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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Not ‘allowed’ out

160 replies

allymcbeal1 · 21/10/2019 15:23

My live in partner has lots of issues with me going out (perhaps 1-2 times) a month with other mums from my dd’s class for a meal or to go to cinema. He says it isn’t right to go out after 8 without him. I work full time and raise my child (from ex husband) and this hassle is wearing me down. Any advice?

OP posts:
Startingoveragain1 · 21/10/2019 19:01

Surely he can afford a bedroom in a shared house? So many single professionals cant afford a whole house of flat just for themselves (at least here in London) and live in shared accomodation well into adulthood (or until they meet someone romantically and can move in together) he is not your responsibility more so if he is being a controlling twat.

SunshineCake · 21/10/2019 19:03

The other mums probably don't like him because they have the measure of him.

Interestedwoman · 22/10/2019 01:18

LTB xxx

Blondebakingmumma · 22/10/2019 02:49

There are controlling bastards in other countries too. Good move to dump him

Coyoacan · 22/10/2019 03:49

Definitely dump him. Even if this weren't abusive behaviour designed to isolate you from your social network, it would still be unacceptable. And, not that it makes any difference, but I'm curious, does he go out without you?

Cantrememberpassword · 22/10/2019 04:24

Just dump him, controlling behaviour is not on.

NameChangeNugget · 22/10/2019 08:40

I think anyone like this, Male or female is normally judging people by their own standards and likely to be cheats.

Dump, dump, dump 🚩

aweedropofsancerre · 22/10/2019 08:47

Did you meet him abroad? I am interested to understand what he did before moving into your home with your DC that your worried about where he will go? I hope you ask him to leave and allow your DC to get rid of this person out of your life. When your bring someone into your home when you have a DC it should be positive for everyone

hellsbellsmelons · 22/10/2019 08:54

Also has problems if talk to some other mums who I know don’t like him
What a surprise!!???
I'm glad you are dumping.
Do it soon.
He can go home and you can be FREEEEEEE!!!!
And then do the Freedom Programme run by Womens Aid.
You should never ever have put up with any of this crap.
But you did. For too long.
Boundaries!!!!

QuietWalk · 22/10/2019 08:58

Ugh, bye bye, wanker.

Original poster
allymcbeal1 · 22/10/2019 09:43

We met here he went home then came back here to be with me. Does t earn much though works hard so couldn’t afford to live here on his own. He is going home next week.

OP posts:
Zaphodsotherhead · 22/10/2019 10:13

If your mum, sister and friends also think he's bad news then I think it goes deeper than just 'not going out after eight alone'.

They can all see it in a way you can't. He thinks he has his feet under the table. Take the table (and the house) away.

Fromablokespoint · 22/10/2019 15:31

As long as the washing up is done, my dinner is on the table, the house is clean then you should be allowed out for a few hours..........

I could not survive for one moment in an oppressive, controlling relationship. It won't get better, time to get rid.

MrGsFancyNewVagina · 22/10/2019 15:53

Op, please make sure you have every bit of jewellery, money and anything of value locked away between now and next week. This horrible bullying man is liable to feel that you ‘owe him’ and help himself, before he goes.

Jane1978xx · 22/10/2019 15:56

He won’t change , I have friends who have been married 10-15 years and are not allowed out. Also not allowed to speak to men at all - delivery guys , colleagues etc. Cut your losses and get rid ASAP x

Ugzbugz · 22/10/2019 16:16

Dump him so your child doesn't grow up thinking this is normal x

Jane1978xx · 22/10/2019 16:46

The only semi-valid reasons a partner could have issues with you going out are : causing them to miss work, you have a drug or alcohol problem, your kids are being neglected

FabbyChix · 22/10/2019 16:50

Red flags. That’s abuse

Original poster
allymcbeal1 · 22/10/2019 18:17

You are all right - was out today with a mum and 4 kids between us and he thinks I was seeing a man! So can’t even go to the park and pizza during the day now! I know I have made the right decision - this is sucking to joy out of life.

OP posts:
Jane1978xx · 22/10/2019 18:51

You totally have x

xJodiex · 23/10/2019 00:42

As @mrgsfancynewvagina said;

Lock away your valuables in case he tries to steal from you!

And once he's gone, don't let him back and.. ENJOY YOUR LIFE! Grin

Inappropriatefemale · 23/10/2019 02:39

He sounds like my daughters father who accused me of shagging every man I came into contact with and he even accused me of having an affair with my stepfather!

Personally I think people that constantly accuse their partners of cheating are the real ones that are cheating, they get paranoid because they know that they’re doing something you don’t know and then they start getting paranoid and thinking that their partner is doing the same, I’m with everyone else on here, get rid of the fucker and fast!

PrettyPurse · 23/10/2019 04:11

@allymcbeal1 l really hope you go through with splitting up with him as it will only get worse.

PurpleLady11x · 23/10/2019 04:21

How bizarre. Dump him!!

Oliversmumsarmy · 23/10/2019 04:25

Definitely dump and don’t let him back

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