Dating thread 172: from developing a rhino hind to finding love in the unusual places...the rollercoaster of dating!

[CodLiverOil556]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item. 😘

My thread on there was to do with OLD and people stating they want a relationship.

I keep getting told that "I'm not ready for a relationship" and I don't know whether they mean a relationship with anyone or just with me. 🤨

Hard to understand @LeekScene without the context. But it depends on how you feel and the issues behind why you are looking etc. Welcome btw

@saltysally. I wouldn’t date someone without kids myself while mine is school age as I don’t think they’d get that things change at short notice etc. But if I had adult children it wouldn’t bother me

So I’m currently messaging 2 men on Pof. One for a while and not met up with one thing and another. And a new one who I have a lot in common with etc. Anyway turns out they both work in the Same place 😂. And they are a similar age , I’m hoping they aren’t mates awks. Or maybe men don’t show people they like to their mates 🤦‍♀️ As we ladies do

@LeekScene. I get you and I think they put looking for a relationship to attract people in. The men who have looking for dating only etc will get a lot less interest.

@LeekScene Yes, I agree with @Jane1978xx
Also, I think if someone isn't really 'feeling it' with someone, it's easy to say "I'm not ready for a relationship" rather than be honest and say they aren't feeling it.
OLD is hard work!

Some people have been single a long time or are happy to be and they have this vision of the perfect woman sometimes or are looking for fireworks. Also some people are intimidated and it may be you are too attractive / clever / nice / independent for them 🤷🏼‍♀️.

@Sunshineandflipflops ah 2 months! @Notcoolmum not set another date yet but he definitely wants to see me again and I him. I'm away for a week now so will probably be next weekend now.

I agree with that @Jane1978xx I get told all the tine by Male friends. I'm seen as a challenge because I'm independent etc.

Thanks for the replies, everyone.

Yeah, it's possible to speculate about someone's motives and behaviour and drive yourself mad by overthinking... Doesnt change the outcome though, does it.

Onwards and upwards.

@lifegoes. Yes and it’s not always just someone’s look and personality it can be their lifestyle as well 🤷🏼‍♀️. For me someone could be super attractive and nice but if they sit on the sofa every night and all weekend they wouldn’t be for me

Evening peeps, hoping everyone is well. Looking for opinions on whether there are red flag a waving for this guy who messaged me on POF or whether my defences are harder than Fort Knox's and I need to take them down a notch lol. First message from a guy, 50 years old (I'm 40). His profile says he's widowed, has kids and is a surgeon. He's looking for a relationship, he's an open/honest man with a sense of humour, looking for a special woman etc etc. It also says (and this is the bit that got my radar going) - "It is very important she respects me, takes in account my opinion, appreciates my advice."

Having been with a controlling/abusive man for 20 years, this set me on edge.....ex always tried to give me unsolicited advice, said I didn;t respect him (of course not you're an abusive twat and his opinion was the only one that ever counted!

Thoughts?

@LeekScene. Do you approach people on old ? Maybe look outside Your comfort zone in terms of location, age, looks etc and see what happens

@scotgal2017. Hell no ! Don’t even go there , block him !

Have you been chatting to him @scotgal2017 if so what's he like.

Tbh that sounds more as he's having a dig at a woman he's dated before. So I'd be very wary.

I've seen men post in their bio, digs at women they have dated before. It's very childish

For me it's all about personality and intelligence @Jane1978xx We have to click on certain things. I'm not really that bothered about their hobbies or if they've been married or not before. I'm not one to judge people on their past as I would hate to be judged on mine. But I need that click on quite a few things and I can normally spot that through their personality

@scotgal2017 I would ask him why he said it. I would take it as a yellow flag.

@scotgal2017 red flag for me. Sounds like he has been burnt before and the person has not listened etc, valued his opinions but all sounds a bit controlling to me. He's already highlighting very specific things which would come normally to you and I. Why does he have to highlight it?

I agree with @saltysally, @scotgal2017, why does he think this is worth mentioning? I once asked a bloke why he needed to mention honesty as a necessary quality, and asked if he couldn't see the issue with specifically asking for women who were honest (that a liar would lie and say they were honest) and he unmatched. Clearly his communication skills were not up to my standards ;-)

Thanks guys, I haven't communicated at all with him, he sent me a private message on POF so I looked at his profile and the above blurb in my post was on it for all and sundry to see.

Think I'll give this one a (by)pass (he's a surgeon, get it hee hee! ). I'm near to giving up on OLD anyway, life is pretty shite at the moment and feeling I'm never going to find anyone ever.

Are you using tinder and bumble. I'm not a fan of POF @scotgal2017 but I have found bumble seems to have a better quality

@lifegoes Previously I have used (all at the same time)- POF, Bumble, Tinder, Match, Badoo amd a local dating site.

I uninstalled them all and now I'm back on POF, Tinder, Badoo and occasionally look at Match. Nothing happening on any of them except idiots, ghosters, players and liars it would seem.

@LeekScene i think its just timing and you have to stay positive. If you are getting dates, then online dating is working for you. It sounds like they just aren't progressing but could be for any reason. There are lots of success stories on here as well as lots of crappy ones. I've personally been single for 2 years now, and I sometimes wonder why it's not working for me. Several people here have reviewed my profile and say it's all ok. I don't really struggle for matches, it's just nothing really goes further than a first date. I just find it hard to have that click/trust with someone. I think as long as you find it all reasonably fun, keep at it.

@Jane1978xx thanks - appreciate it, but I do all that already.

Distance already set to 40 miles on Bumble, and 100 miles on Hinge!

Also going above and beyond my usual "type".

I live in a small, rural Market Town so distance will always be an issue, unless someone can work with that.

So Mr Ad met my brother this weekend. There have also been a couple of photos on Facebook so it's pretty official now!