WIBU to kick DP out for this?

[ConfusedStressed]

Its actually so petty i cant believe its esculated to this

DP got home from work and about 10 minutes later i decided to go to the shop. He was sat on my coat so i asked him to move as i grabbed it. He slowly slid himself off it so i pulled the last bit and said crossly "come on now" as he was still sat on it.

He asked me why i was being rude when hed been on his feet all day and i replied that it would of took him 10 seconds to stand up off my coat instead of sliding off it making it harder for me to get it

Then he says " i cant believe your going mad at me for being on my feet all day "

Manipultive as fuck. At no point before this did i go mad at him and at no point did i go mad because he'd been on his feet all day and im so annoyed that hes tried manipulating something so trivial into somthing it wasnt

He said at some point why should he stand up when hes been on his feet all day, i said it would of took 10 seconds i wasnt asking him to lift furniture or anything!

I was shouting by this point because whenever i pull him on stunts like this he doesnt look at me & i was furious because this isnt the 1st 2nd 10th time ivr asked him not to twist what i was saying

He said i was shouting in his face when i was a good 5ft away from him and i said do you realise this is why im so mad because im not shouting in your face am i?

Before anyone says im fully aware i shouldnt of been shouting, i lost my temper, ive had so many calm conversations im sick of telling him thatbhis behaviour isnt acceptable, im sick of being made to feel a bad guy because of his passive aggressiveness

Indont know if this even makes sense im still so cross about it but hes packed his stuff and left and i dont think i want him back here after this

How did I read it wrong? Honest question. Why was he sat on it anyway - it’s not exactly acceptable behaviour just to sit on someone’s coat

OP, you sound incredibly abusive, argumentative and short tempered. The screenshots of your messages are shocking.

He isnt your ex, stop waiting to catch him out.

women with serious low standards

Don’t you mean high standards? I expect a partner who will not lose their temper and shout at me over minor, petty inconveniences. Surely my partner should expect the same from me as a woman?

The people who are sticking up for the OP’s partner: did you read the bit where he said i cant believe you're going mad at me for being on my feet all day? Is that an accurate representation of what the OP was saying? No hint of a gaslight there to any of you?

it’s not exactly acceptable behaviour just to sit on someone’s coat

It’s a lot less harmful than going into a rage and shouting so loud your kids upstairs hear you screaming and are frightened by it. And do you think that is a proportional and appropriate reaction to someone not getting off your coat in ten seconds flat??

You both sound like hard work.

And I expect a partner not to gaslight,not to be passive aggressive, not to sit on my stuff or if he does to move when I ask him to.

He accused OP of cheating ffs and then backtracked with "heat of the moment", but he's a victim?

It’s a lot less harmful than going into a rage and shouting so loud your kids upstairs hear you screaming and are frightened by it.

You just made all of that up!

And do you think that is a proportional and appropriate reaction to someone not getting off your coat in ten seconds flat??

But this is the thing, after tugging on my coat i crossly said "come on now" which he twisted into " i cant believe your going mad at me for being on my feet all day" - at this point i hadnt shouted id spoke crossly,

I started shouting when he refused to look at me while i was trying explain that i wasnt "going mad over him being on his feet all day, i was cross becUse he wouldnt lift his bum up for all of 2 seconds

we have coat hooks in our house, maybe he was sitting on top of the coat hooks......poor bloke

OP, I have reported a couple of the scummy comments, particularly by limpydick. Don't worry, everyone decent on this thrad knows this man is a gaslighting prick.

I don’t agree he gaslighted. Come on. You’re being shouted at by someone overreacting and because you cannot verbalize exactly why they think they are shouting at you, you are gaslighting? No sorry, that’s not gas lighting.
Passive-aggressive includes aggressive....don’t see that. He can’t even look at her when she’s angry and he flees the house without even his money.
He DID move off the coat as soon as she asked him but it was too slow for her liking so she got angry.

So what in some other argument she thinks he accused her of cheating? We don’t know anything about that and how that went down. And her texting him the way she did was hardly reassuring as to her emotional stability.

i feel sorry for the children in this house....how about being single for a while !

Thank you for the supportive comments, i think i did the right thing tonight but i may feel differently tomorrow. I dont think ill be having him back because i cant keep having my words twisted, it stresses me out

To the posters who have said i am abusive, i really dont think i am, shouting is obviously not commen in our house otherwise it wouldnt of scared my DD & she woulsnt of come and spoke to me, i was shouting, not screaming, i was in the dining room and my children were in the front room,

Shouting is abusive and i was being abusive at the time but i am not an abusive person, i have shouted tonight because im sick of my words being twisted, it is not a regular occurance,

Thank you for the nice comments in hindsight i can see AIBU was not the best place to post but i was upset at the time so didnt think aboit it

OP, he is reacting to you trying to put boundaries in place...but think about it, what is happenin..are you fixing things? Are you feeling more settled and happier?

It seems like the arguments are getting angrier and impacting the children. There is no way this will improve as he won't take responsibility and I suspect you will just get angrier and then he can point to you and say "look how crazy you are".
Your children will hear you shouting and start to feel it must be mums fault.

I believe you when you say he is being abusive. He maybe better than your Ex but he is still not unhealthy.

Did you rush into this relationship? How do you feel about coping as a single parent?

@WhiskeyLullaby
You just made all of that up!

No I did not. See OPs post

ConfusedStressed Tue 15-Oct-19 21:26:47
I dont know what im going to say to my children. My eldest heard it and said it had frightened her and i told her i was sorry.

DoctorAllcome if you don’t agree he gaslighted (gaslit?) her, what is your word for ‘accusing her of saying something she didn’t say in order to reapportion blame’?

Are you 12??

Add message | Report | Message poster limpylegs Tue 15-Oct-19 21:21:20
caucho read it again you obviously didnt read it right. OP is completely overreacting.

Thats funny coming from someone with the reading comprehension of a gnat.

Such low standards all over the thread.

DoctorAllcome you clearly havnt read my comments

Those messages were from a few weeks ago, as you can see by time it was afternoon, it was weekend, he wasnt working, he had clothes on and had his bank card, he didnt flee the house

I dont think he accused me of cheating, he did? Which he apologised for 🤦‍♀️

Funny ive wrote this thread about words being twisted and here you are doing exactly that

ConfusedStressed, I don't get this: "i said it would of took 10 seconds", and you said it twice.
Later on you said: "im fully aware i shouldnt of been shouting", which also doesn't make sense.

You sound like a toxic pair, frankly.

I'd suggest you report this thread and move it to Relationships OP. Much more (sensible) advice is found on there, and less penis worshiping and their poor feet.

Now you've said:

"Funny ive wrote this thread ".

Er...not all that funny, just weird.