.Halloween Hmm

SelkieSaAbhaileAnois · 27/10/2019 21:45

A cracker of a bloke !! 🤣😂

penguingorl · 27/10/2019 21:46

She didn't judge him by his appearance Hmm It was the fact that he told her at least one blatant, misleading, massive lie before they'd even met.

MyNewBearTotoro · 27/10/2019 21:50

I don’t think there was anything wrong with what you did. But I think I would tell him why you cancelled so that he knows and can think about changing his pictures to represent who he is.