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Original poster

WIBU to kick DP out for this?

198 replies

ConfusedStressed · 15/10/2019 18:53

Its actually so petty i cant believe its esculated to this

DP got home from work and about 10 minutes later i decided to go to the shop. He was sat on my coat so i asked him to move as i grabbed it. He slowly slid himself off it so i pulled the last bit and said crossly "come on now" as he was still sat on it.

He asked me why i was being rude when hed been on his feet all day and i replied that it would of took him 10 seconds to stand up off my coat instead of sliding off it making it harder for me to get it

Then he says " i cant believe your going mad at me for being on my feet all day "

Manipultive as fuck. At no point before this did i go mad at him and at no point did i go mad because he'd been on his feet all day and im so annoyed that hes tried manipulating something so trivial into somthing it wasnt

He said at some point why should he stand up when hes been on his feet all day, i said it would of took 10 seconds i wasnt asking him to lift furniture or anything!

I was shouting by this point because whenever i pull him on stunts like this he doesnt look at me & i was furious because this isnt the 1st 2nd 10th time ivr asked him not to twist what i was saying

He said i was shouting in his face when i was a good 5ft away from him and i said do you realise this is why im so mad because im not shouting in your face am i?

Before anyone says im fully aware i shouldnt of been shouting, i lost my temper, ive had so many calm conversations im sick of telling him thatbhis behaviour isnt acceptable, im sick of being made to feel a bad guy because of his passive aggressiveness

Indont know if this even makes sense im still so cross about it but hes packed his stuff and left and i dont think i want him back here after this

OP posts:
Josephinebettany · 15/10/2019 19:38

I'd be thankful he's gone

Nicknacky · 15/10/2019 19:39

handbag Or you could just ask “can you get off my coat please?” Why instantly start yelling at someone you care about for a minor mistake?

TimeforanotherChange · 15/10/2019 19:42

Nicknacky She didn't instantly start yelling - she asked him to move and he behaved like a passive aggressive twat. And it wasn't a 'minor mistake' it was a deliberate wind up by the sound of it.

And honestly...who has time for a twat who wants to deliberately wind you up?

You're well rid, OP. When he texts saying 'sorry for being a cunt' text back, 'never mind, you obviously can't help that - but I don't want to go out with one. Let's call it a day'.

MarianneSolong · 15/10/2019 19:43

It's not respectful to sit on people's clothes. You move them before you collapse on the sofa after work. If you've omitted to do this, then you instantly get up when somebody needs their coat to get to the shop. You also apologise.

Nicknacky · 15/10/2019 19:44

time I was referring to handbags post which is why I tagged her. I wasn’t taking about the op although that was an over reaction too.

lottiegarbanzo · 15/10/2019 19:46

No-one should be sitting on anyone's coat. You need a coat-rack.

This guy does sound like a manipulative PITA.

You sound like you'd be happier without him. That's what counts, in the end.

borntobequiet · 15/10/2019 19:47

Dear God. Get shot of this manipulative arsehole.

limpylegs · 15/10/2019 19:49

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itsmecathycomehome · 15/10/2019 19:49

It just sounds like two people having an argument and failing to see the other person's point of view to me, nothing particularly abusive or manipulative about it.

He flopped on your coat and slid off it when you asked him to move, albeit slower than you would have liked.

To you, he could have stood up and moved quicker. To him, he was moving so no big deal.

You jumped straight in with an impatient 'oh come on now', which you think was reasonable but he thought was unnecessary.

He accuses you of shouting in his face. You concede that you were shouting but estimate that you were five feet away.

He feels it's all grossly unfair because he's knackered and has been on his feet all day. He asks why you're shouting at him for being on his feet all day, you're furious and consider this manipulative.

I don't know. I've certainly come home knackered and been in a slightly arsey mood. It's just nothing at all really is it? But yes, separate, because you'll always despise these traits in each other. Afterwards, you'll say that he was a gaslighting manipulator and he'll say that you had a quick temper. Do both of you a favour and end it now.

limpylegs · 15/10/2019 19:53

Yes @itscathy I agree with every word. It's time women stop labelling men as narcissists and manipulators at every farts end. One row and he needs to LTB. It makes me cringe. How do people like this even have children when they're so dysfunctional?

Juells · 15/10/2019 19:54

limpylegs
People wonder why women are described as hysterical and then you read a thread like this and you completely understand why.

Exactly! So many women have to live with abusive twats who are passive aggressive and gaslighting.

Courtney555 · 15/10/2019 19:55

People get that this is nothing to do with sitting on a coat....right?.....

There's a much bigger picture.

Ex DP and I, technically ended our relationship after a blazing row involving an incident as I unloaded the dishwasher. I would assume it goes without saying that we did not end our relationship because of the dishwasher Hmm

LucyAutumn · 15/10/2019 19:58

It sounds more like you've just described your insolent teenage son in your OP, not a grown up man.

limpylegs · 15/10/2019 19:58

@juells and lots of men have to love with women who escalate and manipulate. Yet the men are the ones who are labelled. Funny that.

