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Original poster

He cheated. I messaged OW. What next

232 replies

Mybaby15 · 16/10/2019 18:47

DP works away a lot.
Got back at the weekend and was being weird. Checked his phone. Messages to another woman who stayed at his hotel room for 2 nights.
Confronted him. Admitted cheating. Kissing and other stuff but no sex. I believe this because I also messaged OW and she confirmed. She was horrified. He had told her he was single and no kids. Had a fake Instagram account with just pics of him and his mates and some travels.
He was sorry. Still is sorry apparently.
I can't immediately escape. I'm not sure I want to. I don't know what to do. I can't tell anyone. I'm just stuck in this awful limbo where I don't understand why he's not grovelling at my feet to make it all better.

OP posts:
rainbowlou · 16/10/2019 21:45

I don’t want to derail your thread but I was in a very similar situation, I messaged her after confronting him and she said almost word for word what he had said (nothing happened They swore!)
I stayed (more fool me) and gradually more and more evidence came out to prove more happened and also there were more women.
I’m a state of absolute desperate depression I embarrassingly messaged her again asking for further clarity and she clearly forgot the first version of their story as the second one was completely different!
Please look after yourself and put yourself first.
The fact he is out tonight speaks volumes Flowers

carly2803 · 16/10/2019 21:46

accrossthe pond speaks sense

OP isnt going to chuck him out - and frankly i would have his shit in bin bags now while hes out and stick a key in the door so he cango elsewhere

hes taking the absolute piss out of you OP, they absolutely had sex and hes got her to lie

either leave him- orchuck him out

rainbowlou · 16/10/2019 21:46

In a state!

HuntingCuns · 16/10/2019 21:47

If your daughter told you what you are telling us, what would you advise her to do OP?

This is a very good question.

feelinghelplesstoday · 16/10/2019 21:48

I'm so sorry you're going through this @Mybaby15 xxx

Butterflybea · 16/10/2019 21:52

He might not have had sex with her, but he probably has had sex with other women!!!

How he is acting speaks volumes, he doesn’t give a shit about you or his kids, he doesn’t think you are going to do anything about it!
He has you exactly where he wants you.......or does he?

Are you going to let him treat you like this?

bakesalesally · 16/10/2019 21:54

No, no, no, no, nooooooo

You are worth so much more.

Pack his bags. He is a Twat.

MissPepper8 · 16/10/2019 21:57

Has he got family? I'd kick him out, he's out tonight I think I read. Pack a bag for him, text him it's in the garage/out the front. He's locked out and to go stay with a family member or in a hotel.

He has obviously no respect or remorse for what he has done as a normal person with guilt would of stayed with you tonight.

I get a feeling you don't want him to go as you feel he will do it again, I think as he's planned this and gone as far as making an account you need to give him a short sharp shock that what he has done to you and your kids is not on and you will not stand for it.

I can't believe you let him go out tonight for drinks after all this, I would of been fucking fuming, after all hes done he doesn't give a shit. Get angry for you and your children.

Be strong op Flowers

Bluntness100 · 16/10/2019 21:59

Stunned you don't want this to be the end. What would it take op?

ReturnofSaturn · 16/10/2019 22:00

Wow this is shocking OP. Really really bad.

You need to leave, for the sake of your sanity. This man is not who you thought he was.

Napmum · 16/10/2019 22:00

DC won't thank you for staying with him! I watched my parents live in a love less marriage for years. I really screwed me up don't do it! He's out for work drinks? In which case get the locks changed and leave a packed suitcase outside. I understand that financially it might be hard but it will be worth it. If you have kids and it's his fault it is totally fair to get him to leave. As for the wedding surely you have some money put aside for that to get you through.

He's tried to bed more than the two you know about I bet you. He's set up fake insta account and he's been using it since April. He's also using women for his ego boost, he's messing people about and even if he didn't sleep with her the fact she met him at the hotel says he was thinking about it. The way he's treated you and this other woman is disgusting! Don't let him get away with treating people like that it'll affect how your children act in relationships too.

MarianaMoatedGrange · 16/10/2019 22:02

That's what gets me. The going out while OP sits in fear, anger and bewilderment.

Cheating men? 10 a penny but this is a whole other level of fuckery.

Wakeupalready · 16/10/2019 22:03

I'd doubt this is his only fake social media profile on Instagram or any other sites.
See what you can find re cross referencing followers , and use slight variations of his name on Facebook etc if he has it and check that too.
It's very deliberate creating this whole bullshit persona which I would find hard to get past, and believe it was only a once off.

I'm sorry Op Thanks

QueSera · 16/10/2019 22:04

@AnyFucker "Those screaming to ltb" ? Are you on the level, op. ? Your agenda just slipped out.

Agree.

HelloAgainYou · 16/10/2019 22:07

Please give OP a break. This will be a devastating time for her and she needs to process what has and is happening. She'll find her anger - I'm sure of that.

MarianaMoatedGrange · 16/10/2019 22:09

She'll find her anger - I'm sure of that

I'm not as sure tbh. I hope so.

Ginger1982 · 16/10/2019 22:10

What's the agenda??

If this is on the level, you're being a mug considering marrying this man. You need out of this relationship.

LIZS · 16/10/2019 22:14

Or is this reversed?

InsertFunnyUsername · 16/10/2019 22:18

Oh please, if a man's partner messaged me and informed me he lied to me about being single etc do you think I would reply to a "sorry we didn't have sex" text with because you didn't want me?? More like "Fuck you for lying to me and your partner"

Dont be delusional OP.

InsertFunnyUsername · 16/10/2019 22:20

And now hes in the pub. Wow what else do you need OP. I'm not denying it is hard to just get up and leave but is this how you pictured the run up to married life.

Thehagonthehill · 16/10/2019 22:29

So you tell your parents and his that the wedding is postponed because he spent the night in a hotel with another woman.Its not cancelled because they say they didn't sleep togeth.Then stand back because not one of the will believe the last bit.
Why can't you leave?You have money presumably saved against the wedding not yet paid so use that.Or is there a bigger story?

Shessobrave · 16/10/2019 22:30

I'm sorry if this hurts you to hear but if he's doing this now before you're even married, then the chances are that he wouldn't have gone through with the wedding anyway. You don't cheat on someone you want to spend the rest of your life with.....

Yes, some men cheat both before and after getting married but I doubt they genuinely want to spend the rest of their lives with their fiancée/wife. Some men just want a 'wifey/mother figure' to 'look after' them & the house whilst they do whatever they like....

You deserve a thousand times better OP. If you stay with him then no matter what you say to him to 'warn' him about the consequences of a repeat occurrence, it still at least subconsciously, signals to him that he can do what he likes and you'll always stick around. He'll just become a lot better at covering his tracks.

everytimerickysayscuntIlaugh · 16/10/2019 22:31

He's only going to do it again.

PaulHollywoodsleftbollockhair · 16/10/2019 22:32

I think OP is in shock and is processing this at the moment.

Am I the only one thinking of playing the longer game and marrying him if it financially benefits you and your children? Refuse to sleep with him and as soon as is opportune divorce him-all the while pursuing your own relationships outside of this one?

Someonesayroadtrip · 16/10/2019 22:34

The fact he decided to go out for drinks reads loud and clear how much he cares. Sorry OP.