Dating thread 172: from developing a rhino hind to finding love in the unusual places...the rollercoaster of dating!

[CodLiverOil556]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item. 😘

@shitwithsugaron you're lucky you get to see him that much! I get EOW and 1 night in the week free to see Mr Ad.
Maybe both bands won't happen, it's could be just excited talk at this stage but it's also good to have your own interests too.

thanks for all the advice. Agree with it all!

@eyebrows I dont feel qualified to give advice haha but I'd say if u want to reply just reply. Says me who wants to txt but is holding back!

@eyebrowsofinstagram ur right my iron (what does that mean??) isnt sure. I could put up with that if he still wanted to have some fun until he decided but not silence.

my plan, is wait for a week, if no contact ask for a little call, if he cant squeeze me in for 5 mins then say bye. if he does, try speak to him about lack of messages.

@shitwithsugaron it's so easy for ur mind just to go off on one tho. maybe once he starts them up he'll realise 2 isnt possible.

@crazycatlady20 iron means irons in the fire

Evening all, welcome to the newbies, nice to see some new faces 🖐🏻

A quick bit of thread admin if I may? If you are tagging other posters with an @ sign, please use their full name, otherwise some random MNetter who actually does have the name you are tagging and normally only posts on threads about cakes and balance bikes for toddlers ends up getting a message about whether she should be using Tinder and replying to messages about someone's cock size... 🙈

I tried POF and Tinder. Found them both pretty similar, but preferred the anonymity of POF, though when I split from MrAbs I went on Tinder for the first time as I couldn't bear the thought of seeing his profile on POF. Luckily met MrC on my first batch of swipes and we're 6 months in now so its definitely not just for hook ups.

Regarding communication, this was probably my biggest source of angst. I needed someone who matched my communication style. I love messaging and talking on the phone. You need to find someone who matches you, especially if you are prone to overthinking because your brain will fill in the gaps with all sorts of made up shit. If someone messaged me a couple of times a day, it wouldn't work for me, but I'll admit I'm needy as fuck. MrC didn't send me a good morning message for the first time in over 6 months the other day - my logical brain said it's fine, don't worry. My crazy insecure brain said you've said something that's upset him, think woman, think, what could it be???? I sent him a breezy "morning, hope all OK x" message. Turned out he'd got collared by someone on his way into work when he'd normally be sending me a message and didn't feel he could be rude to them (texting and talking).

I watched "He's Just Not That into You" again today. So many truths in that film. If a guy is interested in you he will make a meeting happen, he will message you because he doesn't want you to forget that he's interested in you - he needs to keep the competion at bay, he will pay attention to small details you tell him. You will not need to do the chasing. Send one follow up text if you think things are going off the boil then leave it.

All going well still with MrC (understatement tbh). He says Intimidating Aunty wants to know what I want for Christmas - I said it was unnecessary, but a kind thought. I asked what she might like - he said, don't worry he'd sort her present and put it from both of us. I jokingly asked if this is where we are now - giving joint presents and cards from MrC & JeSuis. Apparently we are 🤷‍♀️

Sorry that was a bit epic, and I've still not caught up from loads of posts.

So inspired by the person on here who is seeing a 22 year old, I signed back on to a couple of apps and set my age range to 20s (I'm early 30s). What a world of difference! I've been chatting to a few guys tonight, not one sleazy message, dick pic or even innuendo! Just fun and banter. I've arranged to meet a 25 year old tomorrow evening. Men on OLD in their 30s and 40s are so grim in comparison!

@Peanutbuttermouth. I’m 40 and I’ve had messages off men in their late 20s which are all a lot more confident and polite than men around my own age. I do turn them down as that’s just too young ! I also find the same for men in their later 40s and there are some very well preserved men of that age 😂. Everyone seems to take up running marathons

So had a last minute date with an iron i wasn't sure about .it was awful start to finish. As soon as the door opened i didn't like anything abput him...Every vibe i got of him was wrong...Long hour as i brought 2nd round of drinks.. However the cringe moment was he really liked me and go his diary out to pencil in a 2nd date.. i said i get back to him as my birthday nect week..How ever i dont now how i managed to keep a straight face when he asked did i need the loo as we were going for a drive ..I was bloody driving.. .i have whats app and blocked least not much time wasted.

I found the same. I didnt have my search age range set down to 20s but on pof when I was using it all the younger men were great chat, no sleaze, fun.

In my (very)limited experience, younger men have been much nicer to talk to and stuck to their word compared to older men. Agree on less sleaze as well!
Can I ask, those on the smitten bench, when was the L bomb dropped?! I appreciate it is different for everyone!

