Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH told me never to cook for him again

260 replies

Mummyonthebus · 02/10/2019 20:35

This evening. He said it isn't worth the hassle (kitchen is not pristine when we sit down to eat- it always gets cleared up straight afterwards). Also the steak wasn't made to his liking.

For background, I have a toddler and a baby and sleep deprived. Everything is overwhelming and I'm doing my best. Just felt like a kick in the teeth.

How would you respond?

OP posts:
HotChocolateLover · 02/10/2019 22:34

@Mummyonthebus I’d say woohoo 🥳 I bloody hate cooking and leave it all to DH whilst I erm supervise! Aka watch TV. He said the steak I made him on the night he moved in was so crap he was designating himself as chef #ThePlanWorked

MrsRufusdog789 · 02/10/2019 22:35

So hard not to feel hurt when you have so much on your plate .
He's lucky to have anything on his . And should feel that way in future .

madcatladyforever · 02/10/2019 22:38

I'd say fantastic thanks. I hate cooking and never cook for anyone. If there is a next time burn everything.

onthebusoctopus · 02/10/2019 22:40

Does he do anything?

pallisers · 02/10/2019 22:43

Is there a factory somewhere churning these pricks out?

Seriously you'd wonder.

If he said that to me, I'd get up from the table, leave him with the toddler and baby, and go out for the rest of the night. I'd come back expecting a grovelling apology.

Why are you doing all the housework as well as minding two small children? Why doesn't he clean up the kitchen?

Ludways · 02/10/2019 22:43

"Brilliant, do your own washing too" I'm assuming you do that for the big lazy twat too.

Mousetolioness · 02/10/2019 22:44

Personally, I'd call that a 'Win'. As a previous poster said, he hasn't thought it through.

It would be daft to be too ready to pick up cooking for him.

You have two choices - never cook for him again, or agree terms before you do.

Closetbeanmuncher · 02/10/2019 22:45

I would bake him a delicious homemade pie filled with chappie.

Bellend.

BatshitBertha · 02/10/2019 22:46

Ha ha OP, you are totally in control now!

Teach that knob head a lesson!

BackforGood · 02/10/2019 22:49

Reading your title and your opening post, my response would be 'Brilliant! How wonderful to never have to cook again'.

Then you posted I clean it up. I cook and clear up. I do all the domestic chores. He won't be cooking for the family of course, he would just cook for himself.

Why 'of course' ? Confused

If he is the better cook, or if he enjoys it, then why wouldn't he cook for the family ?
If he genuinely thinks that is acceptable, then you have to look at what you are gaining from him being there. I'm not one to pretend it is easy to walk away from a relationship, especially with small children, but if you are already doing all the work in the relationship, then you aren't going to be any worse off, and you can live without being criticised.

CampingItUp · 02/10/2019 22:55

“To be fair it was a pile of mashed potato with the sausages sticking out of it and gravy”

A proper Beano Nosh Up?

Ace!

LexMitior · 02/10/2019 22:55

I would say yay! No more cooking.

But this only works if the game is played with reasonable people. If the ultimate goal is to grind you down, then you need to think again if you have the right person beside you.

Wonkybanana · 02/10/2019 22:56

If he won't do it, at least you only have to cook for yourself and the DCs. Don't do any shopping for ingredients for him, he does that himself. He tidies up afterwards.

And I'd suggest not doing his washing either, or anything else he expects you to do for him (including sex). Your answer is always that he doesn't like the way you do it so it's easier for him if he does it himself, that way he knows it will be done right.

And if this signals the beginning of the end for the marriage, it's because he's a dick and you deserve better.

Boireannachlaidir · 02/10/2019 23:01

He said it isn't worth the hassle?

What an ungrateful tool! Does he have any redeeming features?

I know it's easy for us posting here to say "oh great no more cooking etc" but you've said he won't cook for the family. So I imagine it could be difficult for you to change the existing dynamic and cook for you and the dc and exclude him. Is that right OP?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 02/10/2019 23:06

I don't believe some of these responses. How on earth could you (general) live with somebody that you feel this sore about? I absolutely get the outrage but surely, if you're going to be cooking for yourself from now on and it's in high dudgeon then what's the point of the relationship?

I know that there are some very vociferous posters who like to say they'd do this and they'd do that... but even if that's true, what's the point of it? Wouldn't splitting up be a better option?

Drabarni · 02/10/2019 23:06

What does he do at night? Maybe he should take over the cooking and you do what he usually does.

confusednorthner · 02/10/2019 23:07

Dh complained 12 years ago that I cut his pack up sandwich in half corner to corner and not straight across, he's been making his own ever since. I did make him a sandwich once since when we moved and made sure I did nice dainty triangles 😀

percheron67 · 02/10/2019 23:08

Lucky you - take him at his word!!

Drabarni · 02/10/2019 23:11

You have problems if he won't do his fair share of domestics and it's sad he doesn't want to care for his own children. There are a lot of men who believe children and the house are for the woman.
What's worse is they think they are good role models.

buckeejit · 02/10/2019 23:11

Please do not cook or clean up after the fucker

Grandmi · 02/10/2019 23:19

Tin of beans and bread for the toaster would be my reply...what a complete arsehole!!

NickyC123 · 02/10/2019 23:19

I am often told that what I have made isn’t good or good enough. I Cook for my children and I cook for me. I no longer care if he likes it or not. He is as capable as I am of cooking. If he doesn’t like my food he can make his own. I would never criticise a meal he has provided. Even if it warranted criticism. That is the difference. Why would I want to make him feel bad. I don’t. Why does he want to make me feel bad. He does. It is his problem, not mine. Try to ignore it

SpaceDinosaur · 02/10/2019 23:23

"No worries princess!" (Biggest insult I use!)

Proceed to never cook for him again

Enjoy your life.

Who the fuck does he think he is?

Runkle · 02/10/2019 23:25

I'd say thank you very fucking much dickbag. Then go to the supermarket and buy loads of yummy things that I like to cook/eat for myself and a box of wine.

IdiotInDisguise · 02/10/2019 23:37

Don’t cook for him. Honestly, let him take over.

My ex and I had the same discussion, it led to 14 years where he cooked and I took care of the laundry.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread