Dating thread 172: from developing a rhino hind to finding love in the unusual places...the rollercoaster of dating!

[CodLiverOil556]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item. 😘

@Undecidedsofa can I just play devils advocate in that my ex was a very boring British food, meat and veg loving man (as long as those veg were carrots and peas) so I would only date so

aFucking iPad. I was going to say after 20 years in a relationship where I ate / cooked to please ex it is important now to have someone who eats more varied food including veggie food (ex refused this).

Mr R has met the kids. He came over for drinks. They were curious- then got bored and watched TV.

I've been dating on and off for 18 months since divorce.

I personally wouldn't date anyone still married, separated or not. Tried it twice both times weren't successful, too much drama. Now despite chemistry it's a straight no from me. In fact any unresolved issues concerning exes is a straight no after the first or second date.

Another biggie is chatting via text or What's App, neediness, constant attention via texting just becomes annoying especially when busy with work or the children. Sometimes people just need to unplug after a hard day. Save it for the date or the times when meeting up.

No smokers, excessive drinkers, swearing excessively is also a no, mention the word princess and I just switch off. Although me and the ex girlfriend are trying to patch things up after neediness and princess behaviour. I do have boundaries.

In the 18 months I've been dating I've had all of the above and more, ghosted, flaked on, good sex, bad sex, electric chemistry, no chemistry, a few who disguise appearance, liars, mental health issues, kindness, love, sleeping with the light on, laughs, boring dates, exciting dates, I've even been judged on how I use a knife and fork.
Never a dull moment OLD., as I've got older I've become very fussy, me and my girls have a nice life, an addition would be nice but I'm not going to destroy the hard work everyone has put in post divorce for any woman.

Think it's finally time for me to properly join the dating thread. I've been lurking a while and attempting to navigate the online dating headfuckery alone but unsuccessfully. So hello everyone

"Princess behaviour" that terminology is enough to just walk right away.

You sound like an absolute delight @Tiffanysetting

I'd understand if I was after a relationship but we were 'negotiatibg' a FWB arrangement and i explicitly said it was a recent breakup, i was not entirely over it and therefore was not looking fir a relationship. Not sure why my actual status was such a problem if the rest was OK.

Am at my parents now and having a bit of a wobble. I guess because it's 'safe' to. I cope with the end of my marriage most times then every now and then it hits me that this is not just a temporary thing to ride out, but a permanent forever change

So am on the train to the first of 2 dates today! Am seeing MrTravels in an hour or so as he's driving up to Manchester from London to see me for a couple of hours. Then MrMechanic the gorgeous piece of sexy meat that I can't wait to see!! Oooooh feels good to be me right now! Was going to say @Tiffanysetting you sound like a peach!

Why does it matter technically still being married if the marriage and relationship is over?

I didn't even think this could be an issue. I'm technically 'married' but it's been over for 14 months and I'm just waiting to be able to go for the decree absolute at the moment. No one I've been on dates with has been bothered by it.

Kermit have a fabulous time on your dates! Sexy piece of meat 😂 hope it goes well

Oh bollocks - just had a message from MrMechanic - he's at the hospital having bust his hand! He said he's still coming to meet me he just might be strong painkillers 🤣🤣 I would cancel but I'm off down south tomorrow and won't be able to meet for another week! We've moved our date location to nearer to him as it was halfway. He's only 7 miles from me anyway!

Kermit that's good he's not cancelled! I'd be gutted if he did!

I could do with some dating advice. I'm in my 30s with 2 young dc. I don't want a conventional relationship where we end up moving in together etc because I'm very happy bringing my kids up alone. What I do want is sex, company, fun and honesty. The first 3 seem easy enough to come by, the last one not so easy. It seems to be par for the course that when I reveal what it is I'm looking for, people see me as an easy jump who doesn't care what happens afterwards.

The opposite is true. I'm very sensitive and easily hurt and if someone just fades away after sex (however many times we may have seen each other) then I'm really badly affected by it. I wouldn't mind if they said "I've met someone else" or "I'm not really into this any more" but they generally don't. They just disappear into the ether.

Is it because of what I'm saying I'm looking for? Is that naturally going to attract wrong uns?

@KermitRulesOK he's keen!

