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Original poster

How do you even begin to like/trust men

268 replies

EternallyUntrusting · 19/10/2019 20:53

I'm 36 years old. I can hand on my heart say I don't like men. There are some men I have respect for at work (they are good at their jobs), but I don't like men.

If you knew me in real life you would think the absolute opposite. I dress 'for the male gaze', I outgoing, chatty, flirty, very confident. But to a man, I cannot stand the fuckers.

Every significant man since I was a child has turned out to be an utter cunt. My father beat and abused my mother and us. My first husband (lovely man to all and sundry), cheated on me and left me with 3 small children. I was single for a long time then. Lots of therapy, very angry with men and therapy seemed to consist of 'they aren't all the same, you are seeking out these men, good men exist'. My male therapist then fucking messaged me when he was drunk!

I then met a lovely man. Kind, successful, no drug problem, no criminal record. Promised me the absolute earth, my DC fell in love with him, when our DD was 9 mths old he walked out the door and I haven't seen him since (4 years ago).

Since then i've pretty much gone off my rocker. I am aware of how i am acting. I've actively sought out men to prove my theory that given long enough, given enough opportunity and the promise of it never getting out every single one of those fuckers will cheat on their wives/girlfriends or at least cross a line they shouldn't be crossing.

And I hate them for it. Even today, stood at the train station sheltering from the rain, a man about 20 years older than me starts a conversation about the brexit vote. Perfectly pleasant 10 min conversation. Then asks me for a drink. You sure your wife won't mind? He was wearing a fucking wedding ring!!

The same on here thread after thread after thread of 'lovely family men' cheating, using women for wife work, hiding from putting their kids to bed and just nasty useless cocklodgers.

Am I going to hate men for the rest of my life? Even now I've tried to stop proving to myself what wankers they are they seem to go out of their way to prove it to me!

OP posts:
Inappropriatefemale · 21/10/2019 15:16

LexMitior I agree 100% with you about mother’s being indulgent towards their sons and being less pleasant to their daughters, it’s certainly true of my mother with my brothers, I also think my mother is jealous of me in lots of ways and I have spoken to other women that feel the same about their mothers, but that’s a whole other thread.

Inappropriatefemale · 21/10/2019 15:19

Relationships aren’t compulsory no but if I meet a man that I like and he wants a relationship with me then my heart is going to rule my head in that respect, life is too short to be careful all of the time, being hurt is part of life and I wouldn’t want to look back at my life and regret not getting into a relationship because I was scared of being hurt, after all as they say ‘it’s better to have loved and lost rather than to never have loved’, or something to that effect.

june2007 · 21/10/2019 23:18

Having listened to a gay colleague talking about her relationship with a women and seeing the negative effect it has had on her, just proves one thing. (That this thread has also proved. ) Women can be equally as bad.

Youcanstay · 22/10/2019 00:09

Saying women are equally bad as men is just such a lazy cop out.

Tinkerbell456 · 22/10/2019 00:18

This is a sad thread to me. My best relationships in life are with men. My Dad, my husband are wonderful men. My brother also is a good man but unfortunately a pompous git. He does love his wife and kids very much. I also understand that many women have had only traumatic relationships with men. This would make you hate men obviously. But it does not mean that it’s okay to tar all men with the same brush.

LemonPrism · 22/10/2019 00:39

I guess you have to have met the decent ones

Inappropriatefemale · 22/10/2019 00:40

Women can be as bad as men and of course there are bad women out there, but I think there’s more bad men out there, according to science then it’s a man’s genes to want to spread his seed, ie have sex with as many women as he possibly can.

Women aren’t programmed like this.

Inappropriatefemale · 22/10/2019 00:41

I think if you haven’t met a good man then obviously your going to tar them all with the same brush, it cannot he helped.

user1479305498 · 22/10/2019 02:04

I think one thing women get wrong is placing too much emphasis on the relationship in some cases and not enough on other aspects of life, friends, careers, etc. I know I’ve been very guilty of this at various points .

JacquesHammer · 22/10/2019 07:58

Women can be equally as bad

MRA bingo! What do I win?

