Dating thread 172: from developing a rhino hind to finding love in the unusual places...the rollercoaster of dating!

[CodLiverOil556]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item. 😘

Mr Copper has gone a bit quiet. Am trying to not pester and gone back to trawl Bumble but I do admit the dopamine kick of back and forth messages is a rush and it's hard not to seek it out.

Just keep reminding myself "i have dignity and self respect"

I hear you about that dopamine kick @nomore need an alternative that doesn't cost money and is good for my health

Hah @saltysally - telling me!

Could mostly just do with a shag though

Well that would solve both the swiping and dopamine problems. 😂 In the meantime 🤐

I could be seeing an iron on Tuesday I'll call Mr Tuesday but I'm focusing on non dating activities for the next few months, unless an iron properly gets my attention

Definitely get the dopamine kick thing. Back and forth messaging with Mr Cath Fach puts me in a good mood. We message every day and its like I'm hooked on it. Dreading when it's over for this alone.

I'm thinking next time I see him, I'm going to tell him that I've got the feels. Which will probably bring it to an end. Aaaargh I dunno if I can bring myself to do it 😂 I think to myself, I'd rather have this with him that anything else with someone else.

Right, Mr Tuesday's Bumble says he's at home. He has just messaged on WhatsApp says he's in Westminster? I haven't checked someone's Bumble location before. Could he turn the location tracking off?

Oh should say his home is not in Westminster but is within an hour

It will only update if he's been on bumble @saltysally ?

Oh that makes sense. Didn't know that Thanks @notcoolmum

Ha. And it just updated!

Least it wasn't my date 😂

Great update @Sunshineandflipflops! Pleased for you!

Mr Sash had to cancel our date tonight but had a reasonable (ish) excuse. I think I’ll give him one more go and then move on if it doesn’t work out... I can feel my anxiety rising and it’s just not good for me. I’d love him to come good but I don’t want to hang around waiting for him.

Oh @InTheTempest I just came on here to say something really similar!!
I've been messaging someone (need to name him) for a good few days- and it's been absolutely amazing!! I have got the serious feels!!!

We have set a date for a good while in the future because of holidays and kids. But it is in the diary.

It's obviously a risk of how much we'll fancy each other in real life, and also a question of how we can keep the messaging going for that long.

Hmm it is good though- for the few days we were messaging it was one or two plain and simple checking in messages in the day- then in the evening around bedtime some great chat which totally had my heart fluttering.

Can I ask what you guys tend to message about- especially when it goes on for a long time? Not too sure how it will continue. To start it was fun flirting, we broke down that barrier, arranged a date, admitted how much we like each other- and I'm not sure where it'll go from here.

Really enjoying it though- and thankfully not much anxiety at the moment- but I'm sure you'll all be the first to hear when there is!

My advice @eyebrowsofinstagram would be to try and keep it light until you have met. It's so easy to get caught up in the texting. You start to paint a potentially false persona in your head. That's one thing I've learnt from my own experiences and from on here, we try to advise meet as soon as you can. Understand you can't right now

But keep the convo light, getting to know each other style. Avoid talking about feelings until you have met etc.

Oh no @FMFL are you happy with his reasons tho? Is the anxiety more from previous let down?

Yeah @saltysally it only updates when they open the app.

@lifegoes absolutely from previous experience! The excuse is valid, but had he not spent all morning watching the rugby it wouldn’t have been an issue so of course I’ve leapt to the conclusion he’s not overly interested ... but then the poor guy is allowed to do whatever he likes! I really do need to learn to chill out but my anxiety weighs heavy on me

Did he arrange a new date @fmfl?

Not yet... possibly tomorrow but again can’t confirm until tomorrow afternoon. I am child-free today and tomorrow so I’m hoping he can make it... I feel like I’m just hanging around waiting . Again, he has his reasons so I feel like I’m being really ridiculous even thinking of cutting my losses, but this could be regular issue.

I do feel you @FMFL I suffer with anxiety and I don't like grey areas. Which I noticed really impacted me during dating stages. if I'm not sure how they feel or start to doubt what Is going on, I'd rather just cut my losses than find out (even if I'm wrong) and then of course anxiety jumps to all conclusions.

If it helps, I try to tell my mind to stick to the facts. So with this it could be, he's told you why he can't make it, he's hoping to rearrange another date. So try and wait it out you will know tomorrow. Then if the worst happens and he can't. You then can just say, ok. Well Ill leave this with you. Kinda message

I wouldn't put your day on hold for him tomorrow. Get something planned 😉

I was the last to reply to a message two days in a row with Mr Tuesday. Must pull back a bit. Though I'm not sure we are going to be a match personality wise so it matters less I guess. His interests in the arts including music are quite different to mine. He is coming across quite dark, but not in a humour kind of way. Shall see.

Eyebrows we were seeing each other for s month in feb/March. He ended it because we don't live near eachother and didn't get to see eachother much. Then he got back in touch in July and we have been texting literally every day since. I think there's one day in that time we didn't text. We see eachother too but not more often than every couple of weeks.

We just talk rubbish really 😂 general chat. What we're up to. Random pics as well. Sometimes sexting but more chat really.

It's because it's more than sexting that I will miss it so much 😩 I just really like him. I'm a fool, I know it.

Help more experienced people ... 7 months after my marriage ended I'm dating, (the marriage was on the rocks for years so I'm really ready!) What is the etiquette these days, don't want to appear desperate or too forward nor too reserved. Also how do you deal with adult kids at home, they are free to have their "friends" back so is it wrong for me to. It's far more complicated than when I was last single age 18!

Sorry @InTheTempest I'm sure I've spoken to you about this before, but I get confused with all the different irons with different posters. So apologies if I've asked this before.

How do you see each other now, if you don't live near each other? Is this a FB situation and you are now getting feelings?

Honestly @stucknoue I would just go with what feels right with you. Try to meet up as soon as possible if matched on OLD. Keep the rules at the start of this thread in your head at all times.

As for older kids, I guess it depends on your relationship with them. I would only invite back to my house if they weren't in. If gets more serious then I would obv have a chat with them.

Thanks @lifegoes that’s a good message to send if tomorrow doesn’t work out. I don’t want to spend even more time obsessing this week so if I have to send that message I’ll just archive our chat and if he comes back with something I can respond; if not, well, at least I won’t see his face every time I open WhatsApp!

Great idea @FMFL or you can send the message and just delete his chat and number 😉 (that's what I often do, to stop me checking) Plus you do not know yet. But you have a plan for any outcome now. X