Dating thread 172: from developing a rhino hind to finding love in the unusual places...the rollercoaster of dating!

[CodLiverOil556]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item. 😘

@NoMoreWeepingAndWanking I'd say your issues are most definitely on topic for this thread.

Hi everyone, I was hoping for a little bit of tlc and some sense talked into me...
I posted a while ago about a couple of guys I had chatted with / met on OLD.
Both ended up being Mr unavailable, but I have a suspicion that I was just maybe a fallback for them 😞
Fast forward to now, have learned quite a lot and have becomea bit more savvy.
I started chatting with someone last week and we arranged to meet yesterday. Date went really well, talked a lot, lots in common. He kissed me when we walked back to car and then exchanged a couple of messages last night and this morning. I had asked if he thought he wanted to meet again and he said we'd have to arrange something. All good.

Now this maybe because Ive been messed about and am hyper sensetive, but I can see he's been on the app today a few times (i went on to check a message from him and noticed). I just have a nagging feeling that I'm going to end up being the one that's OK for now until something better comes along / he's waiting for something better to come along.
Feel really shit, is it just me?

I think all you can do here is travel hopefully. Unless there's something specific he's doing to make you feel like the fallback i think you just have to wait and see...

@tickettocrazytown to be honest, I think it's perfectly reasonable after 1 date for him to be on the apps still. Until you've had some sort of exclusivity chat then he's not doing anything wrong and is probably keeping his options open until you know if you like each other properly.

@nomore @sunshine, I agree, I definately don't think he's doing anything wrong... I just wish I could get rid of the nagging feeling and enjoy the moment a bit. I think the others have really knocked my confidence. When we met last night, i just thought wow, he looks more handsome irl, what the hell has he agreed to meet me for?!
But then thought he wouldn't have kissed me if he wasn't interested surely.

@tickettocrazytown probably not, although I went on a date with a guy, went fine, we kissed at the end, a couple of polite but bland texts the next day but then nothing.
I think sometimes we read more into kisses than guys do.
He may be interested though, so don't give up hope just yet!

@tickettocrazytown I go on the apps after dates to check their pictures out and I also love reading back through messages so I'm not actually on the apps just checking out him again so you never know!

Some of the apps as well you can look like your online and your not. It’s just you are logged in and doing something else. Someone said I’m
Look like I’m on all day but I’m really not I just have music on 🤷🏼‍♀️😂

Ticket I do the same thing! Mr Sash must be on Tinder every morning and evening as his location changes when he is at work and then gets home... I’m not worried now as I think he’s lost interest. We’ve been chatting a bit but things have cooled and no third date set, after him cancelling twice. He did say on our first date that he initially joined for an ego boost so I’m guessing that still holds true.
I have been chatting to two new irons...one lives close by and seems nice, but really not my usual type (which, to be fair, all seem to turn out to be unavailable) and the other lives a good hour away from me. Do you guys find that kind of distance turns out to be a problem?

Thanks for your perspective everyone, I know I over think things, but like I said, I think that stems from being messed about.
I'll give it a little longer.
I just want to text and ask if hes interested or not so he's not wasting my time or feelings 😂

I’m the first in the queue when it comes to stressing/overthinking Ticket (as every poster on this thread will tell you ) but try not to worry too much about the app thing just yet; it seems very common in the early stages for people to stay on the apps; I think it’s a conversation to have maybe later in the relationship x

@FMFL Mr Ad lives an hours drive from me (an hour on 2 trains for him as he doesn't have a car) but we're making it work. We see each other every other weekend when I don't have the kids and once in the week.

It would be nice to see him more but I don't have much more free time anyway.

Yep ticket I think most of us are great at overthinking.
So jane the 19hr first date-was in run up to last Xmas - he collected me for a meal and few drinks (he was t total) at the local Xmas market then I ended up helping him get all his Xmas present shopping done (picked most of it for him) then towards end of date I just wasn't ready for it to end so asked if I could come back to his (pointing out not for any funny business just wasn't ready for date to end) to which he agreed but said I'd have to meet his mum who was on dog sitting duty. Then ended up staying the night haha.i have quite a catalogue of interesting old related stories!