TARSCOUT · 15/10/2019 20:01

I don't doubt he was being childish but maybe he was just having a laugh and being a pest. If my hubby did this I would likely be annoyed but I would just have gotten another coat.

nauticant · 15/10/2019 20:08

If you read the thread OP you'll see that not only has he manipulated you but he's succeeded in convincing people on this thread, as a result of your posts, that you're the problem.

DoctorAllcome · 15/10/2019 20:08

Agree with @limpylegs and @itsmecathycomehome

You dumped your coat on the sofa, too lazy to hang it up.
Ten minutes after he gets home you decide to go shopping (not an emergency or urgent trip)
He’s exhausted and just sat down on the sofa with your coat under him
You ask him to move (presumably it’s the only coat you own so you had to shift him to go out), he starts moving but not fast enough for you so you snap at him and start tugging on it.
He gets upset at your rudeness and asks why you are so mad
You explode and start standing there shouting at him- he feels it’s in his face because you’re technically looming over him, but you think you’re 5ft away (pretty damn close).
You accuse him of being manipulative and “rewriting history” completely ignoring the fact that his perspective is just as valid as yours.
He has packed and left...

I say good, lucky escape for HIM. No one asked to move should be verbally abused for not moving fast enough. And your comment that he did this “on purpose” to “upset” you is just an abusers weak excuses victim blaming them for their anger issues.

Juells · 15/10/2019 20:12

It sounds more like you've just described your insolent teenage son in your OP, not a grown up man.

That's it in a nutshell, LucyAutumn

limpylegs
and lots of men have to love with women who escalate and manipulate. Yet the men are the ones who are labelled. Funny that.

You didn't say anything about men being hysterical though, you went straight to women. Both sexes have people who are manipulative, controlling etc.. You did the old "and you wonder why people think women are hysterical" eyeroll "Women be bitches"

Wildorchidz · 15/10/2019 20:24

What are you going to say to your children about ‘daddy’? Did they hear the row?

MollyButton · 15/10/2019 20:29

He was nicer than your ex but still not nice enough.

think about doing the Freedom programme or similar (at least read the book) and rebuild your boundaries. You and your DC will be better as a unit on your own for a good while.

CAG12 · 15/10/2019 20:35

"Creasing your clothes is unacceptable" - youe household sounds super fun

lol

Caucho · 15/10/2019 20:36

I don’t understand this two sides stuff. If I read it right this bloke deliberately sits on a coat and then claims to be too tired to lift their arse for 5 secs due to being on their feet all day? There’s no two sides to this. Ok she shouldn’t have lost her shit but faced with such goady behaviour it’s difficult not to take the bait. Sounds like you can just boot them out. Don’t think twice. It will only get worse once he’s been there longer

diddl · 15/10/2019 20:40

"You dumped your coat on the sofa, too lazy to hang it up."

And he was too lazy to move it, sit elsewhere, or get his arse off it when Op wanted it.

Not Op's fault at all.

isadoradancing123 · 15/10/2019 20:42

I am amazed at people who allegedly never shout, surely its often a natural reaction, may not be totally perfect thing to do but most people do it,

Original poster
ConfusedStressed · 15/10/2019 20:43

Funnily enough we do have a coat rack, id kept my coat on as it was cold and took it off when DP came in, he was meant to go the shop but wanted to have a bath which is why i decided to go

I suppose it is classed as drip feeding but i wrote my original post in heat of the moment so didnt think to include things that have previously bothered me

My kids are the main reason ive told him to go. Any adult in their lives is a role model and i dont think someone who is constantly passive aggressive is a good role model. Neither is someone who shouts but im not normally a shouter,

There is far more to the picture than the coat, that was just the last straw. It wasnt even the coat it was saying i was mad at him for being on his feet all day. Its not what i said at all and its frustrating hes said that

I exploded when he told me i was mad at him for being on his feet all day and then wouldnt look at me when i tried to explain that that wasnt why i was annoyed at all,

And he didnt get verbally abused for not stabding fast enough, he was verbally abused for telling me i was mad at him for being on his feet all day.... what a ridiculous statement. I said above i shouldnt of behaved like that but i want to make it clear he wasnt shouted at dor not moving quick enough,

Because of my past relationship and the lies i am very paranpid about someonr behaving that way again

So as strange as it is i send myself a message when things have happened or if i want to say somthing but dont feel brave enough. I feel a bit attacked on these posts so im post them just to prove im not "mental or hysterical"

This isnt the first time ive had to speak to him about things and tonight was definetly the last straw. His behaviour has been an isuse for a while but because it is underhand it is hard to pinpoint a lot of the time

Thank you for the nice posts as im feeling a bit emotional tonight so the support has been appreciated

OP posts: