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Original poster

WIBU to kick DP out for this?

198 replies

ConfusedStressed · 15/10/2019 18:53

Its actually so petty i cant believe its esculated to this

DP got home from work and about 10 minutes later i decided to go to the shop. He was sat on my coat so i asked him to move as i grabbed it. He slowly slid himself off it so i pulled the last bit and said crossly "come on now" as he was still sat on it.

He asked me why i was being rude when hed been on his feet all day and i replied that it would of took him 10 seconds to stand up off my coat instead of sliding off it making it harder for me to get it

Then he says " i cant believe your going mad at me for being on my feet all day "

Manipultive as fuck. At no point before this did i go mad at him and at no point did i go mad because he'd been on his feet all day and im so annoyed that hes tried manipulating something so trivial into somthing it wasnt

He said at some point why should he stand up when hes been on his feet all day, i said it would of took 10 seconds i wasnt asking him to lift furniture or anything!

I was shouting by this point because whenever i pull him on stunts like this he doesnt look at me & i was furious because this isnt the 1st 2nd 10th time ivr asked him not to twist what i was saying

He said i was shouting in his face when i was a good 5ft away from him and i said do you realise this is why im so mad because im not shouting in your face am i?

Before anyone says im fully aware i shouldnt of been shouting, i lost my temper, ive had so many calm conversations im sick of telling him thatbhis behaviour isnt acceptable, im sick of being made to feel a bad guy because of his passive aggressiveness

Indont know if this even makes sense im still so cross about it but hes packed his stuff and left and i dont think i want him back here after this

OP posts:
cometothinkofit · 15/10/2019 20:44

He's a tosser. Tell him to fuck off and don't come back.

Rainonmyguitar · 15/10/2019 20:45

Shouting is never OK, I’ve been with my DH a long time and we’ve never raised our voices at each other. You’re relationship is not healthy and it’s not working!

Your own relationship doesn't sound healthy at all. I don't know anyone irl who hasn't had an argument at some stage in their relationship. Do you both just supress your feelings and emotions?

diddl · 15/10/2019 20:46

"I am amazed at people who allegedly never shout,"

Its easy not to when you're not married to an annoying twat or someone who deliberately goads or winds you up!

Original poster
ConfusedStressed · 15/10/2019 20:51

I feel a bit attacked in some of these posts which is why ive posted this as daft taht is wanting ti prove myself to strangers

WIBU to kick DP out for this?
WIBU to kick DP out for this?
WIBU to kick DP out for this?
OP posts:
Original poster
ConfusedStressed · 15/10/2019 20:53

I did post some of the messages but now i cant see them

OP posts:
WhiskeyLullaby · 15/10/2019 20:54

It's not working out. You're not happy. You don't even sound content. Hell,you can't even get a coat without it turning into an argument so what's the fucking point of it all?

It's not unreasonable to finish a relationship when it's not working anymore for whatever reasons.

Sotoes · 15/10/2019 21:03

He's an expert deflector. He will drive you insane. Get rid.

Greggers2017 · 15/10/2019 21:08

OP try hanging your coat up instead of leaving it on a chair. Not difficult is it?
5ft away is not that far away to be shouting. You sound OTT. Yes he was being an arse but you are worse than him for reacting like you did. Do you shout at your children when they are being annoying too?
I think you need to have a look at yourself and maybe seek some help as reacting like that is not normal.

lottiegarbanzo · 15/10/2019 21:12

Sorry OP, my coat rack comment was facetious. His sitting on your coat was silly. All that 'mardy teenager trying to wind you up and find things to resent you for' behaviour sounds shit. It's contemptuous and that is what you can happily live without.

cacklingmags · 15/10/2019 21:14

He was being a total passive aggressive bumhole and it sounds like since he has moved in that is who he has become. Its a way of controlling you so you don't know who you are or what's going on. Get rid of him before he undermines your self esteem - ignore these people going on about hanging your coat up or losing your shit. You are at the end of your tether with this git - show him the door and then slam it.

limpylegs · 15/10/2019 21:19

This reply has been deleted

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quincejamplease · 15/10/2019 21:19

Www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

Just because someone isn't as bad as an abusive ex, doesn't mean they're not abusive.

limpylegs · 15/10/2019 21:21

@caucho read it again you obviously didnt read it right. OP is completely overreacting.

