Dating thread 172: from developing a rhino hind to finding love in the unusual places...the rollercoaster of dating!

[CodLiverOil556]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item. 😘

@InTheTempest also beautiful, lovely lady and several others 🤢

Sunshine why the fuck did he share that with you?? I completely understand your reaction !

Am having an amazing time

I hate being called 'hun' too

@EchoElephant I had something hopefully helpful to say about rejection as I read the thread and nodded off last night. But mainly that you punish yourself for the behaviour of others by not getting back out there. I understand completely the feeling of being burnt but not everyone out there will be the same,and you've learned a bit more in the process of filtering out those harmful sorts.

Also when I started on this thread I had some helpful profile reviews. All advised me to tone down the active lifestyle stuff as it can appear intimidating, especially if it's not a firm requirement that you have.

In any case I reasoned that there are ample opportunities to meet someone via my sport, so the profile could do to reflect me a bit more broadly.

I definitely think it's a good idea to get someone to review your profile preferably a stranger as they can be more constructive with their comments. A friend will help but emotionally might not say something about a picture etc.

@Sunshineandflipflops Mine also split up with the OW after a couple of years, it was almost as if they'd stayed together that long to try and prove to friends and family it was worth having the affair because they actually carried on the relationship afterwards and were a "proper couple". In reality they had a horrible time, arguing, infidelity on both sides (the irony!), oh and the fact he still wanted to get back with me.

Not jealous at all @BatshitCrazyWoman, it's blowy an absolute storm here today. Definitely woodburner and a bottle of red wine date weather.

Good luck to anyone venturing out on dates today ☂️⛈

HairyArsedMan
I can't really disagree with what you're saying. But in 5 years I've rarely met anyone that I click with. Or if I do then they let me down & mess me around.
My way of filtering them out at the moment is to not go on the apps at all. Because last time I looked, I just felt I couldn't trust any of them. Even though I didn't know them!

In my head I know that not everyone will be like that. But I'm struggling to trust my judgement as it's let me down so many times.

As for the profile, I just have a photo of me doing my sport and a short line about it. It doesn't dominate my life but I would like to meet someone who likes to do some sort of activity other than beer drinking.
Unfortunately, I keep finding that men around my age don't seem to do much with their lives. It's like they're waiting for a woman to entertain them. Like my ex-husband.

I'm unlikely to meet anyone through my sport as I'm about 20yrs older than most of them.

@BatshitCrazyWoman He thought I should hear from him than someone else and I guess he will be telling the kids soon (they met her but never really mentioned her so don't think they'll be that bothered to be honest).
I think he expected a bigger reaction from me and actually probably wanted one but I didn't give it to him. Just told him I don't want to lie so I won't say anything other than thanks for letting me know.

@JeSuisPrest Yes, me and everyone else was surprised it lasted so long after they were found out but I think a lot of the last 2 years has been because he lost so much for that affair and she was also with someone else too so they were kind of forced to give it a go really. It was always doomed though.

I much prefer hun to babe

Thanks @saltysally, much appreciated. I'm going to keep at it because I deeply desire connection with other people and I have to be open myself in order to create meaningful relationships, romantic or otherwise.

Mr G calls me hun, but he is from the American South and it's literally part of his dialect. Reminds me of home, in a powerful way. So I like it from him.

@EchoElephant have you had your profile reviewed recently? Cassettes (who I don't think is here anymore and @HairyArsedMan did mine most recently and was very helpful just seeing a different perspective. To me, sounds like you have lost enthusiasm for internet dating so maybe just enjoy Xmas and get back on when you feel a bit more confident again. I totally empathise as I'm not having much luck with the apps either. My blurb says I'm not a big drinker but the last few blokes messaging me have admitted to alcohol issues. Not sure why I'm attracting these sorts!

@Sunshineandflipflops I suppose decent of your ex to tell you, though I agree sometimes better the devil you know. Hopefully he realises what he lost now.

I'm in exactly the same boat @morenicecereal. I'm enjoying the experience now which is more than I could have said a year ago.

Mr Tuesday called me babe, once. It set my teeth on edge. He also told me last night he still wants a kid. Even though we'd agreed on casual meets, I don't want to occupy his time if that is what he wants so I won't be seeing him again.

After agreeing to a second date I've woken up today to find that 25 year old has unmatched me 🤣 Suppose they're not so different in their 20s after all.
Oh well, onwards and upwards. Although I too am struggling to muster up much enthusiasm for OLD at the moment.

@Peanutbuttermouth were you only messaging on the dating site or had you moved to WA? Some people unmatch/delete/hide profile when they get to second date stage

No we hadn't swapped numbers, I wasn't remotely invested or even sure about meeting again but he was so keen so I'd agreed!

Sent a msg last night. He replied at 10.15am. I am gritting my teeth and waiting for a second msg before replying. I hate game playing like this but i think it's necessary.

Also i seem to have developed oral thrush. Ouch. The joys of being run down and stressed. It'd better have improved by tomorrow. I want a snog if there's chemistry.

Eesha, thanks for the suggestion of getting my profile reviewed. I might do that when I try again.

I don't seem to have a problem getting dates. It's more that I find I have very little in common with my dates, so they usually end with 'thanks but no thanks' type of message.
The blokes that I think I would get on with (the ones in lycra doing sporty things), they just ignore me.

But you're right, I've lost any enthusiasm for chatting & meeting strangers. I'll probably be back on there by Christmas though, as I have Christmas by myself this year.

@Peanutbuttermouth oh well nothing really lost there.

He's just popped back up in my messages...was there a glitch on bumble this morning?!

That can happen @peanutbuttermouth I've noticed it a few times.

@EchoElephant. Where do you live ? I live in north wales and I would say large proportion of the men here around 35-45 run or do climbing / biking etc. Maybe try expanding to an more rural area ? I’m not sporty or outdoorsy at all 😂 when they talk about how many mountains in a day it goes over my head

Jane1978xx I'm in the east of England, near a small university city.
I know a lot a men aged 30-40 who are very sporty, through the sport that I do.
Unfortunately, my age range is around 45 - 55. I see a lot of profiles of men in lycra in that age range but I get no interest from them.

I was married for 20 years to someone whose only interest outside work was TV, beer and chocolate. And I was expected to sit and watch TV every evening with him. I didn't socialise much because he didn't like going out. And stopped me going out on my own.

I've spent the last 5 years living the life I missed out on for 20 years. I like my life and my independence. So I'm looking for a partner who understands this and doesn't think that a perfect date is watching TV then having sex. (Yes, I've met someone who told me that!)

I'm not necessarily looking for someone as active and sporty as me. Just someone who has an interest in life and takes care of themselves (no giant beer guts).

There are older men on there as well in that 40-50 age range who cycle/walk/climb etc. Have you tried joining a running or cycling club ? They maybe don’t need to do the same sport as you but generally be an outdoors person.

Ok ladies ... does this sound crazy, a guy I have never met, never spoken to on the phone but have seen live pictures so he's really who he says he is, has declared his love for me, says he wants to be with me forever. I'm thinking of blocking him because he must be crazy right? Well he's mentally sound he's a major in the army! I'm kind of thinking he's hot and good for a fling but ... red flags

@stucknoue sounds cray cray to me! Do you know he's a Major in the Army? Have you asked him his number that's a sure fire way to test - if you need any help please PM me