DH told me never to cook for him again

[Mummyonthebus]

This evening. He said it isn't worth the hassle (kitchen is not pristine when we sit down to eat- it always gets cleared up straight afterwards). Also the steak wasn't made to his liking.

For background, I have a toddler and a baby and sleep deprived. Everything is overwhelming and I'm doing my best. Just felt like a kick in the teeth.

How would you respond?

He should be making sure your fed, not the other way round. And clearing up. What are you getting out of this? He sounds shit.

I can’t believe his nerve. My husband wouldn’t dare say something like that because he respects and loves me.

Don’t you dare cook anything for your ‘d’h again!

That’s fine. But of course if he cooks only for himself, he needs to shop for himself and clean up after himself. And if he doesn’t; shove it all in an ikea bag next to the bins.

I hope you don't ever cook for him ever again!

I would be tempted to mock him every now and then with comments like, "So what is my very own Aiden Byrne making tonight?"

Are you scared of him, OP?

Don’t cook ever again and stop doing all of the other domestic chores too. You should be splitting the work 50/50. You are a full time mum to two very small children. How can you possibly be expected to do everything else too?

I really wish there was an easy way to do a role reversal for a week. There are so many dickhead men who seem to have no appreciation of how hard it is to look after young children.

Feel like an idiot usser 14 and everyone else. I was doing everything else and being a mum to two small children. He worked so he said he couldn’t do anything else. He told me I was ironing wrong, I had to undo the buttons first (I thought I was being tough by refusing to undo the buttons! What rows that caused. ) and cook - he had to have this, oulnt eat that. Wouldn’t let me know he wasn’t hungry, had to have something different to kids...it’s only now I read this and other threads That im realising just how I’ve been treated. ( and am still denying it!) I felt rubbish and a failure for Years because he was on at me to get a job and when I did it wasn’t good enough. I lost confidence and became depressed and confused and didn’t know why.....so yes, refuse to cook and learn the bugger or this attitude will spread to other areas, I’m sure.

It's definitely time you stopped doing all the household chores. He sounds like an absolute dick.

Let him cook for himself and if you do the food shopping/meal planning don't include anything for his individual meals. Account for the meals you intend to cook for the rest of the family.

If he wants to be dick then he should plan, purchase, cook and clean

mathanxiety, you may be right. I read the OP's post as sad and angry which makes perfect sense. I then read the gung-ho posters and think that they're being disingenuous because how, if you have children watching your every move, would anybody think it was healthy for them to witness their parents acting like this. It would be loathsome of both parents.

I hope that you're correct and OP's husband does realise what he's said and the impact - and take sincere steps to put it right. My husband doesn't cook - ever - he appreciates everything I ever cook, however dire it is, because it's better than he does(n't) do. If he said to me what the OP's husband said, I'd leave.

Sometimes the 'kick in the teeth' is too much to bear.

When an incident like this happens, you wonder if it's worth trying to explain sleep deprivation and the demands if a baby and toddler to someone who has apparently not noticed anything that is going on at home for many months except the state of his steak.

That was my x. He didnt care that i was struggle to run a creche, restaurant, hotel, one woman one punter brothel. Being single is so much easier.

My father did this to my mother many years ago, saying "a couple of poached eggs and some boiled potatoes will do me." So that is precisely what he got for two weeks... he also got constipation which may have been the reason for the apology. He never did it again. My mother was a great cook, who had people fighting over her cakes and pies at church bazaars... I wish I could do her roast beef.

He won't be cooking for the family of course, he would just cook for himself.

Slight correction - he will be meal planning for himself, shopping for himself, cooking for himself and cleaning up after himself. If he chooses to kill himself living on frozen pizza or the like then that’s his business/problem.

CampingItUp Beano nosh up. That is EXACTLY the image I had in my head when I read the OP's description!

On our tenth wedding anniversary I said to my DH that being as I had cooked every meal for the 'first ten years' it was his job to do it for the next ten. Hell's teeth you should have seen his face! He does his fair share and more of everything else though.

Agree with a PP there must be a factory churning out these total knobbers. The more I read on MN the more I despair.

Ooh can relate.

My initial crime was not ironing his shirts correctly, or as he would say to his standards. Needless to say that was the last time I bothered. He had all the DC school shirts from then on too.

In my case it was just the tip of the iceberg as it turned out pretty much everything else I did needed improvement.

He's an Ex-H now. Shock.

Back in the early sixties when my Mum had 3 DC under 5, no help with childcare as family lived miles away and a DH who worked shifts, my father complained about the way my mum had ironed his uniform trousers. She never ironed any of his clothes again for the rest of their mainly happy marriage. He never made the mistake of complaining about any meal my Mum made for him.

My dp had a hissy fit this morning because I folded up all his clothes instead of hanging them in the wardrobe (tshirts and a few jeans).

Guess who's not doing anymore sorting out and putting away anymore.

My husband loves a casserole and dumplings, a dish I was happy to cook occasionally. One day, some years ago, he complained about the dumplings and said "they weren't as good as the ones his mother used to make" I haven't made a dumpling since and I never will.

I used to spend three hours making a roast dinner on a Sunday for the family to enjoy. One week exh said, I don’t want mine. I never cooked a Sunday roast again.

It was also the beginning of the end with exh gradually removing himself from family life.

I remember my DM telling me the tale of when, many years ago when they were newly married, my DF came home from work and saw my DM cooking tea and said "Oh God, not bloody fish again". He ended up wearing it!

Don't think he ever complained again about her meals in the 60 years they were married.

@ RueCambon

He didn't want fish again. The horror!

Maybe it is time for DS to start cooking.

Well lucky you. I'd take it literally

I would never cook for him again. He sounds like a complete knob. I'm guessing this isn't the only issue with him?

Never cooking dh a meal ever again doesn’t help though, does it? OP will still have to cook for herself and the children, whilst dp gets to enjoy whatever he fancies, probably at inflated cost if it’s ready meals. It just means the dp will be even more entitled and spoilt.

Wouldn’t it be better to stand up to him and tell him that it’s not on, that you are a team and he needs to respect the family and the OP. Rather than the passive thing of not cooking or not cleaning/ironing etc. That’ll show him (no it won’t!).