Dating thread 172: from developing a rhino hind to finding love in the unusual places...the rollercoaster of dating!

[CodLiverOil556]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item. 😘

cocklodger!!!! New favourite word

Ooh that's tricky notcool, you sound very conflicted. Why does he live with his mum/how old is he?

@SBD1 I know I'm doing a crap job of keeping quiet. Firstly, great idea to make a plan with your son firmly in the centre. Sod your MiL she can think whatever she likes. If she decides to cut you off she will be the one missing out on her lovely GS. Solid parenting from you 👍

Secondly, you know you could have take control at any point in your accidental meeting and cut it short. I am not being a killjoy. I know how lovely it is to see your children get on with the man you love. My ex did all sorts with mine and it warmed my heart. Piggy backs, bedtime stories, rough play, holding hands on walks. My DD asked if she could call him 'daddy'. And they lost him when we ended. On top of having lost their dad. And at times I kept on with a relationship I had doubts about because of how he was with the kids. I honestly hope you and Mr C are the real deal but I do think 2 months is too early to play happy families with a young child who is still processing his own family breakdown.

And I will shut up again!!

@SBD1 I can only really echo what pp's have said particularly Kermit's personal history with men in her mothers life. It was traumatic for me to meet these people who I knew she was romantically involved with...that then didnt last. With the best will in the world on this thread and in my own experience you can think someone is solid early on, it's right, and then poof. It's gone. Getting the measure of someones character takes time

@InTheTempest I guess I wonder what it is you want? Your words around it are very unsure 'I guess' 'maybe' etc. He sounds like an open and honest sort. Which makes it harder. I suppose it depends how much of a negative effect it has on you? Do you want a partner? Is this stopping you from finding that?

He's in his 40s @InTheTempest

Back with his mum after splitting with his last gf late last year. I think he struggles to afford a place on his own with 2 lots of CM to pay. Not a high earner.

Honestly I panicked, deer in the headlights and I was definitely overcome with a good feeling which totally overrode any sense of logic or “this is a bad idea”

DS did ask when he was going to see Mr C again and I already have said well, Mr C is a bit busy for a while and you’re away quite a bit, and Daddy moves into his new flat soon so we probably won’t have time for a while.

And well I'd just have to wouldn't I tbh... I'm not the one whose gonna be able to end it but if he does there's no way I'm putting pressure on him if he wants to stop seeing me. I will probably be straight back on the apps and going on lots of dates as a distraction. I'm pretty tough after everything I've been through too.

It's hard to not have a little hope- I think sometimes it comes from him. Wanting to see me when sex wasn't on the cards, thinking about staying a bit closer to me for work and acknowledging we could see eachother more often. But realistically I know it's not going to change. If I could see him more often I wonder how I'd feel about the situation then.

@InTheTempest I had a similar thing with MrSAS. He was lovely and we had things in common and lots to talk about and I loved spending time with him but I knew he wasn't after a "relationship" as such. I kept seeing him as I could t bear to end it and thought I was ok with a casual thing but I wasn't really.

He eventually ended things a after 5 months as he could tell I wanted more then him and I am really glad he did as we would have still been plodding along now and I'd never have swiped on Mr Ad.

Sometimes you just have to rip that plaster off and start healing.

@SBD1 I can understand how you feel about Mr C. I have been with Mr Ad for the same amount of time and I care about him very much.
We've met each other's friends and he met my brother over the weekend but my kids don't even know there's a Mr Ad yet.
Their dad and I separated almost 2 years ago but I can't risk introducing them to someone so early on to then have to explain to them why he's not around any more if it doesn't work out. I know there's that risk any time but more likely at this early stage when you are getting to know each other.

Bumping into him is difficult but perhaps you could have just introduced him as a friend, had a quick chat and carried on with your DS.

My news. Haphazard swiping. Still chatting to mr sailor, calmed it down. But if you remember mr bee gees the moron who had a gf of 6 years. And I told her. Well he has now messaged me on 4 separate platforms every week or so to tell me he forgives me but what a bad woman I for telling her and I never asked if he was single. I've blocked on all ....but last nights message on pinterest of all places really pissed me off. Shes taken him back. Despite my terrible actions. Etc. What hes not realising or maybe is but hasnt figured out ...is that he sent me dick pics which i didnt tell her about....and I'm fairly sure she wouldn't have found it so easy to forgive his cover story after those. Considering putting a torch to his story. Basically by asking her to tell him to stop hounding me. Send her screenshots of his hounding. And mentioning that....the illicit photos he sent me suggested he was more than willing to meet. Some may caution that it's her problem now but seriously.....the man had every intention of cheating. Every single intention. And shes believed some hogwash and her he is still pestering me.

