DH told me never to cook for him again

[Mummyonthebus]

This evening. He said it isn't worth the hassle (kitchen is not pristine when we sit down to eat- it always gets cleared up straight afterwards). Also the steak wasn't made to his liking.

For background, I have a toddler and a baby and sleep deprived. Everything is overwhelming and I'm doing my best. Just felt like a kick in the teeth.

How would you respond?

If it was a one-off bit of bad-temper... he will apologise heartily and very soon!

If it is a way of undermining you and putting you in your place then you can expect more of the same. Is this part of a pattern of his behaviour?

The advice above is good. You are worth more than this. It is a good sign that you have written on here; this suggests that you know he is wrong to behave like this.

That last meal WOULD be his LAST meal cause he'd be headed to his execution! 🤣

So you are to be denied the privilege of cooking for him ?
Spend yur afternoon composing a 'Thank you' card.

Have an evening with a friend. Leave a list of children's routine, supper, bathtime, bedtimes, what he has to do and when.

Leave the house at 5ish. Come back around midnight; tell him that if you're sick he'd have to that and more every day, so he'd better learn how to while you're still able to stand.

Selfish arsehole.

It astounds me that in 2019 so many men think adding a house, wife and kids to their lives = less work for them. Just work 9-5 and the magical house skivvy will do everything else

My reaction would be something along the lines of a film I watched as a kid where the wife served her husband a tin of dog food warmed up on a plate and passed it off as a casserole... Shirley Valentine maybe? Then she fucked off to Greece and met someone else.

Not much help I know.

I didn't prepare dinner for DH - instead ate with the kids. DH has just come in and is cooking himself a sumptuous spaghetti Bolognase as I had eaten all the healthy fast food that was in the fridge for lunch

Make sure if he makes any leftovers for tomorrow that you and dd eat them for lumch.

Are you happy with this because it sounds sad and he sounds petty.

Is he going to clean up the kitchen after himself?

Result.

Make sure he tidies up after himself. Has he said anything to you, offered you any of the food?

At the risk of being a boring sally-bring -down I think you really should sit down and talk to your DH about this, explain that he hurt your feelings and you need him to start appreciating all the work you do.

Carrying on doing tit for tat one upmanship will ultimately destroy your relationship. Talk to each other.

Well yes, i suppose OP could do that the one time to give him the benefit of the doubt (more generous than I would be), but really, how entitled, rude, dismissive and most of all thoughtless and unkind, would one actually need to be to consider it appropriate to complain about the dinner to an exhausted mum of a baby and a toddler? I can tell you that no decent, appreciative and loving man would do that.

So I don’t think he deserves all that much generosity.

Well done op

Ninkaninus

I sometimes say thoughtless stupid things to my DH-
Including criticising his cooking on occasion, but I absolutely love the bones of him and am very appreciative of what he does to make our family happy, as he is of me, I would be devastated if he decided that I was rude and unappreciative and didn’t love him because of one thing that I did.

I think there is a lot of projection on this thread, and an awful lot of unrealistic high-road taking. If you are in an otherwise good relationship would you really end it because your partner didn’t like your cooking?

Sorry Ninkaninus that last paragraph looks like it’s aimed at you, it isn’t it’s just a general reflection of the thread

Dont clean up his mess

@ArabellaDoreenFig No worries

But I don’t think anyone has actually said LTB (Although to be honest I think it probably should be said at least once on this kind of thread because quite often seemingly little things like this belie a much bigger issue or set of issues, and there are a hundred different influences for the average woman, almost of all which will be saying, ‘don’t make a fuss, don’t expect respect, don’t expect consideration, you are the least of all, you deserve very little to no consideration compared to everyone else, do you really need to get het up about this, it’s really not a big deal, etc etc etc). Mind you I’ve only skimread so maybe they have.

I said it! A few posts in. Might seem extreme but I stand by it. A comment like that is hugely indicative of his general attitude. I think it's most likely that he's an arrogant twat who thinks his wife and the mother of his children exists to serve him (and then). In the unlikely event that he turns out to be a wonderful man who is respectful to his wife and does his share of childcare and housework, I'll take it back. I doubt i'll have to though.

If you didn’t like your partner’s cooking wouldn’t you offer to cook for them not just cook your own meal, especially when they are trying to juggle a baby and a toddler.

Agree with others. My dp complained about not having clean pants when ds was tiny. So I said ‘do your own washing’. And I have never, and will never, wash his clothes again.

Yes, that’s my general view too. And I don’t suppose I’ve ever actually been wrong about it.

Of course my OH and I have the one sticking point in our relationship (in fact we had quite a row about it just recently) but he is unfailingly thoughtful, considerate, kind, appreciative and respectful of me as an equal. I wouldn’t actually change him for the world. And I know without a doubt that if I had a baby and a toddler and was on my knees with exhaustion he would come home from work - quite a stressful, demanding role with hours to match, look after his children as appropriate and/or cook for us. He wouldn’t dream of treating me the way OP was treated.

(Not being smug, just making it clear that there’s certainly no projection happening on my part)

Oh god I once made a side of mushrooms and peas I was trying somthing new in a mind and parsley dressing . He got back and said why would u cook the mushrooms with the peas ! Don't do it again infact dont ever cook for me again! I go to work all week and come back to shit food! I said, well that saves me a job cook your own fucking food from now on ! How dare you your lucky i know how to cook and you even get anything most women this day and age cant even boil an egg!!!! So good luck with your next relationship . I then went into a rant about how is love to come back home and have food in the table for me if I liked it or not and I have to work come back tidy sort the kids Somtimes go shopping for said dinner! And he has the cheek to say that to me because I COOKED THE MUSHROOMS AND PEAS TOGETHER! he soon shut the fuck up and has eat every meal after because he knows what's good for him ! Somtimes he drops the odd comment about my cooking but I just remind him that betty and her microwave are waiting for him !