How do you even begin to like/trust men

[EternallyUntrusting]

I'm 36 years old. I can hand on my heart say I don't like men. There are some men I have respect for at work (they are good at their jobs), but I don't like men.

If you knew me in real life you would think the absolute opposite. I dress 'for the male gaze', I outgoing, chatty, flirty, very confident. But to a man, I cannot stand the fuckers.

Every significant man since I was a child has turned out to be an utter cunt. My father beat and abused my mother and us. My first husband (lovely man to all and sundry), cheated on me and left me with 3 small children. I was single for a long time then. Lots of therapy, very angry with men and therapy seemed to consist of 'they aren't all the same, you are seeking out these men, good men exist'. My male therapist then fucking messaged me when he was drunk!

I then met a lovely man. Kind, successful, no drug problem, no criminal record. Promised me the absolute earth, my DC fell in love with him, when our DD was 9 mths old he walked out the door and I haven't seen him since (4 years ago).

Since then i've pretty much gone off my rocker. I am aware of how i am acting. I've actively sought out men to prove my theory that given long enough, given enough opportunity and the promise of it never getting out every single one of those fuckers will cheat on their wives/girlfriends or at least cross a line they shouldn't be crossing.

And I hate them for it. Even today, stood at the train station sheltering from the rain, a man about 20 years older than me starts a conversation about the brexit vote. Perfectly pleasant 10 min conversation. Then asks me for a drink. You sure your wife won't mind? He was wearing a fucking wedding ring!!

The same on here thread after thread after thread of 'lovely family men' cheating, using women for wife work, hiding from putting their kids to bed and just nasty useless cocklodgers.

Am I going to hate men for the rest of my life? Even now I've tried to stop proving to myself what wankers they are they seem to go out of their way to prove it to me!

I’m such a shit daughter to my mother for talking to my father? How on earth could they co-parent me when I was a child if they didn’t speak?!

Thought experient: if more women did as you do, not having relationships and now I imagine curtailing even casual sex, what would the impact on society be?

Interesting scenario. If all single women simply stopped having sex with men, how would that pan out?

It would be like the old days where men had to respect women to get sex (although not all did respect women obviously). But it would help.

Thought experient: if more women did as you do, not having relationships and now I imagine curtailing even casual sex, what would the impact on society be?

Why are we curtailing casual sex?

75Renarde

You are so wrong for what you're saying to Inappropriatefemale

In all of this she is the victim. Her parents had choices, she had none.

Of course the mother deserves sympathy but it's not the job of the child to provide that.

Children are not responsible for their parents.

If you accept the premise of this thread (don’t trust men) - why would you be in the business of telling them if you weren’t monogamous? Surely you would say nothing.

The only really decent man I know out there is my dad.
I'm with you OP.
I shall remain happily single with my puppy for company.
I've been let down and screwed over way too many times.
And I didn't have the upbringing you did.
I just honestly don't think there are many good men out there.
And if there are then they are taken.
So why bother?
So I don't.
I tried for a while.
Had 2 short term relationships.
I ended both of them.
I tried OLD for a while.
Had loads of dates but just nothing to float my boat.
So I've now given up and I'm far happier having done so.
I have hobbies. Family to look after. Wonderful friends and a fabulous daughter.
I have plenty to fill my time.

I think you need to look at other women, after all who are all this men cheating with ?
We women need to have a rule about dating married or attached men,
Women are just as bad, an ex friend of mine, started an affair with a rich businessman, either rang his wife to tell her about the affair when he wouldn’t, she kicked him out, they ( he ) bought them a lovely house, surprise surprise she has now kicked him out and moved in a much younger and handsome man

Oh, this thread is really resonating with me.

I have very little trauma to speak of, all of my relationships have been with 'good ones', but even so I've worn myself out pandering to the fragile male ego and catering to the extreme emotional neediness so many men seem to exhibit.

I'm almost 40 now and have observed too many good women brought low by deceit and abuse. My volunteering work exposes me both to some extremely sexually transgressive men and their victims, women whose lives have been ruined by rape and incest.

I think there are worthy men out there, but they are very few and far between. Most of them will be in faithful, committed marriages. A rational assessment of the situation tells me it's not worth orientating oneself towards a relationship with a man. Much better to spend time on more rewarding ventures, such as friends, children, education, or whatever else fills you.

Do any of you believe that there are less good men out there than good women?

What makes these men the way they are with regards to being paedophiles, rapists, wife beaters, cheaters? A lot of their issues are to with not being faithful, is it that hard having a penis, why does having a penis make you so weak?

It would be interesting to hear your thoughts ladies, and if there’s any men on board then please do jump in and give us ladies some insight?

I know that logically there must be good men out there but like a PP said then they’re most likely already committed.

Sorry meant to say a lot of men’s issues are sexual rather than cheating.

Why are there far more male sexual abusers than female? The nurse at my doctors thinks that too many men are obsessed with their own penis!

This is why I remain single. IMO, there are very few men out there that are at least 9/10 on loyalty, kindness and respect.

The posters are on here, for the most part, who post about their wonderful DHs, are deluded, naive or both.

As a single women, and in a vulnerable position for several reasons, I am fully aware of the levels men can and will descend to to get a cheap thrill or to avoid commitment.

I hate when men see a woman as a ‘challenge’ because she doesn’t like them, sometimes you just don’t like them and it’s nothing to do with being hard to get!

Yes penis obsession! why do men send dick pics? Women say it's about forcing the woman to look at his penis (like old style flashers) it's about power.

Penises are ugly though even if you are straight!

IMO, there are very few men out there that are at least 9/10 on loyalty, kindness and respect.

How many women do you think score 9/10 on those?

Penises are ugly though even if you are straight!

Disagree: they're beautiful. I've literally been in tears before thinking how much I'm going to miss cocks in my self-imposed spinsterhood. 😭

Are there any trans women about (post op) who could chip in here? Sorry, is that an awful thing to say (I get so caught up in what's allowed and what isn't etc etc), but it might be good to hear from someone who's had a foot in both camps, as it were?

I guess was lucky to grow up around trustworthy men. Also I wasn't interested in relationships until I was in my 20s, never attracted much attention from guys and worked in a female dominated industry. So I didn't have as many negative experiences with them as many women have, and nowhere near as many as yours OP. So it was never a case of learning to trust men. I realise I have been pretty lucky like that.

I think transwomen understand what it's like to be transwomen. Being a natal woman is something else entirely.

Something a bit weird and contrived about this thread....

Something a bit weird and contrived about this thread....

Most definitely.

So I didn't have as many negative experiences with them as many women have, and nowhere near as many as yours OP. So it was never a case of learning to trust men

I have only know good men in close relationships. That just makes the gulf between the few decent men and most men more obvious!

I don’t think it’s relevant, really.

I think it’s just that as women get older, the limitations of men as Prince Charming are very obvious.

Men grow up differently to women. They are driven to want sex before they get relationships. Their priorities are mostly in that order.

Women put the premium on the relationship. That’s a good move if you want protection, support, have kids. If you ask women who have been seriously abused by men they are often still looking for this kind of protective male. They will overlook all kinds of bad behaviour in pursuit of it. Predatory men know this, and use it.