Sunshine I think this too- that the time I spend with him is potentially stopping me from meeting someone else... I don't know if I'm that bothered about a relationship with anyone else though... I don't even want anything really seriously with Mr Cath Fach... I guess I want to see him more often. Admittedly I don't want the sex to end cos it's so good 😂

@lifegoes Thanks

Got no shortage of potential suitors but need to shortlist

It was so much simpler at 18, a few drinks, nightclub queue, get talking to a guy, married him ...

Has anyone tried speed dating here? there's an event at my local restaurant this week.

@KermitRulesOk I guess it just reflected a confused feeling about me. I was ok with the outcome as I wasn’t looking to start anything as I just wanted to get to know her. Maybe that laidback approach was the cause of it in the first place ? May have to revisit multi-dating as I think it makes me more reserved.

As for how I’m feeling...wavy, still ! I know what I lost, still have feelings of loss 🤷‍♂️ Life goes on.

super I had to report an ex for harassment - he also contacted me on Pinterest - and made a whole board about me (totally outed myself now). I understand the wish to send her the pics but I think I wouldn't. Try and block him everywhere you can think of ....

@InTheTempest it sounds not dissimilar to me and mr U. We both had the feels quite badly but we both knew it could never last. We're both at totally different life stages. I could never have finished it, but he did. God knows how, he was pacing about my kitchen weeping. Whatever you do it will hurt; this was his argument. We end now or we end in 5 years which would be so much worse. Anyway try to enjoy it until it does end. I had just reached the point of not assuming it was going to end and not j oh very honking it and just accepting it for what it was when boom.

Thanks @HairyArsedMan the waves are coming thick and fast but I am a very strong swimmer. I have managed not to contact him since Friday. We weren't big on messages anyway, just a handful a day so I'm not missing that too much. His business is all over SM so I know exactly what he's doing. That's hard.

Not o very honking it. That was very the worst bit. 🙄

Sorry @SBD1 I do really struggle with your story. I can't quite tell if half of it is fabricated or you are so infatuated by him you can't see what's happening. But I don't understand why you have told so many family members about him and why you didn't just walk away with your son. You need to take a step back and think about your son.

@Peanuthedz I get the over honking! Or overthinking lol! MrTall and I messaged thousands of times and that left a gaping hole in my life. Have learned my lesson and hold back on the texting. I also don't take too much notice if MrMechanic doesn't message as he likes to message me long ones and waits til he has time to write and send.

@SBD1 I have a feeling that you're not going to be part of the thread anymore but if you decide to leave us just look after yourself and don't fall head over heels for what is a essentially a complete stranger. I realise I sound really patronising but I actually care.

@HairyArsedMan I still think about MrTall and what he's up to but we haven't spoken for ages and he's nearly disappeared now so all good. I find if I go to a date half arsed then I don't have a good time at all.

Missed some of the replies here, mad rush this morning.

Supercali I'm not bothered about having a partner- I'm quite happy being single. It would be nice for a bit more company when the kids are with their dad and things like that. I think it comes down more to the fact that I do like him. I thought I'd be safe on this one and not get feelings! 😂

Sunshine that's what I keep thinking too, that I'd be better off getting it over and done with. I don't know if I can though. Again I'm still in that post sex haze after Friday night and it will calm down later in the week.

Peanut that is true too, will sting a bit whatever happens tbh. We are also at different life stages but the age difference doesn't show, probably because I'm quite childish 😂

Ok. For now I'm carrying on. Although maybe should give a bit more time to Mr Hendricks and to tinder. Balance it a bit. And not allow any little hopes to creep in. Enjoy it for what it is. Hell I really should, how many years do I have left of being able to pull gorgeous 22 yr olds with bodies like his 😂

@lifegoes To be fair, my friends and family know about Mr Ad. I am very close to them and my parents always ask me what I'm up to at the weekend, etc so I don't want to lie to them and tell them if I'm going on a date. They have seen my dating Mr Ad progress to a relationship and are happy for me.
Like I said though, the kids don't know about him and won't meet him for a while yet because that's a different matter.
My friends and family can handle meeting him and the possibility of him leaving my life and I would want their support if he did so would rather they know about him.

I think your situation is very very different @Sunshineandflipflops this is her MIL that knows, her Ex etc. Her 8yr old knows the full details of him. That she loves him, this guy stays at her house when he's in bed etc Plus with yours I think based on his honesty and life, it's very important that you have that family/friends honesty as he's doing that with you.

@BatshitCrazyWoman Who knew pinterest was such a hotbed of stalkerish behaviour? I probably won't send her the pictures, but I am absolutely going to mention them. He doesn't deserve a pass. He didn't need to poke this bear did he?

And, Sorry to hear about your stalker situation - it sounds a lot worse than this - a pinterest board shudder

Yeah @InTheTempest I hear you. How often am I going to pull a man 15 years younger. I didn't even bloody want one that young. And I'm pretty immature I guess!

Trouble is it's put me off all the over 50 year olds with their big bellies and booze problems.

@KermitRulesOK Thanks, I will do - I'll report back at some point.