It is absolutely impossible to have any sort of discussion about the shortcomings of men without people bringing all sorts of whataboutery.

My Dad, my husband are wonderful men

My dad and my ex are wonderful men, not least because they acknowledge the issues with toxic masculinity and the problems women face due to men as a class.

TequilaPilates · 22/10/2019 08:39

Oh come on Jacques if anyone started a thread here saying all of this about women you would expect people to jump on saying not all women or men can be as bad.

It's ridiculous anyway for people on hereto be saying all men...and of course some posters will say namalt because it's true.

JacquesHammer · 22/10/2019 08:50

It's ridiculous anyway for people on hereto be saying all men...and of course some posters will say namalt because it's true

It’s pathetic though.

As I said I know MEN who are very vociferous about the problems men cause. If they can handle the situation without getting triggered and wanking on with “NAMALT waaaah waaaah waaaah” then other people should manage.

NAMALT is the lazy response of the hard of thinking

SlightlyMisplacedSingleDad · 22/10/2019 08:57

NAMALT is the lazy response of the hard of thinking

Whereas "some men do bad things, and society is unequal, so I hate all men" is the height of sophisticated intellectual reasoning 😂

JacquesHammer · 22/10/2019 08:59

Whereas "some men do bad things, and society is unequal, so I hate all men" is the height of sophisticated intellectual reasoning

Men as a class are a massive problem. Do you understand what is meant by class?

SlightlyMisplacedSingleDad · 22/10/2019 09:03

Yes. Do you understand that people who share a characteristic are not defined by that characteristic? And that the leap from "there is a problem with this class" to "I hate every member of that class", which is literally what some on here are saying, is intellectually a bit of a stretch?

(You see, we can all be patronising)

JacquesHammer · 22/10/2019 09:28

You see, we can all be patronising

Thank you for taking the bait beautifully, you have, absolutely, proved my point about men as a class.

Grin
SlightlyMisplacedSingleDad · 22/10/2019 09:48

That if you patronise and belittle us, we'll point it out? Yes. And I hope women would do the same.

Youcanstay · 22/10/2019 17:52

Oh,OP, I am with you on this one.
(And so many other women it seems)

Inappropriatefemale · 23/10/2019 02:35

What does NAMALT mean please?

Inappropriatefemale · 23/10/2019 02:35

Ahh ‘Not All Men Are Like This’?

BadSun · 23/10/2019 03:35

Of my father, brothers and close friends on both mine and DH's side (which is about 20 couples in total I guess) I only know one couple that have divorced. The rest are all happily married still.

If you keep on ending up with men who seemed perfect but actually we're arseholes, then you're probably just a bad judge of character tbh.

BadSun · 23/10/2019 03:40

It is absolutely impossible to have any sort of discussion about the shortcomings of men

I don't think that's what this thread ever was, to be honest.

justilou1 · 23/10/2019 04:31

After years of my husband telling me that I just had to be “more organized” and that running a family and studying and working was a piece of cake.... This year I have lost my shit with my husband and thrown the entire mental load of the family at him to take on. Three teenaged kids and their homework, social life, birthday presents, doctors appointments, dentists, school fees, bills, vets, worming treatments, grooming salons, anal gland cleansing (the dog’s...fyi), housework, in-laws, EVERYTHING. I am now focusing on building my VERY IMPORTANT CAREER. Just like I let him do. It was that, or I walk out. Very interesting to see how much hair is in the bottom of the shower. He has learned not to minimize what I was doing before anymore. He is suddenly a feminist. Hilarious isn’t it?

andrea11745 · 23/10/2019 05:04

This reply has been deleted

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happinessischocolate · 23/10/2019 22:42

My best relationships in life are with men. My Dad, my husband are wonderful men.

Women who are happily married are shielded from so much of the bad male behaviour.

I'm a single mum and am friends with lots of other single mums, we have all received unwanted messages from married men, often married dads from school, who assume that we must be desperate and gagging for it.

There are good men out there, but imho the average guy is usually a sexist chauvinist, even when they try really hard not to be.