I sent this text to myself at 1am

[Nomorebagels]

‘He shouted at me, told me to ‘fuck off bitch’, and raised his fist at me. He told me I’d be a sad spinster like my friend who has just become single.’
I sent it because I wanted to look at what happened in the cold light of day and evaluate. He stormed out and has not apologised. Four years together, no DC.
We argued because he parked his car across three of the neighbours spaces because one of their cars was in his and he was raging about that. I dared to tell him he was being unreasonable and he got mad.
He’s not a nice man is he?

Stay safe OP, you’re doing the right thing.

Keep calm. If he won't leave then you leave. You can return with the police and get him out. Don't put yourself at risk. He has no right to remain in the house.

@Grumpelstilskin thank you for your message. I’m sitting here scared about what to say in case it provokes a reaction. He keeps asking what’s wrong because i’m literally saying nothing. I don’t know what to say. I just keep remembering last night. I really want to ring my mum but I don’t want to worry her.

Look this man is getting off on this. Call a friend, explain situation and get some company. Get him to leave tonight.

Ring your mother. Don’t sit there in silence.

Could your mum come and get you? I honestly think she would want to know and be able to help you.

Most people really do want to help. They want you to turn to them in a crisis.

Ring your mum. Please.

If you don't want to ring your mum, can you text her? Or someone else who will show up?

I mean, you can just pretend to be on your phone and ignore him, and then text/message someone an sos to please come over.

Mmmmh, he knows that he scared you, he knowns that he behaved like a totally abusive fuckpig. I would agree, he seems to be getting off on/ramping up his controlling behaviour. While I don’t want to add to your dread and make you even more nervous, it might be a good idea to disable text/message alerts and discreetly message your friend to let her know he is there and scaring you. Perhaps even get her to call you with some ‘emergency’ that requires you to go somewhere immediately, like your parents etc. Or alert the police for you to come to your door under some pretext and then escort him out. Someone here might have some good ideas. Something, anything to at least get you or better still him out of the house without a confrontation and let someone you trust know that you feel scared. Do no downplay this or feel embarrassed.

If you cannot call, leave the house. Go to a neighbour and explain. Go in their house and call then.

I understand how hard this is. But you can walk out of this.

I’m ok everyone thanks. He’s pretty much ignoring me and on his laptop. I’m just a bit worried about chucking him out and what his reaction to that will be. I think i’ll suggest we have a cooling down period after last night and spend a few days apart and get my keys back. That seems less confrontational. Then I can do the locks change.

Please don’t take this the wrong way but you do realise that he came for a reason. It is not worth it to assume he is a reasonable person. The fact you are scared is worrying. Your instinct is right. Don’t assume he is going to go when it’s time for bed.

Get him to leave. Reasonable people don’t raise their fists and then say “what’s wrong”. He knows. He isn’t going to be fooled by your efforts because you are saying nothing. He knows everything because you are silent.

I am not sure that this is a wise approach! He already made you feel threatened and is well aware of how he can dominate you. This can be a risky time. I would still advise you to organise to change the locks as soon as he is out of the house. Then message him that he behaved unacceptably and that you don't wish for him to come back. Tell him that you will bag up his stuff and he can pick it up at your convenience.

"Cooling off period" sounds like a good idea. And if you are quick about changing the locks when he's gone you don't need to ask for the keys back.

..if you think he'd buy that idea

He only ever gets annoyed with me when I confront him about his actions and he blames me for every row so I think if I say it’s just me needing a bit of space for a couple of days that won’t provoke him too much because i’m not actually questioning his actions on something.

No he’s a cunt. Thank good you don’t have kids with him. Run.

You need to get him out of your house op. He has somewhere to go.

Just tread carefully OP. There has been a shift. Don't ask for the keys! That could escalate things. Consider some back-up on standby though and have the new lock barrel ready.

Please just secretly get your car keys & drive off as fast as you can. Stay in a hotel overnight or go to a friend or relative.
Better to escape than end up in A & E.
You can return with friends/relatives to ask him to leave tomorrow.

If you don't want to ask him to leave (and in your shoes I would be scared to) you need to get out. Because if you don't then you're going to end up both spending the night there which he'll use to act as if you're back together and everything's normal.

I don't know if I've explained myself properly. I just feel you should leave. Then tomorrow, when he's at work, you can change the locks so this can't happen again.

A PP suggested texting someone explaining that they need to ring you with some invented crisis that means you have to rush out. Anything that avoids a confrontation and means you don't have to sleep under the same roof with the bastard.

@saraclara You would end a relationship for swearing? Are you serious? That's quite the superiority complex you have there.

A woman not staying in a relationship because a man calls her a fucking bitch is a superiority complex?? No wonder so many women put up with utter shit if this is what they are taught growing up. If a man called me a fucking bitch in anger, I would not want to be with him. A relationship with me is not an entitlement.

A reasonable person would recignise that their behaviour was way out of line. Hope your plan works

I really don’t think i’m going to end up in A&E - I don’t want to worry people. I do think he got carried away last night and can’t acknowledge that. He probably is a narcissist on reflection. I’m not trying to downplay it but I do think if I calmly suggest a few days off he’s not going to kick off. Thanks to everyone for your messages, they’ve been very helpful.