IAmNotAWitch · 15/10/2019 21:22

Mate, you don't have to be in a relationship with him if you don't want to. You don't even need a reason.

Too hard, just dump him and move on with your life free from all the drama.

billy1966 · 15/10/2019 21:23

OP,

You are listening to your gut, that has been clearly screaming at you.

It's clear to me reading between the lines that he is not what you though he was.

He sounds like a nasty little man who likes to tease, gaslight and upset you, all the while saying it's your fault.

You are well rid of this loser.

Try not to be too sad.
You are a brave woman whose just cut an idiot loose.

💪💐

limpylegs · 15/10/2019 21:24

@rainonmyguitar Maybe the poster you've quoted has regular discussions about her relationship with her partner? I've never shouted at my husband. We discuss things like adults.

Original poster
ConfusedStressed · 15/10/2019 21:26

I dont know what im going to say to my children. My eldest heard it and said it had frightened her and i told her i was sorry. She asked where he was and insaid he had gone to see his friend. I dont know what im going to say to her,

Yes thats what i feel, he was so much nicer than my ex, i just wanted a happy family for my children. I didnt grow up with nice parents and i had followed their steps with my ex and wanted to get it right this time

I do shout at my children occasionally but ive to meet a parent yet that doesnt occasionally shout

This is a drip feed but i didnt mention it as i didnt want people to think i was looking for sympathy but i am seeking help. I go to weekly counselling sessions and i am on antidepressents,

I am trying to sort myself out and for the past few months i have worried i have just swapped an openly abusive man for a quietly abusive man

I moved us far away from my hometown and cut contact with all of my friends as i was paranoid ex would somehow find out where we were so i dont have many people to talk to about any issues im having as its quite isolated.

Thank you for the replies

OP posts:
limpylegs · 15/10/2019 21:28

This reply has been deleted

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Lllot5 · 15/10/2019 21:29

He shouldn’t shout at you or get in your face. But hang your coat up then he can’t sit on it.

justasking111 · 15/10/2019 21:30

When OH and I started living together we had some arguments but it was just two people getting used to living with each other. They say the first year is the hardest. So it may be this.

Where was he living before he moved in with you OP?

DoctorAllcome · 15/10/2019 21:31

Yes he was annoying you, but your shouting was a massive over reaction. If he’s been on his feet all day, they will hurt. Why were those extra 10 seconds of saved time if he had stood up so important? It was petty. And imho justifying your shouting by nitpicking his reaction to the shouting as not accurately stating to you exactly why you felt you were shouting is abusive. Sorry but that’s the truth. Most people when they are shouted at for no good reason get taken aback and are confused as to exactly why the shouter has suddenly gotten so angry.

He’s not perfect and could be more considerate. You also are not perfect and could be less paranoid and angry.

Original poster
ConfusedStressed · 15/10/2019 21:37

Those messages are from a few weeks ago Limpylegs, as i said this isnt the first time ive spoken to him about twisting what i have said

WIBU to kick DP out for this?
OP posts:
WhiskeyLullaby · 15/10/2019 21:37

Jesus the MRA's or women with serious low standards are out in force tonight.

He's been dumped and out of OP's abusive clutches so those worried about his well being and his poor feet can breathe a collective sigh of relief that now he's going to be able to rest without anyone asking him to stand up.

SpagBowl99 · 15/10/2019 21:41

YANBU. He was an arse and twisted it

diddl · 15/10/2019 21:43

" i just wanted a happy family for my children."

But that can be just you & them.

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