So my dp has just broken up with me on holiday..

[rhubarb39]

Can't believe I'm writing this.. On a foreign holiday and he's broken up with me..there is background but nothing I felt enough to get to this point.. There is no emotion from him, he knew he was going to do it but said 'we both needed a holiday'.. I'm feeling very lost right now

haplessharpie

Perhaps not but the question can still be asked.

So knowing you were waiting for his call, he managed to spare you 30 sec for a text. Unless he's an a&e doctor who got called in, I'm struggling to see why he didn't do what he said.
He's more bothered about himself than your feelings, def coward.

Good grief lass, just read your entire thread.

You were looking forward to a holiday for how long? He shit all over it, treated you like shit since and you're pining for him and waiting for him to throw you some crumbs?

Tell the fucker not to bother and block him. Wallow for a little while and move on with your life. He's a self indulgent dickhead. He doesn't give a toss about anyone's feelings but his own.

Seriously, read back through your thread from the beginning

I read this thread from the beginning but hands up I just scrolled down very quickly mostly stopping at OPs posts to get to the end. And it doesn't seem to have moved on. At all.
OP he said he would call. He hasn't. Are you missing his point?

He is enjoying keeping you on a string, isn't he? You keep saying you will listen to him, you haven't so far! If he cared about you he wouldn't be torturing you like this, keeping you hanging on for phone calls. Its so cruel! He isn't the one for you honey, gather up your strength, post him his stuff and block him. Don't settle for crumbs, unless you want him to end up despising you. I know it hurts, we've all been there, but time to rip the plaster off. One day you will look back and realise you dodged a bullet!

He’s not going to call
This shouldn’t be fixable

Hes told you it’s over

Bloody hell op, please stop it. I know how you feel but this man either doesn't care at all and doesn't treat you with the courtesy most people would treat strangers with or is deliberately hurting you and stringing you along. Your tolerance levels are increasing by the second where you forgive and accept all his bullshit.

What finally clicked for me with the guy I was seeing was when I realised (and told him) that I would never treat anyone like that. There was no need, all I wanted was clear are we still on or if for whatever reason he no longer felt the same, then it was absolutely fine. He kept coming up with legitimate reasons which I accepted because he knew which reasons I would accept (his kids) but caught him on a dating site. All needless lies. I still don't know why and it no longer matters.

Ok people need to go easy on OP. It sounds like this may be her first big breakup/heartache/one that got away type thing, it’s an awful shock. Sometimes you need to feel completely broken in order to start to rebuild. If the relationship was a case, the op is still in the stage of wanting to collect the pieces & put it back together. It sounds like she is being given the slow ghost & he is avoiding calling back because then he will have to deal with her emotions & feel bad about that. He is probably the kind of person who likes being seen as a good guy. Her emotions due to his behaviour don’t match with his persona. He doesn’t want to talk about the relationship or be talked around. He was quick to make it all the OPs fault when she “reacted” after being dumped (who wouldn’t) and it is better for him to ghost her & make it her fault for driving him away with her apparent neediness & emotions.

He was faking the intimacy. He had no intentions of moving in with her one day. This is the real him now. He would be the kind of person to have an affair, be secretive & untrustworthy. Because these people will avoid confrontation & being accountable at all costs. He can’t communicate because if he communicated his real feelings you wouldn’t want to be with him anyway.

I predict he answered the phone because he had another person around who quizzed him as to why he was screening his calls.

Vase* not case

Also did you go to his house uninvited much Op? Is it possible he chose to break up on holiday to avoid you rocking up emotional uninvited at his house & springing him with another woman? His avoidance to move in only means he did not want to be truly exclusive with you. It hurts so bad I know. The rejection feels so awful when you really like who you thought that person was. But the guy you loved who supposedly knew you so well would not have treated you this way. He has no respect for you. I don’t think you would have trodden on his heart the way he has done to you.

Are you sure theres no one else op? Hes acting very much like a bloke with an OW on the go.

I'm so sorry you're hurting

It is true that statistically men do not leave unless they have somewhere else to go, or in close pursuit of the next soft place to fall. Or they want to just fuck randoms. Either way his lack of communication about his wants, inability to commit to moving in & ghosting does suggest there is someone else on the go. People don’t usually surprise their partner on holiday by breaking up. Something is not right with this person. There will be a hidden truth & I believe what the OP fell in love with is his persona. It is also possible he has in his own way tried to communicate his desire to break up & the OP keeps trying to talk him around, as it is very frustrating when someone won’t hear your “No” so there is a chance he could be avoiding her due to not wanting to be coerced into trying again...but there is a high probability there is some other person waiting in the wings here.

Op take this time to treat yourself & practice self care. Break ups are hard. Urge you to visit CHUMP LADY she is awesome, her site has helped countless women xox

Please visit chump lady because she will give your head a good wobble! Right now you are being a chump, thinking how you understand him best, if you can just communicate surely he will see how perfect you are! He is silent because of his issues, his past & only you really get him. He doesn’t care. He isn’t thinking of you or in any anguish. He couldn’t spare you 2 mins out of his busy day to call you back like he said & put you out of your misery. You need to get angry & embrace your anger, let it fire you up & hell you move forward. But right now take time to be kind to yourself & allow yourself time to absorb this shock. Promise it gets easier, this is the worst time but you will feel better soon xo

Your friend is wrong OP. There is no benefit of the doubt to give him. He looks like a bastard, acts like a bastard, smells like a bastard ... You don't want a man like that and the man you loved has well and truly gone.

