DH told me never to cook for him again

[Mummyonthebus]

This evening. He said it isn't worth the hassle (kitchen is not pristine when we sit down to eat- it always gets cleared up straight afterwards). Also the steak wasn't made to his liking.

For background, I have a toddler and a baby and sleep deprived. Everything is overwhelming and I'm doing my best. Just felt like a kick in the teeth.

How would you respond?

Tell your DH you agree with him and will not be cooking anything for him again and from now on stick to cooking your dinner only.

My husband asked what your husband's plan is now.😂. He knows better.

"Better than the one you fucking made"

Is my default response. Closely followed by a DH sheepish look.

Don't take this shit OP

Say "absolutely no problem" and don't ever cook for him again.

My now-XH once told me that he didn''t like how I folded his washing.
I was doing it for him as he had to work Saturdays and I didn't.
He complained, so I never did it again and let him spend part of his only day off a week doing his own washing.

Never cook for him, don't do anything for him unless he does something nice for you.

I would probably laugh in his face and never cook for him again...seriously.

I have a one month old and a 2 year old. I haven’t cooked dinner once in the last month. DH takes over for the first 6 weeks(his suggestion) then it goes back to 50/50 when I am up to it.

His complaint is a messy kitchen and steak wasn’t cooked to his liking...even if you weren’t sleep deprived and had no kids that still is a horrible way to treat you.

I'd be bloody elated. Knowing my master plan had paid off. He still thinks I can't iron either

I would be really hurt by thus. I love to cook and my husband and son both really appreciate it, and also both do their fair share. I honestly don't think I could stay with someone who said this unkindly. I guess if it was an off the cuff remark said in a strop, followed by a grovelling apology I could just about get past it, but if I thought he really meant it I would be absolutely gutted!

Anyfucker is right.

I obviously did leave my bastard over a decade ago, but my teenage son had the cheek to moan at me today because I made fish and broccoli for dinner and he doesn't like fish. I told him I LIKE FISH. ME. I MADE IT, I LIKE IT. I suggested he have a bag of crisps. My daughter wouldn't behave like if I made something she wasn't crazy about. I am trying to knock this out of him.

Christ! if my wife said that to me I'd never cook for her again.

Seriously - take the bugger at his word. And don't wash his dishes when he cooks for himself either.

NEVER cook for him again. And explain that as he doesn’t appreciate things, and he’s coming across as an entitled prick, there will be a strict division of labour going forward. Stop doing everything.

What a prick. It really saddens me when I hear about men like this, and the women that choose to endure them.

That is a horrible thing for him to say to you op. Is he generally a kind and decent person otherwise?

Rue cambon, thanks I am so definitely going to say this to ds. Who would live off crisps quite happily. If it wasn’t for all that guilt from Jamie Oliver and his ilk to cook healthy organic boolocks from Indonesia/Thailand / the moon, we’d both be happy!

It is possible for someone to be really bad at cooking, yet feel they have to do it because they are the SAHP. In those circumstances, it is sometimes better for the WOHP to do the actual cooking and the SAHP to eg do all the washing up. It's not a bad thing to divide necessary tasks according to aptitude rather than, well, genitals.

What's life generally like in your household, though, OP? Does your H act like he's the only person and everyone else's needs are irrelevant, or is it just cooking that is an issue?

I wouldn't cook for him, nor shop for the ingredients. I wouldn't even make him a tea or glass of squash.

He could bloody well do it all himself and the clear up to boot.

There's also the distinction between 'cooking' and 'making dinner.' Some people genuinely enjoy all the chopping and stirring and fiddling about; some people would rather phone for a pizza or shove a ready meal in the microwave. If you're one of the ones who despises ready meals and takeaways and thinks dinner is only acceptable if it's involved a lot of work then it's kind of up to you to do that work. And if you like to eat the sort of dinners that involve 'cooking' rather than making a phone call but don't want to cook them, then the very least you can do is all the necessary washing up.

Where's this man on this sort of scale, OP?

Yay, result OP. Don't be too harsh with judging his cooking though, you dont want it to revert to you too soon!

Seriously. Don't cook for him. Its not your job.

To be fair my ex did that and he was right. My cooking is crap. So he did it from then on.

Only thing I miss in the divorce is his cooking so do the kids

But you DH needs to step up. I’m so sick of hearing women do all the bloody martyr work!!

Let him shift for himself.

Here we go. Another good woman flogging herself into the ground for a cunt.

As ever @AnyFucker knocks it out of the park.

LyingWitch it might just be that he would realise how good he had it after a while and offer a sincere apology. Then they could negotiate a way forward.

Call his bluff. Don't try and change things to suit him and his taste, let him do his own cooking from his own shopping (point out nothing you will buy will be to his liking anyway).

Cook for yourself and the children.

While he is looking after himself, he can do his own washing too. You may need to remind him you are not a housekeeper, cook or his mother. He will probably have a sulk at that, let him but don't take on any more than you can at the moment. It's his problem and you have enough to juggle.

I do all the cooking in our house as my DH can't cook a meal without it seeming like a bomb has gone off in the kitchen and him asking me 100 questions.

I work later on a Wednesday and Friday until 6 so he will put something in the oven on a Wednesday for us, something simple and oven cooked and I'll have premade the salad dressing or something and on a Friday we have a take away pizza.

The other 5 nights though, I cook. I like cooking, I used to be a chef and it's totally not 1950's for a woman to do the cooking! It makes more sense for one to take charge of most of the cooking because they can then also do the shopping list and stuff. He does plenty of other things around the house and we both work and have an almost 3 year old son.

If he ever said my cooking was rubbish though, I wouldn't be creating a weird environment for our son by eating separately and both of us away cooking so no one is actually playing with our son. I would simply say to DH that he needs to F off and eat it or move it around the plate to be part of meal times and pretend to eat it then make beans on toast once our son goes to bed! Or I would tell him he needs to learn to cook and do the cooking for all of us

My ex did this. He also did huffing and refusing to even look at a dinner made for him. I started making hot dinner for just one adult and eating it myself if he didn’t eat. Or freezing his portion and eating it at lunch another day. It still doesn’t make it feel better though.
Things went downhill and I wish I had left him earlier.
It’s about manners and respect.
He is also showing this behavior to the kids and soon you’ll have them being rude and not eating what you make.

Men would never have dared say this to a woman in the oldie days,after she had been slaving over a hot stove all day.!!