Husband slept with sister-in-law before we met

[Cleopatra88]

Hey everyone! Need your help!

So... I met my husband (let's call him Tom) 3 months after he had this "2-night-stand" with an older woman (let's call her Claire). One month into our relationship, he ended up setting up this woman with his older brother (let's call him Peter) without my knowledge. Turns out his brother was looking for love and he thought they would make a good match. His brother knew from the beginning that Tom had slept with Claire.

I met Claire for the first time at a family gathering when she came with Peter, as a couple. At this point, I did not know that she slept with Tom (my now husband). I immediately knew something was off- the way she looked at me, the way she looked at my husband. When I asked, he confessed to having slept with her a few months before he met me.

Anyways, so long story short, Claire and Peter ended up getting engaged 6 months into dating and married a year after meeting. I feel awkward at every family gathering. I just can't help but feel this enormous breach of privacy she's seen my husband naked and did sexual things with him! I know it was all before we met but I just can't seem to get over it :(. I know it's Peter's wife now but having to see my husband's one night stand at every family gathering is getting to my head.

I've been driving my husband nuts about it this seemingly never ending conversation about my discomfort. I know I need to let it go, but it's just so awkward... Maybe I'm too conservative or sensitive I don't know.

Would you feel uncomfortable in my shoes!? Am I crazy?!

Can you show me where you have objectified the men in this situation.

"Depends how memorable the cock was grin."

I cant help wonder if OP actually married him because she felt like she was in competition with the sil (she wasnt but maybe felt like that) and became more focused on 'winning' rather than focussing in wether she could cope with this long term.

I suspect you're right.

You have compared the SiL to a car and described her as a possession passed from one man to another. Where have you described the men as things that are owned JustWonderful?

You have compared the SiL to a car and described her as a possession passed from one man to another.

No, I haven't. You clearly have no grasp of irony or sarcasm. The car comment was irony/sarcasm at the situation in which one brother introducing a woman he's had sex with and whose sexual performance, for lack of a better word, he's familiar with, as a romantic prospect. I found it to be inappropriate and nearly blackly funny.

The same with any use of the word pass including the pass the parcel reference.

And, most importantly, i would find the reverse situation with sisters "referring on" a casual sexual partner as a relationship prospect similarly blackly funny and inappropriate.

There are millions of people out there, FFS don't shag the same ones as your siblings.

And in case that wasn't clear, if I was discussing two sisters doing this, I would be similarly sarcastic and just as likely to use the phrase "here you are lass, I've test driven him for you" to express how inappropriate, icky and blackly funny I find the situation.

It is possible to be ironic/sarcastic while objectifying women which you have proved. Do you think you may have a bit of internalised misogyny there JustWonderful?

I haven't proved anything, or rather you haven't; which is what you really mean.

If that were the case then I clearly have internalised misandry as well. Actually I have neither, you're just full of crap.

So because she wanted a relationship with him AT THE TIME, you now think that she's still infatuated with him??

She can't have even been that infatuated with him at the time, because if she was she wouldn't have ended up with his brother, also if she was that infatuated with him back then then your husband wouldn't have set her up with his brother because he wouldn't have wanted to keep her around.

Most of us have had crushes or would have liked things to progress with a man at a certain time, but that doesn't mean you stay that way forever or always hold a candle for them. The vast majority of people get over short flings pretty fast. There's threads on here all the time with women who are ghosted after a short while with a man, they express some upset because they would have liked it to go further, they certainly don't seem infatuated, it's just a normal response to be a little bit sad when something doesn't progress, there's no reason at all to think that those women will remain infatuated with him as time goes on!!

I'm not sure she's entirely wrong; sil displayed so much discomfort/tension/unspoken antagonism (?) on first meeting op that op was driven to go and seek an explanation from her dp, and her instincts were correct.

Firstly that was years ago. Even if it was the case then, it is unlikely to be now.

Secondly maybe it was general uncomfortableness because she knew the OP didnr know. Or maybe op picked up on her discomfort and added the rest in herself as she has spent years going ove and over it.

Maybe she was uncomfortable meeting the woman he did want a relationship with when he refused one with her. Even if you dont have feelings for people, anymore that can still knock your ego.

@Funnyfemale purely because female is in your username.

I wouldn't be ok with a partner having contact/seeing someone else he'd had sex with, regardless of them now being married. But then i wouldn't ever date someone who slept with any family member either, its just weird.

@SunshineCake ah, is it a case of "methinks the lady doeth protest too much"?

I have no idea what you are on about.

You said grow up as your comment which I thought was pathetic then I explained why I posted what I did. That's it.

You said you questioned my gender. It's fairly easy to understand.

Hi! I need help I am losing my mind here please give me honest answers what would you do if you were in my shoes

    I recently find out my husband use to sleep with his stepsister who is still part of the family she’s 21 his 22 and I am also 22 so we are all close in age they are very close they talk on the phone for hours , she even comes over to my house when I am not there. I did talk to my husband about this and he said is something that happen couple years ago so let it go and I am losing my mind I just don’t know what to do. He wants me 2 just let them hang out without me being there I just don’t know what to do guys any advice will help

It would be better if you started your own thread about this. You’ve posted on a really old thread. Do that and you’ll get a much better range of answers. Click on the start new thread button at the top.

I understand this. It’s the way he handled it when he met the OP that has caused the problem. It’s made it still seem like a live issue rather than in the past. He was evasive about the details and it has made OP feel like there might be secrets— time has become jumbled up and, coupled with SiL’s weird look— it probably feels like there’s something going on now rather than then. It doesn’t feel like it’s ended as an event in the same way other exes do.

I know this because my DP has one woman he’s friends with and he slept with once a while before we got together. He was evasive about the details in a similar way, and also then when I met her she gave me the similar odd looks. While I know we are happy and that he’s faithful and has other exes around etc this one gives me a bad feeling as it has an unfinishedness to it I can’t understand. Almost certainly caused by how he originally handled it.

YABU for using 'let's call him/her..'

We know you're not going to use real names. You are not telling a story to a 5 years old, so let's not use that phrase!