The L bomb has also been dropped with me and we've been together two months.
We just knew. I know it's a different kind of love to that of being with someone for years but that's ok...it's still love.

I have enough trouble with men my own age or older being mature enough so I wouldn't consider someone in their 20's personally and also I'd wonder what the hell we'd have in common. Depends what you're looking for I guess 😉

Peanut that's me! 31, I left the lower age set at 21 on tinder as that's what it was automatically. I've genuinely found the younger ones better. Still occasional sleaze but generally they are way more fun and interesting tbh. I've had such a lot of serious 'adulting my to do over the past year so I suppose in a way they're a breath of fresh air.

From my first chat with Mr Cath Fach on tinder I thought he was a laugh and had plenty of good chat. Didn't think I would end up eating more than fun though, this is the danger...

Hurray for all the lovely youngsters out there really looking forward to my date tonight! Just slightly worried that he hasn't closely looked at my age and the fact I have kids ...

It's interesting. I know a 27yo fella who is actually just my type but I'd written him off due to being 11 years older than him. it's a moot point right now obviously but maybe I shouldn't be so strict about age. Everyone is different.

I'm finding very early 30s seem to be my market... when anybody matches woth me at all that is.

Currently chatting to a new iron. Don't fancy him as much as Mr Copper but hey seems sweet and funny. Might have to give him a name soon...

We have only ever exchanged the l word when drunk and not directly 'I love you' but 'I could be falling in love with you'. He has maybe done it 4 or 5 times and me once but I am waiting for it sober. I am not going to be the first one to say it. I'm not even sure I know what being in love is anymore or loving someone ever since I got the 'I love you but I'm not in love with you' cliche from ex. Must google how you know if you're in love. I probably am but I am overthinking it!

So, 4 days on from initially meeting MrDr through friends and we are messaging every night. He is ticking a LOT of boxes. No suggestion yet about when/if to meet up. I'm concerned about rushing into things. My friend who is 2 months in with meeting her new bloke (in similar circumstances) said they messaged for 2 days, arranged to meet and slept together that night! They have been inseparable ever since and clearly have a great rapport. I'm so happy for her.

I did wonder though, how the hell do you people who message several irons at a time, manage it? With MrDr we spend hours chatting (messaging). I have some messages from the usual friends coming in on an evening and barely have time to respond to them at the moment LOL!

Is it too early to say I feel a bit smitten? I really do need to meet up again with him person, but he's 2 hours away. Can't exactly meet in a lunch for a coffee. I'm thinking of suggesting somewhere halfway between to meet, distance wise - that sounds fair doesn't it? I want it to be soon!

@PinkMonkeyBird it's good you've already met in person, but there's still the risk of building him up in your head and that not matching the real him, so I'd plan to meet up asap. Halfway between is fair! I don't think two hours apart is a deal breaker as such but it definitely requires more coordination.

Having several irons is a bit stressful and I was always terrified of getting names or details mixed up. Or forgetting pertinent information, such as on one date forgetting his dad died and asking when they last met up. I was tipsy at the time to be fair, and his dad had passed 20+ years ago so it wasn't a recent event, but STILL. I remain embarrassed about that gaffe.

@MoreNiceCereal the good thing is he is a mutual friend to my friend's partner who has known him for years. I know what you mean about building him up in my head. He has been very open about his life. In a way I like the distance, because if it goes tits up then I don't have the risk of bumping into him in town like my recent ex here!

That's so funny with the irons and getting stuff mixed up. I'm glad I don't have another one to the mix...I'd so fuck up!

@PinkMonkeyBird It's not as far but Mr Ad and I are an hour apart and for our first couple of dates we met half way.

Definitely don't write people off on age I think. And depends on what you want as well. If it's just fun then for me there's nothing better than 22 yr old Mr Cath Fach who has endless energy and a gorgeous body. Problem is I ended up liking him 😂

Distance can be a pain but depends quite how far- in ways I like it too. I'm quite independent and like my space

Interesting thoughts on the L bomb, thank you! I'm in a similar predicament Stealth that I don't know what it really is anymore after the same situation re ILYBINILWY. It has been dropped but drink and sex was involved and it needs to be sober to be 'proper'. I do feel like I'm falling for him but like sunshine early love is different to that been-together-years love.

@KeepCalmCarryOhFuckIt Doesn't mean it's not real though.
Mr Ad said it to me first-no drink involved as he doesn't drink. I didn't say it back straight away as I didn't want it to just be in response to him saying it but a few days later it felt right to say it.
Even if it doesn't last, it doesn't mean how we feel about each other right now isn't real
or valid and not saying it out loud doesn't cause any less hurt if it goes tits up.