I'm exhausted and wish all this was a bad dream and that I could just have the man I love back😢

The 'man you love' turned out to be a horrible person. Please don't go back.

I disagree with a lot of PPs, I don't think he's got OW or being deliberately manipulative. I just think he's frightened by the beast he's unleashed - seeing Rhubarb desperately upset and frightened and then cold and trying to be sensible on holiday. He wants to forget that she's got needs and wants and is an autonomous being, he wants his pliant, agreeable girlfriend back but without making any concessions.

He's not in communication because he's hiding. He's afraid, like a little boy, that 'mummy is cross' and doesn't want to face up to what he's done, but he's enjoying having the time to himself to lick his wounds (self inflicted, but still...) and pretend that he's the wronged party.

He broke it. He may well want Rhubarb to fix it for him. But it's broken. whichever way you look at it.

Just my gut feel about the whole thing.

Dontnwait around for the sad, but inevitable finale. Just don't. And, never forget the pain he caused you. If you have even a shadow of doubt as to the material he is made of, remember what he did.
If he did it once, he will surely do it again because he has the capacity t0 do so.
You will be losing nothing to continue your life without him.

Maybe Rhubarb's DD hasn't met him? Or her friends?

Seriously OP , you need to give your head a wobble, all you’ve done since you’ve been back is rewritten in your head what happened and acted like a doormat who is desperate to have him back at any cost .

How are you getting on OP?

Don't let the ball remain in his court like this. Take back some agency and some self respect. I know you're hurting OP we have all been there I'm sure.

But trying to get him back to stop the hurt isn't worth it. He's already expressed what he wants and what he wants presumably isn't you, otherwise your holiday together would have gone beautifully and you would still be in a relationship. He has broken up with you and not only that, lead you along by saying he'll call and he doesn't.

Cut the ties now. Do a Bridget Jones and cry alone drinking vodka and eating chocolate but by all means don't follow after this man child like a sick puppy needing attention. You'll only end up even more hurt in the end or worse yet, he'll use you for casual hook ups by playing on your emotions.

Throw the trash out and start anew!!

At least you have clarity now Rhubarb. In a few months you will be happy again and be glad you moved on . Only time will heal be kind to yourself you are worth it x

Rhubarb doesn't have clarity though. He's supposed to be phoning her today.

Hello,

First post on this thread but to summarise what I've read:

• Boyfriend comes with you on the holiday you've been massively looking forward to for ages, having a very stressful job, and heartlessly breaks up with you way halfway through said much desired holiday.

• This break up comes as a surprise because as far as you're concerned it's been a happy loving relationship for the past three years, which ultimately means he's been hiding his negative feelings from you, leading you on instead of being an adult and talking them through.

• As soon as he's pulled off the plaster and ruined your holiday, he treats it as a fait accompli. Everybody needs a chance to talk through, on their terms, what has occurred, to get some form of closure and help them accept what has happened. He simply shrugged it off as "we've already talked about this". Which is selfish, uncaring and quite frankly childish.

• When you do finally get a chance to talk it through, he pulls up loads of irrelevant gibberish about your ex, who is largely out of the picture. Quite frankly Rhubarb, if I had an ex that required a restraining order, my partner's only concern in regards to it would be protecting me from him. That is the normal response when you love someone: not making it all about themselves and their insecurities.

• Getting home, he doesn't tell you that he's cancelled the ride home from his dad. This is shitty. Break ups are horrible, especially when you don't know what's going on. Instead of letting you worry and panic about seeing his father he should have told you immediately that he had arranged a taxi instead.

• After a three year relationship and parting ways at his home, he doesn't have the decency to check in on you a few days after you've returned. At this stage of my reading I'm completely unsurprised. But a text saying "Hi Rhubarb. I'm just texting to check in and make sure you're alright? I'm so sorry it happened in this way, I didn't handle it very well, but it's for the best and I hope you'll see that in time. Ex" would have gone a long way for you by the sounds of it.

• Then, knowing you're very upset, he ignores your text and call (and you weren't nagging him, you had waited a week to message). He then messages promising to call the next day and doesn't. Total shitbag. Anyone decent would assume you were sat there nervous staring at your phone all day - to not keep his promise to call is disgusting behaviour.

• So, in summary, he's ruined your much-awaited holiday, broken your heart, refused to give you closure and is now playing chicken with his promises.

Rhubarb, reading what you've written, I can already tell you can do a lot better than this knobhead and he does not give one iota of a sht about you going forward. Take his call today, make it clear he can leave your belongings at your office/workplace (if appropriate) or drop them off to your home entryway or even garden while you're at work. Then archive your messages with him and do not speak to him again. And if a few weeks he comes back begging tell him to fck off.

Cator