Dating thread 172: from developing a rhino hind to finding love in the unusual places...the rollercoaster of dating!

[CodLiverOil556]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item. 😘

Advice please. Arranging a second date with the 25 year old but I'm 99% sure he hasn't properly read my profile and hasn't realised I have kids. Do I bring it up now? Do I leave it and see if I'm actually interested after a second date? Feels almost duplicitous not to mention them!

Ok he just brought it up so he did know. Phew!
@MoreNiceCereal try and relax and enjoy. Don't compare to ex (I know that's hard) but also don't just take Mr G at his word, look at his actions too.

@peanutbuttermouth. Can you just mention them in passing like oh I need a baby sitter for them. I’m surprised it’s not come up really , just in general convo about weekends etc.

@MoreNiceCereal. You’ll never know until you try. I’ve not met anyone yet but my ex made me feel like I was fat and unattractive and boring and that’s not the feedback I’ve had at all

Fab news @KermitRulesOK

I have a new iron I'll call Mr Camera. I'm meeting him Sunday.

Right now I'm enjoying my socialising, for want of a better way to describe things. It's just what I need right now.

Some lovely updates on here at the moment. I hope it continues.

I'm nowhere near ready to go back on the apps. My self esteem took a huge battering after Mr Friends Only.
This week is the 5 year anniversary of my divorce. I never expected to still be single. But apart from a short relationship of a few months, all I've had is 5 years of too many first dates and a handful a second dates.

I'm 51 and I find that many men in the late 40s to early 50s have no clue how to communicate well. It's like they've become single and think they're God's gift to women. Despite looking like they spend their days lounging on the sofa, drinking beer.

There seems to be template message in the age group that says "Hi. My name is XX, I'm Y years old and divorced. You look like a pretty, fun girl. Would you like to chat?"

Er....no, thanks.

So far his actions are definitely in alignment with his words, so I feel able to trust him so far. It's just this part of me that I've walled off for so long, and letting my guard down. Heavy stuff.

I do very much enjoy his company, he is so affectionate and sweet, and we really seem to have the same way of communicating our feelings, which is nice. Just feeling a bit introspective and navel gaze-y I guess.

@Peanutbuttermouth could you maybe mention it like "hang on, just feeding/bathing the kids" or mention what you were doing with the kids.

Well tomorrow should have been date night and still not heard from Mr Northern. I seem to be getting quite a few hits on tinder but the conversation doesn't go anywhere.

So...my ex messaged me this afternoon to inform me that he and his gf (the ow) have split up, just under two years after their affair ended our marriage.
Not too sure how I'm supposed to respond to that but I've told him thanks for letting me know and I am not saying any more as I don't want to lie by saying I'm sorry or I hope he's ok. I'm not sorry and I hope his heart is breaking into tiny fucking pieces.

(I didn't say the last part)

@EchoElephant What sites are you on ? I'm around your age and I can assure you I don't drink loads of beer and spend all my time on the sofa. I do need a nap on it now and again though

I find a non-bland profile usually makes the opening message easier to write (not saying yours is bland and that these blokes contacting you are not to blame).

What about trying Bumble where you can initiate the conversation after matching in a way that you would like ?

sunshine totally understandable

@HairyArsedMan
I have a very active job and I've been known to come home and fall asleep on the sofa 😂. I think I would come under the "sporty and active" category but I struggle to attract the attention of men who are similar. Maybe they don't like the idea of some competition!
The beer drinking, sofa loving men is a big generalisation but is predominantly the sort of interest that I get. I think they just send the same message to every woman in the hope of getting a reply.

I'm not on any sites at the moment. I don't think I can handle the rejection right now.
But I've tried everything. Most successful has been Tinder or POF. I've had zero dates from Bumble and generally get only one or two matches. I don't think it's popular in my area. But thanks for the suggestion.

After my disappointment the other day I decided to get back on the horse and started chatting with a guy who quite frankly, I thought was way out of my league and wondered why he was talking to me!
Anyway, he got my number so we could chat on WhatsApp, but it popped up that his was a business account... When I asked he said he'd lost his phone and was using work WhatsApp (but picture is of him as a child)!?
He said he lives down south, but the app has him in the North East.. He said that's because he was there yesterday when he registered the app, but had already told me he'd been on since Monday.
He's well dodgy isn't he?

sunshine I'd have mixed feelings on that. On one hand I'd love him and ow to split and both be hurt but on other hand hed then have thrown 21 years away for nothing 🤦‍♀️

ticket yup.

@Sunshineandflipflops too bad so sad for him. Still sad he threw your marriage away.

@morenicecereal keep working through this. You are doing good

@Sunshineandflipflops I completely understand though! Karma in action.

@tickettocrazytown so odd

@Neverexpected2 He threw it away for nothing regardless. She made him forget he was a middle aged husband and father of two for a brief time. Got found out and was stuck with her. It was always going to end.

I do wonder who the hell he'll get involved with next though and at least there was a bit of 'better the devil' but at least the next one won't be the women who broke or family up.

sunshine yes I guess you're correct and they have indeed thrown it all away for nothing. I took great pleasure in reminding my ex when she was outed that he will always know I was with him for him (as he had nothing when we got together) but can never actually know that about her 😉

And in dating news MrPoliceman is seeing if he can juggle a few things so we can bring our date forward from thur to Tues 🤞

Sunshine - I know exactly what you mean - my first husband cheated on me but is still with the OW over 20 years later - at least all the pain wasn't for a short lived fling

Right so I've unhid my profile on tinder and am attempting to make some vague form of effort..., I just really cba.

Everyone is boring me to death on there. And is it just me who gets pissed off with being called hun? Straightaway it makes me want to unmatch.

I'm a right misery 😂

@InTheTempest you're not alone, hate being called hun - immediate unmatch or bollocking depending which site I was on at the time

You just know that the conversation is going to be appalling when they call you hun.

There's literally no one decent on tinder atm. No one.