I'm still married, separated over two years ago but divorce isn't really doable until we sell the family home and that's clearly not happening any time soon, thank you Brexit.

There are constant dramas with ex he's an abusive shit. But even after divorce there will be because we coparent and because he still uses me as his stress ball. Financially he has me by the balls. And while he's paying my mortgage I feel like I'm not free. I'm slowly realising that this is possibly why I don't feel ready for a proper relationship. I've always said it doesn't matter but actually it does.

But not for a BF or FWB just for a proper long term thing.

@Peanutbuttermouth I have been looking for the same as you. Basically a boyfriend. But I'm now wondering if that's even possible really. Because if you really like each other then you will want to move it on. I thought I could maintain it with Mr U but he wants a life partner. And I can't do that at the moment. What I mean is that I'm not sure what you're looking for can be long term. Because you end up falling for each other. I'm realising that what is more sensible is a FWB but I'm too romantic for that. I can do FB though as that has a definite boundary.

I can see why still being married might be an issue for some - if you are still financially entangled with your estranged spouse and haven't settled finances it can cause issues and drama.
Good luck for your dates kermit

What's the difference between fb and fwb? I came to the same conclusion after the only guy who was actually honest with me ended up falling for me and I ended it because I knew he wanted to settle down and have children.

@InTheTempest I dont think there is any issue. If they are single and it's over. Then it's over!

Good luck @KermitRulesOK

@Peanutbuttermouth FB is just a fuck buddy. Nothing else than that, you meet up to have sex when you both want it. A FWB is a friends with benefits. To me this is like a relationship but with no formal relationship. You text, chat, maybe enjoy dates etc with sex. Nothing more.

I learnt I didn't like a FB, it's a FWB I want because I don't want a relationship. But I want to feel that desire and want.

Peanutbuttermouth we sound like we're in similar positions. I'm early 30s, two young DC. Split with stbxh last year and have been OLD for a while now.

I too was never really wanting a relationship, just some fun. Although fwb can be hard. If they're just a fb it's easy as there's no real emotional connection but fwb, when you like them and do couply things it's hard to not end up wanted more. Well for me, everyone is different.

I thought Mr Cath Fach at 22 would be just a bit of fun and that there's no way I'd get the feels. I didn't want to, I'm happy being single. But how wrong I was! That's the danger.

KokoCoco (hope that's the right way round). Not financially entangled other than child maintenance really. Got some loose ends to sort and need to get him to sign away his rights to equity but I'm pretty much self sufficient.

I'm still married. Separated almost 2 years though and it hasn't been as issue to any men I've met so far. Me and my ex are more amicable than most divorced couples I know to be honest.

Fair comments guys. I dated a separated guy once when I was first separated which didn't bother me as exh hadn't long left and I didn't really have a clue what I was doing and didn't want a LTR. I wasnt keen to get married again but that was prior to meeting bf who I can totally see myself marrying in a few years - if he was still married (as it happens he's never been married) then we couldn't do that!similarly buying a house jointly would be difficult if they still owned a house with estranged spouse. Estranged spouse or their new partner could come after more than their share of joint assets etc.
I suppose there is a difference between separated with a progression towards divorce and separated with no plans for divorce.

Hope I haven't caused any offence to anyone - I understand everyone's situations are different and different things work for different people. I just felt I understood why an iron may choose to cancel a date upon learning someone was separated but still technically married. Perhaps short cited of them but I can understand their reasoning.

Omg what a date with MrMechanic! We are on the same wavelength on pretty much everything. He's such a sweet thing and very courteous and has lovely manners. Will definitely be seeing him again even with his bust hand!

Sounds great Kermit.

I've been divorced nearly 3 years but still 'entangled' House is selling, we have an adult disabled DC, spousal maintenance .... thankfully it's not put anyone off!! Exh hates me, perhaps that helps 😂

Mr BC is having a post-coital snooze next to me - I love Saturday nights/Sunday mornings 😍

Great news on mr mechanic kermit
interesting bat re your situation. I was keen to get exh straight off mortgage as part of divorce-I know lots aren't able to do that but my concern is what if they go bankrupt/default on mortgage/bank comes after the house?-I wanted to maintain my credit rating and again couldn't buy a house with a new partner if still owned one with ex.🤞it sells quickly for you.