So my dp has just broken up with me on holiday..

[rhubarb39]

Can't believe I'm writing this.. On a foreign holiday and he's broken up with me..there is background but nothing I felt enough to get to this point.. There is no emotion from him, he knew he was going to do it but said 'we both needed a holiday'.. I'm feeling very lost right now

To me it reads that he doesn't want to be with you, but he doesn't want to hurt you, so you're all upset so he says things that will make you feel a bit better then starts with the but I don't want to be with you behaviour.
He just can't tell you it's done because he'll be the bad guy, you're supposed to slink away and not bother him.

OP this relationship is over. I have read all your posts on this thread and at no point have I thought that there is hope. Just a man who doesnt want to be with you telling you over and over. And you asking for more.

He is not a bad person for not wanting to be with you. Accept that this is the end, get through the heartbreak and move on.

When are you doing the Freedom Programme, op?

Or have you been too preoccupied waiting for him to call you to bother doing anything about it?

I have been following this thread OP because I was like you once upon a time (many years ago). I won’t regurgitate all that others have posted but I feel strongly that the previous abuse that you suffered at the hands of your ex has left deeper scars than perhaps you realise and as others have said, the Freedom Programme will help you enormously.

As hard as it is, I think you should cut him off completely. This push-me-pull-you situation is doing you no good at all.

Rain I mean I did what I said I was going to and listen to him.

The only reason you were able to listen to him, is because you chased him into speaking to you.

He left things open ended because he was trying not to hurt you. Not realizing that leaving it open ended hurts you more.

He felt bullied into calling you at a gas, and so now feels he has done his part. He told you it was over, and you kept pushing for more.

Please just let it be at this point. You ask what he’s getting out of it at this point, but I really have to question what you are getting out of it

I'm working/got my dd home/family probs.. I will look at the FP.
As I'll reiterate I wanted to hear what he had to say

I understand you have stuff on. But believe me looking at FP and doing it actually helps clear headspace for you. Even looking for 15minutes on Internet is a start. And you could order the book. Can get it as an e book too. Think of the time you've spent giving him headspace recently! I also think ( this might have been me too) you will be avoiding a bit as you are still resistant to him being abusive. But as I said even that's it will help you deal with past stuff.

I will. Thanks mspav

I think you need to me up face to face and sort everything out as final, whether that be separation or reconciliation, communicating over the phone clearly isn't working in this situation. You think things are looking up again and then back to square one constantly. It would really mess with anyone's head.

I think you need to me up face to face and sort everything out as final, whether that be separation or reconciliation, communicating over the phone clearly isn't working in this situation

Why? Why prolong the agony?

He’s so beyond clearly over it.

Shit like this is why men say women play games. Yes he sucks at communicating, but his actions say everything his words don’t.

Stop advising her to chase him!

I don't think I ever mentioned she should be chasing him  but if it was me, I would certainly feel like I needed closure after a three year relationship, not just ghosting each other like a set of teenagers. (not saying that is what you're doing op).

OP you have to just do what you feel is right and listen to the people around you in the real world. Not a single person on here knows your situation well enough to be advising (myself included). Good luck with everything

Suggesting she try to set up a face to face after a disastrous phone call and crap texts, is chasing him

Not keeping in touch after a break up isn’t ghosting

I just can’t understand prolonging the drama

IMO he’s waiting for you to end it, the cowards way out...

I’ve been in this situation before. And I can give you a virtual hug. I’m not gonna give you advise cos when you’re feeling like this it doesn’t matter what anyone says you are only gonna do what you feel is right. Just take care of yourself lovely.

I can understand why rhubarb wants a final ‘yes’ or ‘no’ and I think he has been giving her very mixed signals. Sounds like he kinda tried to get back together on holiday, and maybe even when they got back home (asking her to stay for tea etc) and has explicitly said on this call yesterday that he wants to try again so I cannot blame rhubarb for being confused and wanting some form of actual real closure. I think everyone is bold and decisive on the internet when it’s a stranger’s problem.

@rhubarb39 has he been in touch today?

All I keep reading is how everything was great and you just worked. Then I go on to read "but there was this...this...and this...but apart from those things we were all good" Then I read how crap he was on holiday and how your communication was never great. Open your eyes OP. The relationship may have been better than most, but I think you were and are seeing things through rose tinted glasses, love goggles or whatever. You were drowning in dick sand. You were dicknotised. Leave it be. It's a process. You'll get over it. Stop communicating though. It's hard but trust me one day you'll wake up and wonder why the f**k you cared so much.

@30Dontsayyouloveme
I think you just absolutely coined it.
OP. Move on. He has.

I'm sorry this was the outcome x

You ok rhubarb?

Hey @rhubarb39 are you ok? Have things progressed at all?