Husband slept with sister-in-law before we met

[Cleopatra88]

Hey everyone! Need your help!

So... I met my husband (let's call him Tom) 3 months after he had this "2-night-stand" with an older woman (let's call her Claire). One month into our relationship, he ended up setting up this woman with his older brother (let's call him Peter) without my knowledge. Turns out his brother was looking for love and he thought they would make a good match. His brother knew from the beginning that Tom had slept with Claire.

I met Claire for the first time at a family gathering when she came with Peter, as a couple. At this point, I did not know that she slept with Tom (my now husband). I immediately knew something was off- the way she looked at me, the way she looked at my husband. When I asked, he confessed to having slept with her a few months before he met me.

Anyways, so long story short, Claire and Peter ended up getting engaged 6 months into dating and married a year after meeting. I feel awkward at every family gathering. I just can't help but feel this enormous breach of privacy she's seen my husband naked and did sexual things with him! I know it was all before we met but I just can't seem to get over it :(. I know it's Peter's wife now but having to see my husband's one night stand at every family gathering is getting to my head.

I've been driving my husband nuts about it this seemingly never ending conversation about my discomfort. I know I need to let it go, but it's just so awkward... Maybe I'm too conservative or sensitive I don't know.

Would you feel uncomfortable in my shoes!? Am I crazy?!

If you get this worked up over a ons how would you cope with an ex wife?

I have a past as does dh. It’s just that, a past. You do indeed need to get over it.

Not harsh OP, folk are trying to help you.

I get why it’s a bit uncomfortable but you’ve got to let it go - it’s irrelevant history.

These days, with us having sex with many partners before settling down, its a surprise that it doesn't happen more often. Find something important to worry about.

Ask her out to lunch or for a coffee. Once you get to know her more fully as a person you'll stop thinking of her so superficially. You are fearing the unknown.

How long have you been together? Are you like this at rhe thought of his other previous partners?

I can understand a bit of awkwardness to start with, but this is just extreme, maybe you need to seek counselling.

It would be a total non issue for me. My sense is that this is flagging up something for you about jealousy that may benefit from a closer look.

This must be into the years now op?

Wow! Some people are being harsh to you OP.

Yes that's a bit weird. I would definitely feel uncomfortable too. My imagination would be going crazy. I know my husband has a past and has slept with other women just like I have a similar colourful past but I wouldn't like to see one of them regularly and wouldn't want my DH to see someone I had slept with either.

Easier said than done but try to not let it bother you. He's with you. He chose to be with you. This ended before he even met you. Don't let it ruin your marriage.

What a weird thread

She isnt reminded of your DH balls when eating cherry tomatoes at these gatherings dear

Could always suggest swapping husbands for the night so your not missing out

I had a short fling with my Dh brother before I started seeing Dh. I had known both of them for a few years. We were married for a few years before Bil settled down and married his wife. I have no idea if she knows the history since I have never spoken to her about it. It was slightly awkward between bil and me initially but his then partner was cool with it and we frequently socialised with them.
For what it’s worth I picked the right brother.

It is a bit weird but it's not the end of the world, he clearly isn't into her at all since it never went further than 2 nights and he happily set her up with his brother

I should imagine he thinks she's a nice woman, hence introducing her to his brother, but no real spark. He has a spark with you instead. I try not to imagine people's sex lives as it makes me feel a bit icky.

Surely by now you can move on and focus on getting to know her as a person in her own right.

She isnt reminded of your DH balls when eating cherry tomatoes at these gatherings dear

Cherry tomatoes? I hope they don't remind her of his balls

I’d raise a eyebrow about it but wouldn’t care after throwing a few strops....BUT if I was Peter, I’d be dying, how he can Mary someone whose shagged his brother I will never know!

Love the fact you point out she is an older woman

OP were you a virgin when you got married?

If not ,are you hankering after every man you slept with? If yes, then you have bigger problems. If no, why are you being so judgmental of your DH?

Claire just likes to keep it in the family, maybe warn fil

At what point did your DH tell you?

Just noticed the breach of privacy comment cause she's seen your husband naked. Are you having a laugh?

I kind of feel a bit sorry for this other woman. She chose the wrong brother to sleep with but through doing that she found love and happiness but has to see the guy she slept with at every family gathering. I think that shows how little those 2 nights meant to her. She must feel so awkward too. She's probably looking at your DH and thinking "oh god no! That guy saw me naked!" I know that I would feel awful if I had slept with my BIL before my DH and I met.

This is really strange. What brother sets his own brother up with a woman he has slept with? What thought process goes through his mind. Hmmm Claire isn't quite right for me, but i think she is ideal for my brother. Beyond weird! I'm not surprised you feel a bit strange.

Get some help OP ... you’re deranged ... everyone has a past!

YABU as it was before you but I would feel exactly the same in your situation!

I would try and play it cool though