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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Not ‘allowed’ out

160 replies

allymcbeal1 · 21/10/2019 15:23

My live in partner has lots of issues with me going out (perhaps 1-2 times) a month with other mums from my dd’s class for a meal or to go to cinema. He says it isn’t right to go out after 8 without him. I work full time and raise my child (from ex husband) and this hassle is wearing me down. Any advice?

OP posts:
Breathlessness · 21/10/2019 15:23

Dump him.

Apolloanddaphne · 21/10/2019 15:24

He is an arse and controlling. My advice is to dump him and run.

TheFaerieQueene · 21/10/2019 15:24

I would make him a live out exP.

peachescariad · 21/10/2019 15:25

Dump him and go out more

Apolloanddaphne · 21/10/2019 15:25

Can he explain why it isn't 'right'? What does he do if you tell him to sod off and you just go?

HappyHammy · 21/10/2019 15:25

Can you leave it get him to go. That's no life. Does he go OUT.

Windydaysuponus · 21/10/2019 15:28

Are you some sort of Gremlin that strange things happen to at 8.01 pm?
Ffs get rid op.
You do know he is a controlling twat right?

wildcherries · 21/10/2019 15:29

I'd 100 procent leave. It is ridiculous and likely to escalate.

Mintjulia · 21/10/2019 15:31

Controlling and weird. Make it clear you will be going out regularly to maintain contact with your friends.

If he has a problem with that, ask him to leave. It’s supposed to be a relationship not a prison.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 21/10/2019 15:31

Urgh. What a twat. What are you supposed to do instead? Stay in and buff his toenails?

Just ignore him and go out and have fun. He doesn't get to tell you what you are and aren't 'allowed' to do.

sugarbum · 21/10/2019 15:32

dump him. What he says is a load of bollocks
Get rid now.

Original poster
allymcbeal1 · 21/10/2019 15:33

In the end he says ‘just go’ or ‘see you tomorrow’ but often don’t go as drained. Agree with all your comments - need to ask him to leave. It’s no life - life is hard enough without any breaks.

OP posts:
cometothinkofit · 21/10/2019 15:35

Dumpsville. Nobody needs a twat in their life, time to get rid of yours!

AndAnotherNameChanger · 21/10/2019 15:38

When you're going out does he look after your child or is your child with their father/elsewhere?

Is it just that he has a problem with you going out without him or is there some complicating factor like he doesn't like being expected to look after your child or you don't get many child-free evenings and those you do get you often spend with friends rather than having time with just your partner?

Original poster
allymcbeal1 · 21/10/2019 15:42

When go out sister usually puts dc to bed as partner works to 10.

OP posts:
msmith501 · 21/10/2019 15:45

Out of interest, what is the background in his life that has led to the?

AndAnotherNameChanger · 21/10/2019 15:46

So he's not even available to spend time with/ go out with you anyway?!

He sounds deeply sexist and worryingly controlling.

PlasticPatty · 21/10/2019 15:47

And you are still with him?
Don't bother explaining why, just put an end to it.

Shoxfordian · 21/10/2019 15:49

He's a controlling knob
Dump him

Wolfiefan · 21/10/2019 15:50

Yep. Controlling knobhead. Needs to be an ex ASAP.

Original poster
allymcbeal1 · 21/10/2019 15:54

You are all right literally go out once a month or so usually for birthday meals as many mums in my circle turning 50. Also has problems if talk to some other mums who I know don’t like him. Issues with any outings at work for ex Christmas meal - the list goes on....

OP posts:
Inappropriatefemale · 21/10/2019 15:56

Tell your DP to get back to the 1930s.

It’s controlling, is he controlling in other aspects of your relationship? If so then it doesn’t get better, only worse.

Loaf90 · 21/10/2019 15:58

Tell him he has one chance. Any more of this and you're leaving him

foxatthewindow · 21/10/2019 15:58

My DH has tendencies towards this. I’m not sure why but I think it’s cultural. He’s not actually a misogynist but he has grown up in a culture where women don’t have any independence. I have managed to get him to relax a lot over the years but it’s been hard work. People will say why did I allow this, but in honesty I didn’t realise it was an issue until after we had children because it wasn’t before. I’m not sure I’d bother in your position to be honest. You’re possibly better off without someone who wants to control your every move

BlingLoving · 21/10/2019 15:58

Besides dumping him, I have no advice. I don't understand this attitude. And it's deeply worrying that he's not even trying to cover up his controlling nature by insisting you stay home so that you can be together or whatever as he isn't even there.

It's controlling and sexist and you really don' need this in your life.