Dating thread 172: from developing a rhino hind to finding love in the unusual places...the rollercoaster of dating!

[CodLiverOil556]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item. 😘

I think it's good to keep in our head the actual facts and not what we think is happening.

If someone seemed really decent and genuine and nice and we were meeting I could maybe give them my number but they all just seem to want to do sexting- is that a correct word sexting instead of texting. I don't want to do that, I dont want to text on what's app - until I've met someone and arrange to see them again? Is that a problem though? If it's making me look like I'm hiding something?

@Buttons4me I actually prefer chatting on WhatsApp as I then have control of it and can block if I need to. I like to keep all my conversations in one place then I can keep up as I did have 6/7 blokes I was talking to at one point. I didn't want to touch tinder with a barge pole but I'm so glad I did as I've met MrMechanic on there and he is hot and interesting and something is blossoming from our chats. If you don't want to sext then don't! I suggest Bumble as you are fully in control there. POF is a cattle shop and I don't like it - it's certainly not popular on this forum either.

I met Mr G via Tinder and he's great (so far)! Nowt wrong with it, imo.

@KermitRulesOK @MoreNiceCereal mines more the what the hell do I wear because I'm in plaster so my usual winter outfit of jeans, knee high boots and a nice top or jumper is out of the window as I can do them up. I can't really go in my PJs even though I'm basically living in them at home. It's meant to be cold tomorrow so it's not not great when outfit choices get what is easy to go to the loo in, what I can actually get on and off and what goes with a bright purple plaster

I like wearing dresses so I have a lot of skater type dresses that you can dress up or down depending on where you're going. I wear them with black tights and pixie boots - that's my first date outfit of choice

@Buttons4me I met Mr Ad on Bumble but he was also on Tinder. I hated PoF.
I met a couple of nice guys on March but you also have to do a bit of messaging/swiping too.
I found the same guys are on Tinder as on all the other sites and you get people who just want hook ups on most of the other sites too.

Thanks for replies. I will have a look at Bumble.

Hi, I'm new here and new to dating after over 10 years.

Have spoken to lots, met a few. 1 guy I've met a handful of times and like and says he likes me but I dont get that vibe when I'm
not with him.

he was reluctant to say what he wanted and he called off a few times so were a bit on/off. I asked him if he wanted to date and be exclusive and he said yes so we met again but I think I've went a bit overboard messaging him lol and he barely messages now. I do know he has a lot on with work and family but would like a message here and there!

• How often would u expect a guy to message in the beginning and after a few months? at least once a day? or are days of nothing still ok?
• If he is a bit blunt I.e. no questions do I just not text back?
• how long do I leave it too see if he messages me?

I feel a bit stuck as now agreed to be exclusive. my heads thinks ask him out for next weekend, if he says no or cant and doesnt want to arrange anything then say bye. and if I should ask him out, how far in advance? arghhhh!

I feel about 12yo! Also what does iron stand for?

@crazycatlady20 I would cut your losses with this one! OLD should be fun and exciting and you should want to text each other at least a couple of times a day and should be wanting to know everything about one another. It's should be easy and absolutely not hard work!

buttons I'd agree with the comments so far, I didn't like POF - too many spam profiles, bots, and just generally I didn't find many women I liked on there. I left Tinder till last as I assumed it was a hook up site for youngsters, actually I had more success on there, Bumble is good as well.
I would be suspicious of somebody not wanting to give a number or would just assume they had no intention to actually meet so would move on.
Only time I've agreed to meet somebody without exchanging numbers she was a widow so I went at her pace rather than mine. And actually we did move to WA prior to the date.
crazycatlady I can be a bit blunt when I'm busy particularly at work, so don't necessarily take it personally. But if it bothers you then definitely say so.
If you're talking about this coming w/e I'd be making arrangements now so just ask. If the w/e after then maybe a bit early and wait till this w/e to arrange.

Number of messages I'd say are more personal, even on a really quiet day I exchange half a dozen messages minimum, but that's us everybody is different.

Oh and maybe other women can comment on this for buttons isn't there an increased level of safety by knowing somebody's phone number prior to a date? I know that's not infallible but surely better than just an online profile which could be fake?

Thanks for comments. I think maybe if I feel like I'm chatting to a decent enough person who isn't just after sexting and sending naked pictures then I would be ok to give my number. Thankyou.

I've always swapped numbers before going on a date. It's easy enough to block if need be.
On the messaging front, I've always exchanged quite a few messages with someone I'm dating. Mr Ad and I talk A LOT!

@KermitRulesOK I think I know this but would like to give it a go. @Ant330 I'm at the point now I'm kind scared to say anything incase I'm bugging him. dont know if just overthinking.

he does just have a very (very) small baby but he knew that when he contacted me and is online doing other stuff. might give another casual message tonight and if no response tomorrow say its not for me. or is that too hasty? Suppose I'm basically getting nothing from it if hes not texting me.

@sunshineandflipflops yeah I'd like to text lots too, I love seeing a message pop up from someone I like and he was like that before.

re mob numbers, I prefer using them. theres a facility on all phones and apps to block if they turn out to be not very nice.

@Buttons4me I was wary about tinder as I thought it was just hook ups. And I was nervous about giving out my number. Tinder is no different to any other site. Better than pof as they can only message you if you swipe on them. And I give my number out if I'm interested no issues now. I wouldn't meet someone I hadn't shared numbers with. It's easy to block someone if you don't like them or they hassle you in anyway.

I have Pof but my profile is hidden and I just message people I like the look of after I’ve read their info. They can then see me . It makes it work a bit like bumble then. Most people do message back

@crazycatlady20 I'd probably just leave it myself, wait for him to make first contact for a while. Dial it back. If theres hardly anything or nothing after a week drop him a note saying something like it seems like he needs a bit of space so you'll leave him to it....nicely worded. Then get on with swiping again.

Mr Surgery just sent me some pictures of his tattoos damn that man is hot with his shirt off. Looking forward to the date tomorrow even more now

crazycatlady the general rule of thumb which seems to work just fine even when you've met someone a few times, is that if you've texted last then leave it till they reply. Theres nothing wrong with a casual message just to say hi if you've not heard all day, but if you still get nothing then wait for them.
One of the last rules at the start of the thread says something along the lines of if you're scared to ask for fear of it going pear shaped then it's probably not right. I'm paraphrasing so worth reading.
Kermit makes a good point though, it should be fun not stressful to begin with.
But I stuck it out with somebody that made it hard work after about 7 weeks, and tbh it can still be hard work at times even at almost 5 months. Just depends if the good outweighs the bad enough ;)

Ugh. What's going on? From having heaps of Bumble matches i now seem to have a metaphorical red cross painted over my profile. Not a single fucking match for two days.
I feel a bit unwanted ...

@crazycatlady20 I'd like to know how much people message too. I'm worrying if I'm boring my iron. He's really lovely and always replies, but I wonder if I'm just messaging for the sake of it because I think we're supposed to? We've not met yet, but we've got a date planned in.

He messaged me today, but not a question, I wrote back with a joke , he replied to that responding to the joke- now I don't know if I should respond to that arghhh

Buuut saying all that @crazy I think your iron sounds a bit not sure maybe?

The old me would say ask him out then you see where you stand. New me is all confused about rules. I've never had a great experience asking men out. They either say yes, but don't reply to me setting up the plan. Or even go along with the plan, but then we never meet again.

This time round I consciously held back asking my iron out, and I feel a lot better about the whole thing because I know he wants to meet me.

If I don't have anything to say but still want to touch base as it were, I'll send a link to a funny article or a meme. Just something a bit random or interesting.

Gif wars are fun too.