Hi there, I came on here to post about this article I saw in New Scientist this week, about dealing with uncertainty- as what could be more uncertain than OLD?

But seems very relevant based on your post @tickettocrazytown
www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.newscientist.com/article/mg24432520-900-worried-about-the-future-the-science-behind-coping-with-uncertainty/amp/

I'm taking massive steps to chill out because I have a long time to go before I meet up with my lovely Iron (need to name him, but can't think of one until we meet)

Our week of amazing texting has tailed off to about 1%. It's easy to get disappointed about it, but I keep reminding myself he can't exactly go off me - as we've never even met- so it's all in our imagination anyway. We're still on for our date in a couple of weeks so I'm going to do my best to chill out (and diet 😳) until then. Then when the date comes just treat it as an amazing day out with a hunky stranger.

Feel much better now, thanks everyone. Will keep you posted 😊

I don't think I can comment on distance when it comes to dating, as I've chosen someone who lives thousands of miles away 😂

@Sunshineandflipflops I have a question for you...so MrMechanic and I are getting quite close. How long was it before you saw MrAD as different? As in, he's totally different to MrSAS and I actually see a future with this guy. Can feel myself getting massively over invested in MrMechanic and it feels different to anything I've known

Eyebrows same here on the messaging; Mr Sash and I were chatting a lot, two nice dates, he said he was really excited to meet me (in fact he was projecting into the future a fair bit!) then something seemed to change over the weekend and it’s now a lot cooler. I have thought back and I don’t think I said anything untoward, so I can only think someone else has piqued his interest. If we have another date that’s cool and I’m sure I’ll enjoy it but I’m not expecting anything at all from him now.

Sounds like a great date to xmas markets it’s doing things like that I miss .

Ah that sounds a good attitude @FMFL. There's so much we can't control so we just have to go with it. You may have mentioned- does he live near or far? As I wonder if those considerations make a difference in the end? Obviously loads of posters on here proving it's not a barrier but I've had a few irons who made a big fuss about the hassle factor.

Though saying that I matched with someone recently who is less than a km from my house (and I live in a small town). He was perfect height, perfect star sign (I know I shouldn't care but can't help myself 😳) obviously thought he was good looking. But he was asking so many questions about exact location of my house and about my kids that I freaked out and ended. Paranoid I'll see him on the school run, as he's obviously one of the dads from the school!

Do you know his first name ? Maybe look on fb and see if you can see him and Of he has mutual friends ?

@Eyebrows Mr Sash lives about 40 mins away; we’ve been meeting halfway but it’s possible he’s put off by the distance... but then just say that aargh! I think I’m a bit thrown as he was so keen to meet again and now that’s disappeared, but unusually for me I honestly don’t think I could have done anything different and so I’m just shrugging my shoulders and moving on (hopefully!).

Errr I just got home. I'm not sure which rules I broke tonight but both guilty of the too much too soon. Or maybe just my own rules. I'm hoping he blocks me tomorrow. Actually lovely guy but aaagh.

I'll be back tomorrow to hopefully make a bit of sense.

Omg what os wrong with men... Been reading..ok intresting times.. Meet one iron..Always knew it would be a fwb relationship if anything . A great fun night night but a few messages but nothing much
A bloke I dated 5 times but no commitment or communication got back in touch but got upset when i asked what he wanted. He said he could deal with that sort of question..

Got a new iron. NOT sure on him supposed to be meeting next Thursday vut Will be surprised if it happens.

Just so fed up with the ego bashing and soul destroying of dating..

@KermitRulesOK to be honest, I kind of knew straight away. He was very honest and open from the start - about himself and about how he felt about me. Mr SAS wasn't at all really and I was always wondering how he felt.
Mr Ad was just easy...we talked for ages (still do) and he wasn't afraid think about further than our next date!