Need to leave my boyfriend - how?

[MiamiBeach104]

I've been struggling with this for a year now. Actively thinking last few months..

I'm with my partner for nearly 5 years. No kids, mortgage and I am financially independent from him. There are a number of very strong reasons why I should leave him: unfaithful with prostitutes, drinking too much, can be emotionally abusive, not wanting kids. Even all that sounds pretty horrible he can be very nice and loving when things are good.

Where I find myself now is that I really need to end this relationship. However, I don't know how. I tried having a conversation with him a week ago now. He started being very emotional and I ended up promising we can work on this. I don't know if he simply emotionally bullies me into things. (He's currently not employed, by his own choice wanting to concentrate on his mental health, so having me contributing to bills is very much convenient)

I'm partially thinking I need to wait till after Christmas so he doesn't need to spend Christmas on his own. (He's distanced himself from his family but has few friends, not many.)

The bottom line is, I don't need to wait for Christmas as it just prolongs the inevitable. However, how do I make it happen? I don't want to chicken out and get into giving yet it yet another go again? How do I stop myself from feeling guilty about it?

I'm thinking during the next week start doing little preparation by collecting my crucial documents, preparing a bag (not packing up yet but putting things together) so that it can get me though the working week and spend this time at friend's place. And simply start from there.

Has anyone been in similar situation? How to get rid of the guilt? (I think pretty much all the time in a relationship i concentrated on how he feels compared to me so partially that's where the guilt is coming from) How to ensure I actually do it? And not give in to his emotional abuse that I'm pretty sure will start immediately?

Brilliant news.. fuck him keeping your stuff AND taking the keys.. that's so controlling.

Don't look back Lady. [flowers

Well done. Yes, you may have regrets but you need to remember the reasons you had to leave - you have done he right thing.
Wishing you good luck

You may be able to get the police to accompany you to collect your belongings?

Certainly ask when you come and collect them next weekend and ensure you take a friend with you. If he continually refuses or isn't there then ask the police if the accompany you to collect?

Fantastic. Well done. I'm so pleased for you. New beginnings.

Thank you all.. much appreciated.

So he's started texting me abusive messages now. Saying to delete all house alarm apps (incl.cctv ) and also saying he'll report car as stolen even ur's under my name. Car is under my name and i've stolen my own car to drive away from abusive boyfriend. Well good luck with that.

I am just going to ignore him for tonight and text tomorrow morning. Not sure what though

Good point about police accompanying me. Not entirely sure how it works but I guess it is possible. Might be worth giving a go

Perhaps don't respond at all in the morning? You don't have to.

You can also block his texts.

I wouldn’t even bother texting him. You don’t owe him nothing, he’s provoking a reaction from you.

Silence speaks volumes

Very well done op. Please block him you dont owe him any explanations

Well done! You're a lot stronger than you have even realised. Block him on everything and have someone come with you to collect your stuff. Properly best to be a brother or father or male friend if you have any of them available? Good luck in your fresh start☺️

Well done OP, remember this when he starts crawling for you to go back

Just go OP. Not a good lover, just a taker. Pack your bags and move on. Also fuck his fucking Christmas - did he care about you and your Christmas with the bad shit he has done.

I wouldn’t delete the cctv app. Sounds like it might be useful until you’ve got your things.

I tried logging back in this morning and he blocked my access already so just deleted it altogether.

Had bit too much wine yesterday so proper hangover today. I think by the end of next week I'll start thinking what to do next

Just to spur you on, I left my husband with whom I had kids and the house was mortgaged in my name only...you can do it, you deserve so much better and you have no ties

Dont text anything.
Wait and decide what you want eg your things.
You could just go with some friends to pick stuff up.
Change your address for dvla to your friend s address for now?

Block him. He'll want a response so he can reel you back in.

I'm concerned about his mental health though. He's not getting in touch with me and I've sent him an email this morning that he has not responded to yet.

Op, he's not your responsibility. And you've broken up - no contact is a good thing. If you are concerned about him, let his friends/family know he may need checking on. But this is the way you'll get drawn back. You have to lose the saviour complex.

unfaithful with prostitutes, drinking too much, can be emotionally abusive

He's currently not employed, by his own choice wanting to concentrate on his mental health, so having me contributing to bills is very much convenient

So he's started texting me abusive messages now

he'll report my car as stolen even ur's under my name Car is under my name and i've stolen my own car to drive away from abusive boyfriend.

and YOU'RE worried about HIS mental health

I suspect He knows you are going to go back OP.

Do some reading on co-dependence, op.

YES well done OP!!!!!!

Don't worry about his mental health. This sort of man uses mental health and suicide threats to control and force people to stay.
Please just ignore him now. You don't owe him anything.

He’s not your responsibility and why are you chasing him with messages and getting concerned he hasn’t replied?

I expect it’s a game to him, he’s giving you the silent treatment and reeling you back in, and you’re falling for it. Do you not see the pattern repeating itself?